[ael007]

Hi all New to this site, and newish to the song writing thing as well.

Please have a look and tell what you think.


INTRO
we've left each other
but still love one and other

VERSE 1
time will heal me I'm sure
but at this moment I'am still so sore
sitting lonely on the floor

time to be strong, time to move on
can't believe I got this so wrong

CORUS
I need you, I just feel so blue
I lost you, can't believe it's true
I love you, oh yes I do
I love you, but I know were thru

VERSE 2
all the days I sit any pray
there so much still I have to say
now its June we split in may

time to be strong, time to move on
can't believe I got this so wrong

CORUS
I need you, I just feel so blue
I lost you, can't believe it's true
I love you, oh yes I do
I love you, but i know were thru

BRIDGE
I need you, I need you
I've lost you, I've lost you
I love you, I love you

oh yes I do.

[BooBoo]

I quite like this. The chorus is simple but works really well I think. The verses are good especially the second where you say split in May and it's now June. It shows the pain you're going through (of course you could've broken up the 31st May and it's now 1st June ).  Good song!

[EattheChildren]

I like this a lot. A simple song that really says a lot about you. My only issue is that there are a lot of typos. I'm a grammar freak, so that bothere me, but it's a great song regardless.

[benjo]

 I like this it flows well enough, nice simple chorus
 enjoyed reading well done,

                                 tony.

[Nellie]

I really liked this! It's simple and I like the idea behind the song

[PeeJay]

Hi,

I’m going to be boring and echo what’s been said mostly.

It’s nice and simple and flows along nicely. Allowing for the spelling and grammar errors.

Maybe there’s over use of easy rhymes (is that what they’re called?) throughout.

Nice one,

Phil.

[nathanjonestv]

Elegant and simple but I agree way to many cheesy rhymes I feel like you just said may to make it rhyme and some of it feels forced just to make it rhyme.

It doesn't always have to rhyme to be a great song a lot of people think it does but doesn't.

But that said It flows well and a nice short song!

[Jess]

Normally I'm not too keen on really simple songs, but this was quite sweet and worked. I like the lines about plotting up in May and the bridge converted a lot of emotion. Welcome to the forum