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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: man made material on January 16, 2021, 07:04:40 PM
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So I suppose this is a potentially controversial subject! It’s written from a paradoxical view point... musically this is very minimalist... so probably not going to be everyone’s cup of tea!
https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/FhYpENGJuED9L5so7
Lyrics:
It seems there’s some confusion
It seems you’ve been misled
People repeating all sorts of things
Attributed to something I said
To clear up the delusion
I want to make you see
I didn’t create you at all
You created me
Don’t kneel before my alter
Don’t thank me for my gifts
Don’t kill each other in my name
What fragile ego demands this?
I may seem flawed and thoughtless
And treat you carelessly
You made me in the image of you
It’s not you in the image of me
I don’t listen to your questions
So don’t expect an answer
Don’t do as I do, or do as I say
It’s you who wrote those ten lines anyway
Thou, shall have no other gods before me
I may seem flawed and thoughtless
And treat you carelessly
You made me in the image of you
It’s not you in the image of me
To clear up the delusion
I want to make you see
I didn’t create you at all
You created me
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Me encanta @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704)
It's a terribly catchy song, I'm already humming it, it gets into my head ..
I love the rhythm, the atmosphere that surrounds it is so effective!
I love the lyrics even though I had another perception, how good the variety, and I was thinking that God made us so that we would know of His existence because the inert neither thinks nor feels but now, reading your lyrics ... Well that! It is true! hahaha
Wonderful, wonderful
Mora
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@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704)
Hi, I really like the idea of the lyric and it's pretty well delivered, made me think a little of Peter Gabriel, which is a good thing. Wouldn't get played in the southern states of the USA though, those bonkers far right evangelists would have burned the radio station down for such heresy ;).
V Enjoyable
Jamie
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@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704)
Well I go along with the philosophical argument you make here and you do it very cleverly. The effect on the vocal doesn't sit well on my ears - bordering on the unpleasant. The musical setting is fine, particularly the sweeping synths. There are some weird sound effects going on which are frankly a little distracting but generally this is a very well thought out arrangement of a good piece of songwriting.
M
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Hi @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) , just a minute if you are man made material how come God made you? ;D
Just kidding, well this is a bit of independently minded defiance that is typically British in its black humour. The jolty rhythm and sparse synths remind me of early electro artists, but it’s all well thought out and catchy too. Clever and intriguing.
I think the robotic edge on that vocal effect might take a little away from your very human, almost quirky irreverence on display here, but that’s obviously a personal view.
Very cool otherwise 8)
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Hey @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) just a friendly reminder that it really helps listeners to give feedback on your songs if you give us an idea of what kind of feedback you're looking for. :)
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I was concerned that the subject matter may put some people off giving this a listen, so thanks to those of you who dipped your toe into the theological minefield!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) glad you enjoyed it, I like your perspective on the subject, I love that circular question of; could god exist if we weren’t there to know of his existence, so he made us so that he could exist only if people new he existed.... I’m tying myself in knots!😂
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) you’re right! This is a thorny topic, I don’t think I really analysed that it could be repulsive to large swathes of certain areas! I knew it was potentially controversial but I was just trying to resolve and illustrate an idea I had been mulling over, glad you got my point of view👍
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) thanks for your comments and appreciating the message, I was trying to give a certain effect to the vocal to clarify that it was coming from god as against singing from my point of view, I had tried a couple of other versions previously and this is the least jarring, maybe I’m not there yet!...
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) I suppose it is dark humour, my intention was to create a paradox where god is saying; I didn’t create you, I’m your creation, so don’t complain if I (god) seem flawed because I’m created by humans who are themselves flawed... but the if he’s a figment of our imagination how can he be speaking to tell us that he didn’t create us?... there’s also another way of looking at it, in that humans belief in god actually called him into existence.... I don’t think that’s what I was saying but it’s also an interesting take....
@tone (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=1) fair enough! Although I’ll be honest I don’t know if there was something specific I wanted feedback on, there has been some really great things brought up that will be useful, and sometimes when I’ve been working on a song I find I go ear blind and just need someone else to point out things they spot generally... I’ll try to give something specific in future 👍
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Hello,
I like your voice very much, very original while reminding me Depeche mode with more effect.
I like the sounds you use.
In fact, it's original in the end, whereas at the very beginning I felt like I heard it a lot of times but it doesn't last.
Bravo !
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@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704),
The intro is really engaging. Good build from the very minimal beginning to tge introduction of synth. Quite retro and woyldn't be out of place amongst early 80's pop electronic music. Enjoyable incidental effects coming and going. The icing on the cake woukd be a section that embodies a vocal in a higher register. The cintrast would really make this shine. I enjoyed lustwning.
Paul
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Clever and original idea for a song. And for sure it's all paradoxical and makes no sense (but then neither do a lot of things said in the name of religion).
There's something compelling about the minimal production and beat, quite Human League-ish. Interesting and individual and I think you succeeded in doing exactly what you set out to do.
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Man...as an atheist I love the lyrics in this! I especially love the “I didn’t create you...you created me” that is a GREAT line. Lots of cool little musical guests in this track...keeping it interesting...but yeah, for me the lyrics are the winner of this one.
Great job mate!😄🎶👊🏻🎶
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Great song. I think I've said on here a few times that this sort of thing isn't really my cup of tea, but I do find myself liking your stuff. Probably because it conjures up memories of the few bands that sound a bit like this I did like at the time.
The synths are great, well balanced and create plenty of width and variation.
I suppose I should address the lyrics as well ;D. Brilliant! There are some lines that don't quite scan as well as they could but I love the message and the way the lyrics deliver it. I agree with Lostboy on the line 'I didn’t create you at all, you created me' but I also really like 'Don’t kill each other in my name. What fragile ego demands this?'.
Great work.
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Sacrilege! I love the lyrics. :D
Interesting backing track and robotic vocals.
I thought God would sound more like the wizard of oz behind the curtain though :D
I might have jumped up a key or two - maybe switched to the sub-dominate half way through just to make it less predictable - but that's just me.
Enjoyed the experience :D
Paul
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@Inanité_sonore (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22286) yep I’m a big DM fan!😁 thanks for giving it a go!
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) cheers, I’d really like to work with a female singer- I don’t know any, but I guess this place is where to find one right? I just need to pluck up the courage!😁
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) the fact that this was a paradoxical situation discussing something full of contradictions was one of the things that I liked about writing this... the inspiration for the sound palette came from more of the industrial side of things - Nine Inch Nails and Front 242 were what I had in the back of my mind...
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) cheers sir! It’s not a subject I spend a great deal of time thinking about, but occasionally my mind drifts off to various scenarios about how religion is used to control and manipulate... this little paradox came out of that musing- thanks for your kind words
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) thanks for trying a different flavoured tea!😁 that second line that you picked out is something I’ve long thought - if there was a god who demanded non believers to be killed, it’s not any sort of god that’s worthy of worship!
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) perhaps I’ll do a vocal take of God behind the curtain of Oz!😂.., now that’s an idea for a song - I like it! Hmmm now I need to find out what a sub dominate is - I have no musical theory knowledge to speak of... I like the idea of switching to something called sub dominate in a song questioning the validity of god though!😁
Thanks all of you for listening and commenting, it’s great that many people are happy to discuss a controversial topic and you haven’t burnt me at the stake!🔥😁
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Very clever lyrics with some really great lines - particularly the quote "you created me" line.
Great beat - completely grabbed me from the first second. Agree with the DM refs.. It's really well played and produced. I absolutely LOVE it @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) Nice work! :)
K
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Nice production.....a bit dark, but nice. I can't relate much with the lyric. I see it completely different ;-)
With that said...........keep on writing, and have fun.
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Yes Depeche Mode influence, and the light instru fits the lyrics
Well done⁰
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@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) cheers, I’d really like to work with a female singer- I don’t know any, but I guess this place is where to find one right? I just need to pluck up the courage!😁
it's a bit like dating! ;D ;D ;D
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Loved this @man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) Clever subject matter and getting the DM influence as well. Love the choices of dark and dirty synths and you've left enough space to give the song great dynamics. Great stuff
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) thanks for listening and the positive comments!
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) thanks for giving it a go even if you have a different point of view - it’s what makes the world go round!... and with no sense of irony, I love your name!
@Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) cheers! I love me some DM!
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) I’ll put my lucky underpants on😉😁
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) cheers sir! Much appreciated 👍
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It isn't typical of the kind of music I listen to but I really like this. The lyrics make perfect sense to me - I couldn't have put it better. All a matter of opinion of course. The arrangement is spot on. Well done, this is awesome. :)
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Theres a real depth to the idea that man created God in their image.. great job with the lyrics well done!
The mix sounds good, but my ears were craving for a bit more variety to be going on as the song progressed - that could be either further variations in the melodies, or perhaps additional 'high-up' instruments (man made in the sky :)) that come in and sprinkle across the middle section and final verse?
Overall an interesting and thought provoking track.