The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: tone on February 06, 2010, 11:49:01 PM
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Here's my other new song :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InoUlPhFDyM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InoUlPhFDyM)
Hope you enjoy it
Sundown
You waited till the sun went down
and said 'the darkness suits me much better now
and raising sunlight got me burned
now I can't peel away all this hurt
and I cannot wait for you to feel
what's in my way and way too real
and I can't escape from you too soon
I've seen your face, I know you.
I'm no martyr I'm not born again
not righteous or hopeful, I don't repent
and hades' circle I can't break
but I still pray forgiveness for Christ's sake
and I cannot wait for you to be judged
you took my place you took so much
and I can't escape from you too soon
I know your face, I see you'
I waited till the sun went down.
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Hey tone
Ok, here's what i feel.
I love the Piano piece, i think it's beautiful, melodic and sorrowful.
I love the power of the chorus, that was the best part for me, not just lyricaly but the flow of the words.. powerful
I will say I felt there needed more connection between the verses and the chorus, I couldn't put my finger on it. It might be a melody issue maybe someone else will be able to describe what i mean. In any case it's not a massive issue..
Over all i think its good.. I wish i could compose on piano...
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this - and glad you liked it. I have another recording of this in the pipeline, so it will be interesting to see if that changes how people react to it.
As for composing on the piano - just sit there and play! This was the first song I wrote on the piano, and it came to me after about a year of very regular practise and learning other bits of music and songs. I felt I was running out of ideas on the guitar, but I'm sure I'll go back to it at some point.
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Hi Tone,
just listened to Sundown, A voice and a piano is something i always love to hear.
Liked the melancholy feel of it Tone, some nice chords too.
Are you selt taught? Whats the meaning behind the lyrics?
What style do you tend to write in Tone?
I enjoyed it, the feel was nice. The Piano line had an enchanting quality to it , i listened to it a few times and got drawn in.
off to listen to your other one!
I take it Tone is not your real name?!
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Hi Craig
Thanks for your comments - I'll try to answer your questions now: :)
Self taught, yes - I'm primarily a guitarist, but I love the piano, I can't help but play it every day.
The lyrics are about a difficult relationship and power struggle between two people very close to me.
Do I have a style? I don't know... I probably have 2 styles - one that happens on the guitar and one that happens on the piano. My main concern is melody, harmony and phrasing though. A nice combination of all three is a song worth writing in my book.
Tone is my 'real' name! It's an abbreviation of Anthony, and it suits my musical persona quite well I think :)
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hey tone,
nice tune. very willowy. nice bridge and return. nice to see you sticking tunes on.
steve
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Hi Tone, you inspired me to create my own wee you tube ditties!
http://www.youtube.com/craigfaganmusic (http://www.youtube.com/craigfaganmusic)
Going to add loads more piano and acoustic versions of the songs from my website, they are a little rough tho - i aim to improve them.
Do you have a you tube channel yourself?
hope you are well
Craig
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Hi Craig
It's great that you're going to do some acoustic versions of your songs. I'll subscribe to your channel and keep an eye on what you're doing.
My channel is youtube.com/anthonylanemusic
See you there!
Tone :)
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very good songwriting
thanks for this!
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Really enjoyed that. A genuinely quality piece of songwriting. Reminds me a little of nick drake, and some of belle & sebastian's more mellow stuff, just the mood of it - it's got a real atmosphere to it.
Sorry I know I'm meant to give some kind of critique but I don't know much about the technical aspects of music. :P That was very good though.
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a very, very nice song, Tone!
and a very live performance
I listened to the song earlier on aucadia.com. the songs grows when listening to it more (a good sign)
again, I want to let you know how much i appreciate this site you are running!
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Dutchbeat, you're more than welcome. I appreciate the people who contribute to this forum, after all, it's the members that make a community, not the creator.
Glad you like the song, and very glad also that it's grown on you. I always think my songs take a couple of listens before they start to sink in.
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Tone,
i just visited your you tube channel, and listened to army of secrets: that is a great song
a very complete song
army of secrets reminds me of James Blunt and some of the piano songs of Chris de Burgh (for instance: no borderline). If you might hate Chis de Burgh (I am sure many at the forum will) i mean it as a compliment, for instance the pianosong "the head and the heart" of Chris de Burgh is very good in my opinion.
I was wondering whether your piano songs (well, I only know sundown and army of secrets by now) shouldn't be even more complete and finished with a sort of arrangement like that one, I mean adding strings towards the end to make the song fuller and increase the emotion even more towards the end (and perhaps some percussion / cymbals towards the ending)
I know I sound old fashioned...well I am... as far these things are concerned, but I would like things like that added to these two songs (just my opinion). Do you have other versions of these songs, or do you make all your songs like this? I mean, write and work on them and then record them in one take in your kitchen?
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I tend to avoid trying to make complete recordings simply because I am not a very talented recording engineer... I would like to add strings to these songs, but aside from being able to afford a proper studio, my ideal scenario would be to have a few string players visit my house and make a live recording with eveyone playing their part. Maybe overdub a couple of harmonies later.
I know recording is an art form in itself, but I also think it's important to capture a good performance if you're going to record something (something I wasn't focusing on for these two songs - I literally set up the mic and played them just so I could show them to friends).
If you listen to my guitar based songs on aucadia (I'm a much better guitarist than I am pianist) you'll hear that I tend to add in the instrumental sections with just the guitar or perhaps overdub a piano.
Also I think it's worth mentioning that much of my favourite music to listen to is very stripped down and acoustic, so I'm in the habit of doing this with my own songs, limitations aside. I am definitely a fan of the 'less is more' approach. That's not to say that strings can add much needed dynamics to a song; I would just use them sparingly...
A friend on Aucadia is going to overdub some cello on my song 'the crescent' so when I get that back I'll post it up and you can see what you think.
Thanks for your comments
:)
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Just listened to this song and really enjoyed it. Personally I don't see any problem between verse and chorus. They fit together really well. I especially enjoyed the instrumental bridge toward the end of the song. Thought your choice of melody was spot on.
I think some songs suit the minimalistic approach ( i.e. just piano and vocals ) and this song falls into this category... Although, purely a tatse thing, I would tend to go with what Dutchbeat said. All the way through the song - in my mind - I was building the tension with strings and a kind of mellow, fretless bass.
I'm going to go have a listen to some more of your compositions because I think you certainly have some talent ;)
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OK Tone, what do I feel?
I struggle to understand why someone who writes and sings beautiful music presents it so very badly. You clearly put loads of thought into the words and the music. Why use such bad recording equipment, a duff microphone and right channel only recording? It's as if you are ambivalent about your creations, on the one hand wanting the share them, but on the other hand not. What's that all about?
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Hey tone.
Just out of curiosity, are these songs you write all for you? As an artist or would you consider writing material for other already established artists?
I say this because there are a large number of artists I can think of in the Netherlands who would love this kind of material. At least in my opinion :)
One that would jump straight to mind would be Marco Borsato (although he already uses an english writer i think )
And from my experience, English songwriters are kind of looked up to in Holland. Just a thought :)
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OK Tone, what do I feel?
I struggle to understand why someone who writes and sings beautiful music presents it so very badly. You clearly put loads of thought into the words and the music. Why use such bad recording equipment, a duff microphone and right channel only recording? It's as if you are ambivalent about your creations, on the one hand wanting the share them, but on the other hand not. What's that all about?
Thanks for your comment Psychikosa, and I really appreciate your candour. Much of the ambivalence you perceive comes from a deep lack of self esteem. The part of me that writes the songs cares very deeply about them, and they are a labour of love for me. You're right: I put a lot of effort into them. However, when it comes to sharing the songs, I struggle to think they're going to appeal to people. Not only that, I have a strange relationship with recording. The more polished I try to make it, the less able I am to capture the atmosphere. Having said that, Sundown and my other song for review here are both the worst and most basic recordings I've made in a long long time. Initially they were just captured to show to a few friends who I'd been wanting to hear the songs. My other song recordings, although rough and ready, are a lot more listenable than this one. Maybe I'll post a couple up when I get my broadband back on.
@Schavuitje - an interesting thought. I would definitely consider writing material for other more established artists. Honestly though, I've had very little success with this in the past, but I will admit it's never occurred to me to approach non- English speaking artists... Think I'll look into that - thanks :)
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Self-esteem issues. I think to a degree all of us can identify with those, There is something about the creation of songs and music that is, at least for me, intensely personal and private. And yet not sharing them makes the whole enterprise somewhat meaningless. It's a very emotional thing, and after a long conversation, Dutchbeat and I weren't able to really explain to each other why we were doing it at all. Not even after a rather large quantity of wine.
I would try to assuage your self-esteem issues by telling you your songs are good, but I don't think that would work. Lots of people on the forum and I suspect elsewhere are telling you that. But if you are like everyone else with a self-esteem issue I've met, you'll destroy and undermine the compliments as fast as you hear them, by thinking the opposite or drawing conclusions that the complimenter clearly didn't mean, or by producing for yourself contradictory evidence. How do I know this? I do it myself.
Maybe a hoard of adoring and adorable female fans might do the trick? Sadly I don't have any in stock right now :(
Anyway, who am I to comment? I haven't posted a song, I don't sing, and I know for certain that I am a rank beginner - and that would be because I have only been making my own music since Christmas.
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Lack of experience doesn't mean your comments aren't valuable or appreciated. You're right about many things: I'm often told my songs are good, but I struggle to really settle with that idea. I would like my parents to understand and/ or appreciate my music, but they don't, and that's a big problem for me. A horde of adoring female fans would probably only make matters worse in the long run! :p
Maybe I just need some therapy?!
Thanks again for your comments, psychikosa. I'm looking forward to hearing your music when you feel ready to share it. :)
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MY parents don't sppreciate mine either. They say it's ok but there's no real enthusiasm. It used to bother me a lot, especially with my dad who actually taught me the beginnings of how to play the guitar. But... It doesn't really matter ;) When I thought about it I wondered how many of the poeple we respect and admire... Lennon, Dylan etc... How many of them had parents who though it was just noise?
Our parents are from another era and a lot of people don't move on, musically, from what they enjoyed in their youth's.
Not all, but most.
It's me you need to impress haha ;)
Oh and about the Holland thing... There are many artists who sing in dutch but equally as many i not more, that sing in both English and dutch. They do it quite well sometimes too :P
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You have a good point. I do find it strange though - I mean, listening to my father's records is what got me hooked on songwriting, and he taught me to play the guitar (or at least to start to play it). Not only that, he used to write his own songs.
I won't pretend that my songs sound anything like those songs I used to listen to on his records (beatles, paul simon, etc) but I think they're born out of an admiration for that songcraft.
So do you really think any Dutch artists would want to cover one of my songs? And what do I have to do to impress you? :p ;)
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I really do. I lived in Holland for almost 8 years and loved every second of it. The Dutch are so into music it's great. All the time especially in the summer there are blues festivals or jazz festivals. The famous north sea jazz festival of course which was moved from The Hague to Rotterdam. In The Hague itself there was a free festival every year called Parkpop. They had three big stages and around 400,000 people would go in one day. I lived about 10 minutes walk away from this one :) The good thing about Holland is it embraces all kinds of modern music but also has many artists that keep to their roots. Like the artists who sing Paling muziek "Eel music" I know :P haha
Do me a favour... get yourself a song called "Margherita" by marco borsato. He's a very popular dutch artist who uses an english writer who's name I can't remember.
Ok the song might be a little bit dated - I haven't heard it myself for a while :P and it is in dutch.... but you'll hear what I mean I hope. He also sings songs in english... and there are many artists who do the same :)
Acda en de Munnik was one I really liked. Thought their music was cool and their lyrics clever. They always sing in dutch though but I guess you could still enjoy the feel of the song.
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A horde of adoring female fans would probably only make matters worse in the long run! :p
Hoard/horde - Freudian slip (me) - you're not having any of mine :)
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a bit off topic,
but is is nice too see that we are discussing Dutch musicians here too
I also liked Acda en de Munnik, but I don't think their music still would work without the lyrics (which are all in Dutch)
can I also recommend from the Netherlands: Anouk (lyrics in English)
well, somer of her song are interesting
and, more on topic, I also had some associastion of the piano songs of Tone with Marco Borsato, just like Schavuitje did
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Much as I'd like to capitalise on my music's suitability for a Dutch artist, I can't help feeling like the language barrier is going to be prohibitive. I don't know a word of Dutch... :(
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:D You don't need to know Dutch mate. Marco Borsato and many other dutch artists sing in English too. Anouk is a good example. Just look her up on youtube.
Kane would be another example of a band that sings in english ( very much like U2 although in the beginning like the Beatles I thought )
Racoon sing in both i think.
Don't forget the mainstream music in Holland is English and American music, which of course is all in english, and that is what the Dutch artist has to compete with if they are to make it outside of Holland and Belgium. So many Ducth artists want English songs ;)
Did you know :P The hit song Venus by Bananarama was written by the Dutch band Shocking Blue in 1969 :o
Dutchbeat - You are right there. Acda en de Munnik's lyrics are very clever in Dutch but wouldn't work in English.
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Tone
Nice job on the song. I thought that your piano work was outstanding, the piano is a beautiful instrument and I am always in awe of those who write good songs on it. Like Schavuitje I really liked the instrumental bridge towards the end of the song, beautiful work on your instument. I'm not a fan of the idea that a song has to conform to some genre or structure and for this reason I say that although I agree that there is not a huge distinction between between the verse and chorus, does it matter? Not a bloody bit. The song flows very well and and great distinction would break that flow I'm sure. Solid vocal, well written and outstandingly executed on your piano. Well done. Enjoyed it first time, appreciated it second time
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PradaLlama - thanks very much for your enthusiastic feedback. I agree with your thoughts about song structure - if a song is good and authentic, then it doesn't matter whether it has only one section or ten. Maybe if you want to be successful in the pop charts it matters, but for me, I don't care.
Also thanks for your comments about my piano playing. It's not my main instrument, and I've had to practise really hard to even play the song without mistakes, let alone have it come across well. :)
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Hey up folks
I was going to wait until I had recorded a proper vocal on this before posting, but my mic is broken, so rather than wait, I thought I'd get your feedback on this.
The mix is rough, but you can hear all the parts clearly and I think you can easily get what kind of sound and feel I'm aiming for.
Thanks for listening :)
Sundown version 2 (http://www.anthonylane.co.uk/)
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I like the other version better :-\
i think the other version was more personal, less manufactured although i did like the guitars added to it
The song itself is gorgeous amazing job :)
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Have listened to both versions really carefully and I like the new version better with the guitars and so on. Have to be truthful though, I much prefered you singing it. I think this song suits your voice and the feel that you put into it.
Also. On the line,"I can not wait for you to feel" there seems to be a mistake on the piano? A timing thing I think.
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Nice, beautiful and haunting. I like the use of the major sixth, I love the melancholic feel it gives when done properly.
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That is quite beautiful
Honestly, I love it :)
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Hi guys - thanks for the nice comments.
@Schavuitje - I know what you mean about the timing thing, but it is intentional. It doesn't skip a beat, only feels like it does.
@miniking - major sixth works even better when you do it without even being aware of it :p
@Mark - thank you :)
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Well done Tone,
It's good to hear a piano composition from you. Its clear that you are a very serious songwriter. I do hope that you get 'round to making studio recordings of your material and think that this will enable you to attract a much larger audience for your songwriting talent, if that is your goal. I especially liked the progression into the chorus which provides a good contrast to the verses. It is also here, that the vocal melody is at it strongest! I can hear the Crowded House connection in your work, Neil Finn is a writer that I too admire tremendously. It's clear to me that you are a very good lyricist and that you strive for perfection. I would prefer to hear lyrics that are easier to understand without explanation. I too, like many songwriters need to work on this aspect! This however, is not a criticism, just my preference. I'm looking forward to hearing more of your work and in the meantime congratulate you on this beautiful composition. Paul
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Paul - you're too kind! Thanks for your comments. Have you heard the new crowded house album? Not as goos as Time on Earth, but still some cracking writing on it.
As far as studio recordings go, I have a friend with a copy of protools and some decent mics, and we're trying to organise time to sit down and make some decent demos. Wish me luck, eh? ;)
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very good
good luck with the recording, Tone
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Hi Tone,
I totally agree, 'Time On Earth' is quite majestic,though as you pointed out, 'Intrigue' is a very good album. I think that Neil Finn was probably at his best on 'together alone.'
Cheers,
Paul
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Paul, I used to agree that Together Alone was his best writing, but now I think it's Time On Earth - such beautiful songs! :)
What do you make of the earlier albums?
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Hi Tone,
I've admired Crowded House since the early days. Unfortunately I haven't heard the first albums since I lost them when my house was burgled many years ago. Prior to this, I played the albums often and enjoyed them tremendously. I should buy them again and enjoy the listening experience all over again! 'Woodface' is one of my favourite albums. ' There goes God, in his sexy pants with his sausage dog', 'Not everyone in New York would pay to see andrew Lloys Webber. May his trousers fall down as he bows to the King and the crown.' Simply wonderful writing.
Do you have any favourite lyrics from the albums?
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Hi Paul
Of course I do - there's some real gems in those early records too. I love "I don't pretend to know what you want, but I offer love". "Now her parents are divorced, her friend's committed suicide, I could not escape" is another classic. "I'd much rather have a caravan in the hills than a mansion in the slums, the taste of success only lasts a half an hour or less, but it loves you when it comes". There are too many. Pretty much all of woodface!
I went to see them a couple of years ago - it was a truly spiritual experience. :)
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I think I really should listen to some of the work of crowded house ::)
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Dutchbeat - you certainly should! For pure pop, start with woodface album. For something a bit deeper, go for Time on Earth. But in truth, if it's crowded house, you can't go wrong! Enjoy :)
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o.k.
I will!
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Did you listen to Apple Venus 1&2 by XTC yet Tone? You really really should :)
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Haha no I didn't - but thanks for reminding me - I'll hook it up to Spotify this evening and give it a test drive :)
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Typical! I can't find it on Spotify :( Anything else of theirs I should check out first?