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Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Peppermint on April 23, 2014, 09:17:58 PM

Title: Where Are You Now?
Post by: Peppermint on April 23, 2014, 09:17:58 PM
Hey everyone,

I've been writing this for some time and have finally got round to finishing it off a little more so thought it was worth uploading.

It's basically a song about a guy who was with a girl who didn't really fancy him and she left him.

Hope you like it.  :)

Peppermint

Where Are You Now?

V1
you would always wake up in the morning and comb out your hair,
And spent the rest of the day deciding what clothes to wear,
But baby no matter how you looked, I didn't care,
As long as you said that you would always be there,
V2
I used to take you out to restaurants where you said you liked the food,
It was just one of my little ways to try and lighten the mood,
But whatever I did for you was wrong,
And deep down we knew this all along,
V3
I even drove us to the station, for a short vacation,
But the only thing on your mind, was a separation.
All ready to break us apart, tearing pieces out my heart.
C
And now,
I'm a broken man with no one to hold my hand,
And it's to late now for you to try and understand,
Now that you've broken free, you've upset me,
This wasn't the way it was meant to be.
V4
Now i'm busking out for money outside my local bar,
Taking out all of my pain and frustration out on my guitar,
Just tell me who your with and where you are,
So I can begin to heal this broken heart.
Title: Re: Where Are You Now?
Post by: PeeJay on April 23, 2014, 10:05:31 PM
Hi Peppermint,

I liked this and the scenarios you used to paint a portrait of their relationship.

I'd have to say i was a bit confused by the fact that in verse 1 he didn't care and in verse 4 he was devastated. Maybe make it more consistent.

Also, the last line of the chorus should read wasn't or was not instead of 'weren't'.

Nice one,

Phil.
Title: Re: Where Are You Now?
Post by: Peppermint on April 23, 2014, 10:29:59 PM
Quote from: PeeJay on April 23, 2014, 10:05:31 PM
Hi Peppermint,

I liked this and the scenarios you used to paint a portrait of their relationship.

I'd have to say i was a bit confused by the fact that in verse 1 he didn't care and in verse 4 he was devastated. Maybe make it more consistent.

Also, the last line of the chorus should read wasn't or was not instead of 'weren't'.

Nice one,

Phil.

Hello Phil,

Thanks for your helpful review.
didn't notice the error in in chorus until you pointed it out pleased you mentioned it  :)

I've changed that line in the first verse slightly as i agree with what you said about me needing to make it a little more clearer for the reader as the original line didn't work.

Thanks again
Peppermint
Title: Re: Where Are You Now?
Post by: Paulski on April 24, 2014, 12:48:29 AM
Hi Peppermint

I liked the flow to this and I like how you introduce the chorus with "And now". That will be a great pause musically.
I am a little puzzled at the 3rd verse having fewer lines ( or maybe that could work as a prechorus) , and I noticed that the last two lines of each verse have a different syllable count so it may need some work to fit music unless it fits already in which case ignore me.
Some good work here!
Paul
Title: Re: Where Are You Now?
Post by: GTB on April 24, 2014, 08:05:08 PM
Hi, that's a unique structure there; 4 verses, 1 chorus and one verse has one less lines than the others.  Nothing wrong with it, if that's what you like.
For me, if you're going to put this to music you might have to restructure it a bit - I'll look out for a recording :-)
GTB
Title: Re: Where Are You Now?
Post by: benjo on April 29, 2014, 06:49:34 PM

 hi pep,

 I like the story you have here,  its classic and always works
 you've been given some good advice too witch I agree with

 if this were mine I'd be more tempted to switch it round so the  man leaves
 for me it doesn't sound right for a man to say no one to hold my hand
 I think try looking at this story the other way round see witch is best and go with that

 hope you understand what I mean

 but this is a lovely story well done


  tony...


 
Title: Re: Where Are You Now?
Post by: hardtwistmusic on April 30, 2014, 03:55:46 PM
Took me several reads to find a tune to sing this to.  Once I did, it sang fine, and flowed well.  Dunno why it took me so many tries before. 

Good lyric that everyone should be able to identify with.