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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pnb99 on January 15, 2020, 07:51:01 PM
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Hi,
This is a song that fundamentally centers on a father figure giving guidance, and a warning, to his son, to recognise that the value he has to offer the world comes from within. Unlike, the father, who felt that his value came from without and is now unable to change.
https://soundcloud.com/pbrankin/aimhigh-lpfilter-1
Verse 1
I felt the cold, for the first time
I fell apart, You couldnʼt read my mind
Pre-Chorus 1
I feel high, I feel low
One night down on Broadway
Too far, too soon
This is why they say
Chorus 1
Aim high, open your eyes
Youʼre holding a miracle
For all to see
Verse 2
Standing alone, lights in my eyes
Wearing the clothes of an emperors fool
Pre-Chorus 2
I feel high, I feel low
This night down on Broadway
Too far, too soon
This is why i say
Chorus 2
Aim high, open your eyes
You're holding a miracle
For all to see yeah
Chorus 3
So, Aim high, open your eyes
Youʼre holding a miracle
For all to see
Bridge
Thereʼs not a lot round here
Thereʼs not a lot round here
Chorus 4
So aim high, my child
Reach up, run Wild
Donʼt look down, leave this town
This is what you need
8 Bar Guitar Break
Chorus 5
Aim high, open your eyes
You're holding a miracle
For all to see
Alternative Chorus
I have given everything
Iʼve swallowed bitter medicine
If you were in my place, youʼd read my mind
All these words they fit me still
They never change, they never will
Even if I try with all my heart
Chorus 6
So, Aim high, open your eyes
You're holding a miracle
For all to see ....yeah.
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I REALLY enjoy this track, great energy & Rhythm with well constructed lyrics & melody
but its the Stellar Vocals that really bring the emotion and draw you in !
I love the background vocals at the end and you NAILED that high note! really great
job on a very good song :) .....Ray
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OMG! Where have you been hiding Paul? This is an exceptionally well produced, arranged and delivered track. And Wow, to the vocals!...I assume that's you singing... so much passion :) I love the message, but I'm glad you gave a little intro because I may not have interpreted the lyrics in that way. Love how the chorus soars into another stratosphere :o
Are you doing all the recording and producing, cause it sounds very professional 8)
Definitely radio ready :) Gorgeous :-*
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@pnb99 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22271) - I've always liked your work Paul, since 'Liberated' (still one of my favourites....) nicely polished song, well planned and arranged. Like the resistance to blasting out a Rock God solo....
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Hey Paul. Top song. Very catchy and we'll put together. As the others have said the vocals are exceptional. I would be tempted to nudge them a bit higher in the mix just to let them soar a bit more over the backing. Reminds me of Spandau Ballet.
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Great song - it even has a bit of a show-tune feel to it. I really like the rises and falls - the low key middle eight and build back up from there which really gives impact to the final choruses.
The lyrics are slightly cryptic to tell the exact story you mention - but I think I prefer that, so they are more universal, and I think the message is clear whatever context the listener might put on them.
Exciting arrangement too - great to listen to.
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Really loved the vocal on this- very well written song and the bridge is awesome. Felt like it could be in a musical of some sort. Well done :)
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Hi, I really enjoyed this, a very polished and professional song and production. Great vocals and harmonies. Lovely build and arrangement. Loved it, the only nit I have is that the drums sounded slightly dry to me and that made them feel pasted on rather than integral.Not sure how to describe it bette than that, I'm not that techy :P.
Good stuff!
Cheers
Jamie
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Boy! I would like to have your skills. The only thing I have to say about this (besides good things) is...I would like to hear your voice a little better. It kinda sounds buried a bit in the mix. Just a bit--not terrible, and I can hear it. I'd just like to hear it a little more clearly.
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Really liked this, top vocal performance, soaring and expressive. The chorus is particularly catchy and the break-out more delicate section is a delicious contrast.
It's got an almost OTT theatrical element to it that would make it a great Eurovision entry, except a good one at that, and could very well win. Give it a go!
I'll look out for more of your stuff. Very accomplished!
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Thank you all for your very generous reviews. It really is very appreciated.
Paul
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Hi,
The track is really good ! I really like the voice, it's beautifully sung and interpreted, perfect, very catchy.
I would just say that maybe the drum sound could have been bigger, especially on the snare drum.
It's very good work, very professional!
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Great track with a great 80s feel to it. Superbly performed and produced. Amazing vocals
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Hey, quality fists-pumping-the-air positive hi-energy track here. Really good vocals and solid production. For me it reminded me of Bon Jovi or something of that ilk.
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Hi Paul
I'd just like to add to all the plaudits you have already received and say what a great song and vocal performance I really enjoyed it.
The production and arrangement sound incredibly polished and professional, was it recorded in a home studio? Regardless I loved it and can't wait to hear more of your music.
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Hi @Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532)
Many thanks for your review and generous words.
Yes, all recorded at home. I love production work and put a lot of time and energy into it. It’s sometimes a very subjective thing and one can get easily fooled by your own ears and equipment. Therefore, it’s great to hear that other people enjoy both the song and “the sound”
I have to confess that it’s not my voice though. It’s a good friend of mine. I did everything else though! (Hope that still counts ;-) )
Thanks again.
Paul
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I think this is the first of your tracks I’ve heard... I’ll definitely be back for more.
I hope you don’t take this as a negative but to my ears, this has 80’s inspired modern Uk Eurovision entry written all over it.
Yodasdad
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Thanks @Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208)
Someone said the same thing (Eurovision) in an earlier review in this thread. I can’t hear it myself but, it’s certainly not a negative for me in any way.
Just grateful that folks listen and comment.
Thank you.
Paul
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Hi pnb99,
you have a nice sounding song here But I listen to your song I meant i really listen to it and to be honest to me something is missing. Right now I cannot say what it is but it is like I want to feel the aim high feel as i listen and I am not feeling it.
I check the lyric it goes well with the melody Yes!.
You have a nice opening first verse there, melody is great.
The second verse reads and sounds well with the melody too.
(Your Pre Chorus)
Pre-Chorus 1
I feel high, I feel low
One night down on Broadway
Too far, too soon
This is why they say
The Pre Chorus it is much stronger than the Chorus and that I can't accept (but that is only me)
All in all after hearing the whole song through it is not telling me what it needs to tell me about aim high, sorry.
but nice sounding song though.
irwin
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Many thanks for listening to my song @irwin (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19439). Sorry it doesn't "connect" with you but, I genuinely appreciate the review.