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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on January 21, 2021, 07:18:18 PM

Title: sweet oblivion
Post by: rightly on January 21, 2021, 07:18:18 PM
Sweet Oblivion


I wrote this some months ago
I think the meaning of the song is in there somewhere
It was a surprisingly fast write, with the production i didn't know which way
I went two ways the disco one fell apart this didn't


would like feedback

I hope someone enjoys the song

link

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/sweet-oblivion

lyrics

. . sweet oblivion


where's the line between self esteem
. . and hideous pride?
don't you fret tho' you've never seen
. . . any stranger times
'wouldn't turn around you have got this far
I wouldn't want to see you crash that car
wiser than yo' years y'have never been young
. . . in the arms of someone

you really are out and about
. . . . in the wilderness
where survival is hand to mouth
. . . are you up for this?
. . harder to follow than it is to lead
surrenderland will bite but has no teeth
. . reasonably plain you just don't belong
. . . in that sweet oblivion

keep your nerve on the rising curve
. . . ev'ry twist and turn
stay in step the later it gets the more
      you're sure to learn
  I had to learn who my friends really were
ignorance could not have been much worse
I'll have the last word be it right or wrong
..... in that sweet oblivion

     
__________________

rightly


____________________________
[/b]

these two expressed an interest in hearing the song after reading the lyrics

@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) and @hardtwistmusic (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19215)
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: CaliaMoko on January 22, 2021, 12:25:54 AM
The melody moved nicely and, even though it is slow, it seems to move well. I kept wanting to sing along. I have no nits and don't know enough about production to comment on ir. I think I'm glad you didn't go disco. ;D
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: adamfarr on January 22, 2021, 08:46:32 AM
Hi Rightly - I like this one a lot - I think it's because (from my distant chair) it seemed that you had paid more attention to making it interesting melodically. Perhaps it's not as unusual as some of yours but I think in this case it really works. It had something of the Gainsbourg about it which always makes my ears prick up.
Love the line about "Surrenderland will bite" - though the first time I read it as Sunderland, which would be a whole other story.
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: Maya Clars on January 22, 2021, 10:02:47 AM
Original sound and unique performance.  Beautiful harmonics.
I think the hi-hat has uneven volume and it would be cool to turn down the volume of the cymbals a little bit. But that's just my opinion.

Maya
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: montydog on January 22, 2021, 03:57:34 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
This is pretty typical of your work - the arrangement, melodic character and vocals are so distinctive. You know I'm a fan but I don't think this moved things on from what you've done before. It's great as an example of what you do but I don't think it breaks any new ground. Am I being too harsh?
Keep 'em coming.
M
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: Unclenny on January 22, 2021, 07:23:11 PM
I agree that this is classic Rightly, but that's just fine with me. I look forward to your music because it always takes me to a place that no other music does.

Great set of lyrics on this one.
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: IronKnee on January 23, 2021, 03:24:49 AM
Hey there Rightly..........just wanted you to know that I like this.
As is!
It's hard to come up with any concrete philosophical understanding.........but, I'm working on that.
                               ;-) - T
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: rightly on January 23, 2021, 01:09:52 PM
Quote from: montydog on January 22, 2021, 03:57:34 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
This is pretty typical of your work - the arrangement, melodic character and vocals are so distinctive. You know I'm a fan but I don't think this moved things on from what you've done before. It's great as an example of what you do but I don't think it breaks any new ground. Am I being too harsh?
Keep 'em coming.
M

@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)

Not too harsh, no. You're not trolling. I appreciate your sincerity.

this is a slightly older production
I can't post chronologically
my newer material is much better production wise

still this song has sentimental value for me
I wrote it for one of those amazing women that got away,
she never got to hear it.

It's the closest thing I've got left of her.

It's a strange song, as vaguely articulate as ever.
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: rightly on January 24, 2021, 08:44:53 PM
Quote from: adamfarr on January 22, 2021, 08:46:32 AM
Hi Rightly - I like this one a lot - I think it's because (from my distant chair) it seemed that you had paid more attention to making it interesting melodically. Perhaps it's not as unusual as some of yours but I think in this case it really works. It had something of the Gainsbourg about it which always makes my ears prick up.
Love the line about "Surrenderland will bite" - though the first time I read it as Sunderland, which would be a whole other story.


yes, you're right Adam
I went for more melody here
I tend to get lost in other details and I'm so productive , maybe I need to step back
and regroup melody is a lovely thing.

Thanks for commenting!!
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: MonnoDB on January 24, 2021, 09:33:44 PM
Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - I like this.. Lyrically very strong... The Surrenderland line is fab but there are other great lines in there.. Always engaging and intriguing (I know my reviews of your work are soooo predictable).. Love the piano most of all I think from an instrumentation point of view - really works to give a bit of sparkle with those high twinkly riffs with the lower piano giving a bit more of an anchor to the whole piece..

Lovely work, sir!

Karen
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: Jamie on January 25, 2021, 02:25:56 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

Hi, unmistakably one of your concoctions, though this time it's bit more confection despite the yearning behind the lyric. I also think you've really worked the melody on this one.
Always engaging and listenable.

Nice one!


Cheers

Jamie
Title: Re: sweet oblivion
Post by: rightly on January 27, 2021, 12:25:25 PM
thanks Jamie!

I appreciate your words of encouragement!
this is an older production
I need to share some of my more recent songs!