The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: kevysc on June 07, 2015, 12:15:32 PM
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This is a collaboration with my History of Trust partner. It's about being in a band on the road dreaming of getting a big break ..... would welcome comments, thanks Kevin
Lights by History of Trust
https://soundcloud.com/kevin-ism/lights
All the lights are fading now
As we're slipping out of view
We have made it through somehow
but there's still so much to do
So let's pack away these props
It will be a heavy load
And there's still so much to do
Let's get this show upon the road
All the dreams that we have shared
I can almost touch them now
We should never be afraid
We should never let them go
There's a light upon your face
As we're driving through the night
I can see you still believe
And I know that you are right
So we move to the next town
Put our bodies on the line
And there's still so much to do
And we have very little time
All the dreams that we have shared
I can almost touch them now
We should never be afraid
We should never let them go
All the lights are fading now
As we're slipping out of view
We have made it through somehow
but there's still so much to do
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"we're driving through the night" - we certainly are, I think you caught that mood really well.
In the back of my mind I did crave a punchline or something a little more hooky. But maybe that was a conscious decision - that the song should have a bit of a world-weary atmosphere that drives along without much variation in the landscape.
So instead, could an idea be to make the last chorus the high point? As it is, it seemed to deflate the mood that had been building. So the chorus represents the dream: "we should never let them go!" but then you could take the mood down again - reality bites as we come back to the reprise of the verse: "All the lights are fading now..."
Whatever you choose to do, an enjoyable listen.
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I thought it was a very complete lyric. The lyric didn't "read" great, but it sung very well.
The instrumental accompaniment was very good (to my ears anyway.) There are certainly more qualified people here than I to tell you how good the accompaniment is.
The song itself is an example of the "whole being greater than the sum of it's parts."
I thought the song was better than any of the components. I wish I could accomplish that with a song.
I really think highly of this song.
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Thanks very much for the comments, much appreciated.
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on a good journey I reckon...vocal sounds a bit dry and detached from the track in general and maybe you could spread the BV's around the stereo image instead of hard right..
best, Kevin