[BeadyRoller]

Wrote this song today and thought I'd get it recorded to see what you people think of it!  

Lyrics:

Standing here alone
Working you out
Watching you closely
To see what you're about

I will know within a minute if you're the one
I'll see the light which will tell me if it's really on

I've only just met you
D'you think it's to soon
This time I don't want to follow the rules

Been through it all before
Always leaves you wanting more
I don't want to be taken for a fool, for a fool

You push all the right buttons
Whenever I'm around
Get the best out of me
Swept my feet off the ground

Link: http://soundcloud.com/roloasis/taken-for-a-fool-demo

Any feedback is much appreciated, thanks!

[seriousfun]

Real nice song . Nice guitar play and the vocal is strong and on key. Well structure with some nice chord changes, very oasis.

A couple of changes could worth experimenting with in the melody. With the line "I'll see the light which will tell me if it's really on" trytaking it up at the end instead of repeating the previous line by going down. I think it will lead into the next section which is in a higher register.

A nother are to look at is the lyric in the last section. It just felt too wordy in places and that you were having phrasing issues trying to fit it all in. There is nothing wrong with what you are trying to say I would just be a bit more succinct and get the job down with a few less syllables.

Overall, very nice song and deffinately one to pursue and record.
Kudos to you.
Allan.

[BeadyRoller]

Thanks very much for the reply seriousfun and kind words.

I definitely agree with you about the last section, it seems a bit unnatural at the minute with the way it's phrased and will work on it to cut a few words out to make it flow better.

I'll give the melody change a go as well to see how that works out.

Keep the feedback coming, cheers!

[Neil C]

I like the lyrics to the first verse it really says things simply which anyone can relate to. I think it could do with some more light and shade between the verses and the chorus in terms of melody and rhythm perhaps a pause before a chorus to break it up a little?
 
Neil 

[Michael]

Cool song, thanks for sharing. Very catchy!
Great guitar rhythm throughout the song. Vocals sounded very good too.
I agree with the 2 points Allan made, about changing up the melody, and the syllable issue in the second chorus.
Those "oooooh"s in the end sound fantastic, did you sing all this in one live recording, or did you edit them in later with reverb?
I could imagine this one going in lots of different directions musically, acoustic style as it is now, a full band setup, maybe even something more orchestral with strings etc... so good job !

[BeadyRoller]

Cheers for the replies lads.

What do you mean by 'light and shade' Neil? I think I know where you're coming from but I'm not sure. Glad you enjoyed some of the lyrics.

Michael - Thanks a lot for the kind words, appreciate it. Yeah, like I said I'll definitely tidy that part of the song up, I agree with you both it needs work. The 'oooooh's' were done separate from the actual recording, the guitar and main vocals are done in one take, I did the 'ooooh's' on a separate track and put some reverb on them 

Keep the feedback coming, really appreciate it. Cheers.

[jim morrison]

Your songwriting's ace mate!, wouldn't mind hearing the track liven up 2/3rds through and get a bit more shouty like noels songs tend to do where he really gives it some ,just think it makes you listen more, but totally cool

[flossie]

Hello and welcome 

You can really write very well, a great melody and well constructed song BUT!!! I am really curious to hear if that is your true singing voice.  You sound like you are imitating the Gallaghers and I would love to hear you do this in your own style.  For me, your voice (which is perfectly tuneful) really took away from this high quality song.  I hope you don't mind me saying this  I just found it a bit annoying.

As I said though

good song

Flossie
x

[BeadyRoller]

Cheers Jim, appreciate it. I get what you're saying, I'll give that a go, could work out well!

Hi flossie, I've had that a lot on this forum about all my songs almost haha, I actually don't go out of my way to try and imitate Liam Gallagher, I just think it's a coincidence my voice has that twang that he has, Oasis being my favourite band, there is always going to be part of them which comes off in my songs but I don't go out of my way to do it, it just sort of happens  I can see where you're coming from though and I do work hard to try not to sound like them to much.

Cheers for the kind words. Keep the feedback coming 

[RichyRowlatt]

Yep, another one I like. Your structuring of stuff is similar to mine in a lot of ways, and I like the way you develop your melodies.

The Oasis comparisons are bound to be drawn, but that's not necessarily a bad thing in my opinion. Lots to work on and build on. Good stuff.

[nooms]

good this BR, the bvs toward the end of this reminded me how good you can be with a vocal idea.
last song you put up had an amazing backing vocal part if i remember..
gtrs quite forward and strong..thought a handclap or 'bin kick' might be nice..
im not going to mention the G brothers infuence in verse vocals... 
might be a good idea to use your backing vocal ideas, develop the song around them rather than around a traditional verse framework...dont know what i mean really except you can be original in that regard, its a strength and direction of your own that might be interesting to follow, the unmentionable brothers mixed with becks mellow side vocals..

[man of simple pleasures]

yeah i like it! cant beat stripped down songs on the acoustic! yeah agree with Jim once it builds up to get nto into it bit more, you got a good collection of tunes! the oasis comparison are there its noel on acoustic with a bit liam on vocals... ah roll on 2015 if its gonna happen haha! good stuff mate!

[jmacdon]

The Oasis comparisons are bound to be drawn, but that's not necessarily a bad thing in my opinion. Lots to work on and build on. Good stuff.

Hi BR, the oasis comparisons are definitely being drawn on the playing, vocals and even ur screen name for gawds sake!!!   This is a tough one because you really can deliver the goods musically and vocally but you can't have people mentioning oasis every time u record a new song.  There is lots of great advice in the feedback above that should help you make this song your own.  I don't wanna hear oasis, I wanna hear you!  (oops that was me having a Louis Walsh moment....)

[faero]

Nice song - I think much of the phrasing of the melody makes the oasis link too - they use a lot of the same little scales going down at the end of phrases too - but that's the influence.
Also - when you slide up to notes, then back down - it's pure gallagher.

BUT I can hear loads of really original sounding singing in there - so there's a lot more to come I think.   Recently I've sat and really challenged melodies ( for better or worse!)   -   If you listen back, you are running the whole song in just a few notes in a narrow range of singing - this works on some things but only on the right sort of anthem (Wonderwall verges on being a durge in the hands of the wrong band, for example - but they get away with it on the delivery)

So - when you get to the end of the song - suddenly the ooohh ooohs completely change the song and it's suddenly much more interesting as you've lifted it.  Maybe use that idea more in the song?

Hopefully I am making some sense!

[Florida Mike]

Nothing wrong with a good acoustic base to write a song and develop a track!

I hear the lyrics beinga bit more vague

Facing the unknown...
Will this all work out?
Confused,  but love is often mostly
What love is all about...

You got a good start here , keep at it!