Songwriter Forum > Feedback on Works in Progress

Snapshot Plans

(1/5) > >>

Kafla's Evil Twin:
http://soundcloud.com/big-dong/snapshot-plans

Weird one this - my friend has just finished a film and media course and is trying to pitch a film concept to a few studios.

He asked me to write something for the pitch and fingers crossed for his film. It's a trainspotting type affair - these 2 worthies rob a convenience store but the old Indian who owns it puts a curse on them and it all hell breaks loose.

I understand this will not be to everyone's taste and will not be offended if you hate it !

Snapshot plans

I had one thought when I got to your door
And that was to change your mind
It's easy to make snapshot plans
That centuries cannot reverse

So you 'didn't like the way she looked at me'
I told you just to ignore it
But you had to go throw that glass in her face
And we fell like china in a bull shop

So my hearts racing a sprint and I'm following behind
I can see you through the door glass
I'm counting the steps and trying not to make snapshot plans
The doors opening as my hearts closing
And when I see you I know it's over
You look so broken : shocked at how easily things fall apart
I walk and turn away

It's funny how one second can define the years
heavens clarity represented in those stopwatch beats
But all I feel now is relief , grief and hope
I have butterflies deep in my soul

Walking home even the trees look different
Greener : I can see the dew shine like little diamonds
I never thought I'd owe so much to glass
The cut it made was deeper than love

Mark Ryan:
I swore to myself I wasn't going to post on here again, but I felt I had to after hearing this.

1 word - Fantastic!!!. Let's be honest here it's never going to be number 1 due to its lack of commercialism. However, as a piece of art in its own right it's wonderful. Lyrically it's very very clever, and the incidental music running not only suits the mood, but sets the mood perfectly. This is something I would listen to over and over again to try and get into the artists head, in order to try and feel the emotions of the song. A lot of underground clubs play stuff like this and it's big business, you should try speaking to some of the DJ's from these clubs, because they would love this sort of thing.
Superb stuff, well done
Mark

digger72:
Hi,

Interesting piece. Certainly makes me want to see the film.
The voice over works well with the music - does sound like it's from Trainspotting. Then the outro section- a bit Gorrillaz.
Something different. Good luck to your friend.

Cheers,

Digger

Kafla's Evil Twin:
Cheers Mark and Digger ,

It has a little charm I think - I can picture the events in my head so I must have achieved something - ha ha

Alan Starkie:
This is great.

You have managed to convey emotion in a quite monotone vocal. Very good.

Images abound with this piece of music without even trying. That's quite an accomplishment.

Great lyric.

Alan.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version