[Almosthumanrobot]

This is my first time posting on this forum, I hope I'm doing this good.

This song is inspired by songs like Viva La Vida, Hurt and obviously by the poem Ozymandias.
It's about this king looking at his empire after it's been laid to waste.
Most of the lyrics are though applicable to any situation in which you are feeling a lot of regret.

This is the first song in which I tried broader insturmentation (paino, drums etc.) I was wondering what the opinions of it on this forum are. I'm curious to see what you think!

https://soundcloud.com/almosthumanrobot/ozymandias

The Lyrics:

Ozymandias

The world was once mine
Kingdoms would fall when I gave the sign
Now only regret remains
Shattered round these vast planes

What is the point of living
If you recieve nothing worth giving

God what have I done
What have I become

Swept away from my throne
Scraping sorrow from my bone
Let it be known
I attone..
I attone

Losing all sense of direction
Becoming astranged to my reflection

God what have I done
What have I become

Detached from all worth human
I gaze upon this fiery ruin
And out of my head these words appear
My name Ozymandias
Despair!

If I could begin anew
With everything I ever new

God what have I done
What have I become

God what have I done
What have I become

[mickyplankton]

Hi Almost Human Robot.

Welcome to the forum. Musically This is brilliant. Love the layered structure to this tune. It's mellow but also got depth and a real sense of drama.
I also love the subject matter. It's great when I hear a song about  soemething I've never heard of before, and have to go to Wikipedia. Very original. Makes a change from listening to songs about failed relationships of which there's been quite a few on this forum recently (no offence intended here folks - admittedly the regulars are generally not guilty of this but some of the passers by are!)
No crit of the production.works perfectly for me.
On a side note, If you are into falls of empires, I would strongly recommend the Fall of Rome podcast on Soundcloud by Patrick Wyman. It's a great listen.

[pompeyjazz]

This is a fascinating debut on the forum and a really interesting and absorbing song. It's great to hear your stuff and also good to see that you're giving some two way participation. Some minor timing issues maybe but that doesn't distract in any way to what is an excellent song

[redrhodie]

I agree with those above me. Really cool song. Beautiful lyrics. Singing was really good. Sad melody and vibe. The only criticism I have is minor and technical, and something I sometimes do, and that's popping on the P words. Easily fixed with a pop filter on your mic.

[Skub]

Yo Ozy man. Welcome to the forum. 

Minor chord melancholy is thus invoked.

This track improves with each listen and even given the basic rough mix the song itself stands well. It's interesting,textured and lyrically intriguing.

redrhodie mention the popping on the mic,which is easy to prevent,but not to fix. A pop filter only cost a couple of quid on the bay and would serve you in great stead for the future.

I enjoyed the listen,ta for posting,I also liked your song 'Stories' on your s/c page. 

[Silver Machine]

Yeah, a lot of sadness, resignation and weariness in that vocal, man. I can see you standing somewhere like Machu Picchu and sighing this to the wind.
 Lyrics, vocal, music, all hang out together harmoniously.  The whole thing together was strangely moving.

The vocal was a bit robotic  (dont know if that was a conscious attempt cos of your name?), and a bit like you'd had a few benzos,  (but hey youve just lost a kingdom!)
Good stuff , man.

[Neil C]

Hello,
Well I think you hit the mark in terms of resigned, saddened ruler. I had to look him up to.
Nice musically backdrop, getting touches of Coldplay and organic Radiohead.
I think you might want to look at the vocals a bit so the vocals lead rather than support the tune.
 
neil

[Almosthumanrobot]

Thanks for all the nice words guys! Really makes me want to continue on this track. I'll be buying a pop-filter very soon. I didn't know what it was before posting here, so thanks for letting me know.

[PaulyX]

Hi, welcome to the forum.
I thought this was a measured and emotional track, and the lyrics were the standout for me.  Great topic to base a song around.
I liked the suspenseful build of the song too, but could also hear it in my mind with bigger production... to me it felt like the build never quite climaxes in this mix. What if you let loose on the drums, treat us to a snare and brought in some big guitars half way through?  Maybe get the editing knife out too and bring it down to 4 mins or so - there were a few inter-verse sections where it felt like you could lose a couple of repetitions without sacrificing any aspect of the song.
The vocal was cool, could maybe bring it up in the mix a bit but the delivery was excellent - sad and emotional but not overplayed, you genuinely sound like someone bewildered by their circumstances.
I hope you push on with this track and share some more on the forum.