[Paulski]

OK - this is a little dark - some would say sick..

Think Again, perv
Copyright 2015 Tennyson Road Music

You groomed him.
Another child
Thrown on your pile
All the while
You smiled

You preyed on him.
Your latest prize
Blackened eyes
Tortured cries
Terrorized

And you think that you deserve
To live in this same world?
Think again, perv

You observed him.
Begging at your feet
A piece of meat
Did you retreat? No.
You would repeat

And you think you still deserve
To walk on this same earth?
Think again, perv

You traded him
To so-called "friends"
To so-called "men"
Again, and then again
Hell had no end

And you still think you deserve
To be on this same earth !!??
Think again, perv

{br}
Now, let me set this straight
There, there.
I'll make it quick!
This should do the trick
Yes.. just a little prick..
Well - that didn't hurt a bit!
Did it?
No.

And to think that you deserved
To breathe on this same earth !!!
No, NEVER AGAIN ... perv

[igg]

Hi Paul,

Very intense!!!  IMHO, I think the "You observed him" verse and chorus could be cut without hurting the unfolding narrative.
You illustrate the repeated offenses more effectively in the next verse.

Anyhow, Very gritty and unsettling.....

[adamfarr]

Really hard hitting. Love the short phrases which say "fact" and "wrath". In the final section this sounds to me like execution - not sure if that was meant - perhaps there's a way of leaving it more open ended, implying that this could equally be street justice...

Anyhow, now I'm curious to see what you'll do with it. I am sure rap would work, but am also sure that is too obvious...

[johnlondon]

Blimey Paul, that's an uncomfortable read, but well written. You`re very economical with words but get the full narrative out, in tight verses.

A little semantic point, in the bridge last paragraph, the line,  "And to think that you deserved
To breathe on this same earth !!!" as it stands, is a statement. I assume you mean it as an ironic question which really needs a question mark.

I felt a little uncomfortable with the intended pun in the bridge, but that's subjective and nothing to do with the quality of the lyrics.

Not sick as far as I`m concerned, dark yes, but a darkness that needs a lot more light cast on it to expose some horrible truths. A good write, with this and the hunted you must be stacking up songs to put to music.

[Vintage54]

   Hi Paulski,
       First of all, good on you for tackling such a difficult subject. I like the way that this is not too graphic, it lets the readers imagination go down that uncomfortable road. Then we come to the bridge. John believes there's a pun in there, i'm not so sure, but John is pretty smart, and he may be right.
I'm getting execution or castration, but only yourself can reveal the truth. It's hard hitting my friend, and so it should be. Love the refrain, a thought provoking and intelligent write.

                              Vintage54

[lillypilly]

I think this is a very clever write and I like the whole thing as it sits

Yes could be said it is a bit dark but that is where creeps lurk

[Doodles]

Very bold, brave writing. Intreagued where you're going with the musical backdrop... its natural to expect something dark and lamenting, with strings and dissonant chords... but it would almost be more chilling if it wasn't.

[Neil C]

Paul, tough read but these things need to be out there.
Interesting how the bridge can be interpreted in two very different ways.
I'm hearing it as talking song to really let the lyrics come across, same point as Adam makes about rap.
Really interested to hear where you take it.
 
Neil

[Paulski]

Hi guys - first off let me thank you for the warm welcome you've given this lyric - grim as it is  .
It has come in last place in a contest on another forum out of 12 lyrics so I was getting worried about it  But obviously you ppl have more taste 

@igg

Thanks for the kind remarks. This is meant to be ugly territory for most readers. I would hope that "unsettling" would be a normal reaction.

@adamfarr

Hi Adam - yes execution - but meant to be unclear as to who is doing the executing. Rap ?? Seriously hadn't considered that. Thanks for commenting!

@johnlondon

Hi John and thx for reading/commenting. Those lines are supposed to be exclamatory not a rhetorical question but I can see it could be confusing. There is no intended pun in the bridge.. do you mean "straight"? I don't think of pedophiles being gay... maybe I'll change it to "right" to avoid that if that's what you meant..

@Vintage54

Thanks for the kind words Vintage. It's a bit unkind of me to put readers through the thoughts here - maybe that's why it finished at the bottom. But I couldn't NOT write it down once it came to me.

@lillypilly

that is where creeps lurk

Amen to that lillypilly - so we must go there too to deal with them.

@Doodles

Thanks doodles. Not sure I'm brave enough to record this - but if I do it has to be angry music whatever that means.

@Neil C

Cheers Neil - yeah spoken might work. Where's Pat F. when you need him  ?

[PaulAds]

I reckon this could be every bit as good if not better and even more relevant as a song...

Put your 'angry' head on and give it some b*ll*cks 

[pompeyjazz]

Well done Paulski for addressing this subject - Needs to be done. I think your lyrics are very thought provoking. Agree with PaulAds, you need to give the vocals some nasty welly. Mean, sneering, nasty

John