I pretty much always like your songs. This is my kind of rhythm, my kind of chord progression and melody. I'm not especially a fan of depressing songs, which this appears to be, but if I ignore the message and just listen to the way the words, chords and melody fit together, it's all good.
I do wonder if you need the word "out" in the 4th line? I think it will work without it and, for some reason, "...that you see out from the corners of your eyes" sounds odd to me. Maybe it's just me, though.
First impressions...this is a "shattered, broken man" going away against his will in great discomfort (glass and nails). I assume there's a woman with "restless, roaming eyes" doing the banishing? I suppose it doesn't matter; it's the mood that counts. And I believe I get the mood.
Overall I like the song. Nice job. I like the 1+1 treatment. I want to learn to play guitar better.... I know, I keep saying that. I guess I need to practice. ??
Hi Vickie.............thank you for being the first to comment
I mulled over the lyrics, with this song, probably more the most of my other songs. "Out" was examined, and I decided it was needed to fill the syllabic requirements the melody dictated. This is why my lyrics have a hard time standing by themselves, I guess. I try singing the song without "out" and the melody doesn't flow like I want it to
. In the end, I place the melody before the lyric, as evidence of my craft.
As far as your first impressions.......you are exactly correct. But, that wasn't too hard....was it?
And practice, practice, practice...so they say. I never practice. I just play, simply for the joy of it. Even when I first picked up the guitar, it was simply fun, and felt lovely in my arms.
But, I hear what you are saying...I, too, wish I were better
Thanks, again!
Hey Tom.
I listened to this a few times trying to figure what it brought to my mind,then it clicked..Badfinger. Very much in the mode of Pete Ham. Wonderful,earthy,raw live feel. Brought back the closing scenes of Breaking Bad when they played Baby Blue.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Skub for listening and commenting.....I'm glad my tune conjured up such good company!
very raw..very brilliant..loved it, super song and love the acoustic guitar...would def benefit from better production IMHO..
but it's about the song innit!!!
Thanks Shadow....ALL my songs would benefit with a good production. I just don't have that certain form of patience, recording in my house, grappling all the noise this world brings down. I always hurry. Interuptions are what plague my
home studio (if that's OK to call it that)
So for me, it is about the song
Thanks again!
Got a Led Zep feel from this.....
Just knew it was going to be good
Lovely vocal. For some reason I kept
hearing a banjo in there somewhere
Loved it Tom....every one a winner
Hey there Bin.......wow, you hear the same thing I hear, apparently. What you are hearing is the phenomenon that is the only reason that really keeps me attempting to record my songs. It happens, every so often, that sounds appear from out of nowhere, suggesting and pointing me in directions that I normally wouldn't think of. That banjo that you hear is the same one that I hear. The opening guitar seems haunted by a ghost banjo that plays along.
If I work on this song further, a banjo will be written in!
Thanks for noticing......I thought I was going crazy
And thanks to all who has listened!
-Tom