[Sing4me88]

Not a particularly unique subject but my take on it anyway Got a really weird melody in my head that is a f*&ked up cross between Elizza Doolittles 'Big when I was little' and Kid Rock 'All summer long' (weird that it's about the same topic also!!!!).

Anyway not really sure about this one or if/how to develop it but I felt like writing a song one evening and this sorta just fell out onto the page. As always all feedback welcome

We were younger then ©Hearty 2013
V1
Strolled down Rugby Road again,
Past the house we lived in,
I wonder what you’re at this afternoon
Thinking ‘bout our carefree days,
How we let ‘em slip away,
We got too serious way too soon

PC
Sounds like I’ve been drinking,
Ah Mitzy I’m only thinking
How back then
Sunshine was brighter,
We were lovers not fighters,
But not now,
Rebels with a cause,
Yeah we won and never lost,
But not now,
Oh no not now

C
Cos we were younger then,
We were younger then,
We were younger then,
We were younger then

V2
Catch the bus to University,
You’d finish early and wait for me,
Yeah that’s how we rolled back then,
Kissing on that Uni-link,
Never crossed our minds to think,
That was the beginning of the end

PC
Sounds like I’ve been drinking,
Ah Mitzy I’m only thinking
How back then
Sunshine was brighter,
We were lovers not fighters,
But not now,
Rebels with a cause,
Yeah we won and never lost,
But not now,
Oh no not now

C
Cos we were younger then,
We were younger then,
We were younger then,
We were younger then

B
Staring at this yellow door,
The number 43 is worn,
Like my memories of this old place,
Rugby Road beneath my feet,
Close my eyes, I can see,
How good it was back in the day

C
When we were younger then,
We were younger then,
We were younger then,
We were younger then

[seriousfun]

This is very good.  I love the line 'sunshine was brighter' says a lot.

I am not so sure about the line 'we were lovers not fighters' as it is quite a well worn cliche' and I also wonder about its relevance given that you describe yourselves as 'rebels with a cause' , that sort of clashes a bit to me. Something you may like to consider.

Easy to relate to if you are not a young'un and have memories to look back at.

Well written.

Allan.

[Sing4me88]

Hi Allan. Thanks for the feedback and encouragement. As always your experience forwards some really interesting points and worthwhile advice. I was torn between using the cliche or not and in the end I guess I took the lazy option and stuck it in. In terms of the contradiction what I was trying to articulate was that whilst to each others 'we were lovers not fighters' it was very much an 'us against the world' when it came to the rest of the world hence being 'rebels with a cause'. I can see where the wires could be crossed and I really should try and tweak that to clear it up!

[PeeJay]

This is a good little tale.

I can almost hear that Kid Rock song as i'm reading it.

I liked the 'rebels WITH a cause' contrast between then and now.

I suppose we all think things were better back in the day - because they were!

Nice one,

Phil.

[GTB]

Hi SFM,

I'm looking at the amount of words in the non-verse parts, most of which get repeated, so I think you'll need a good strong melody for those parts as they could be taking up most of the time, plus I guess the chorus will need a strong hook too.  The bridge looks the same shape as the verses but as you label it as a bridge ('B') I assume you have a contrasting melody & chords in mind?
I like the 'rugby road' references, adds a personal touch.  I think you have good lyrics here but as you say it's not a 'unique' subject so perhaps a strong tune will be required to make it 'special'.  Sorry if these ramblings aren't very specific - btw I agree about the 'rebel' comments too, it is slightly distracting because the two lines immediately before take the listener from 'then' to 'now' and suddenly you're back 'then' again, if that makes any sense :-S
Good song though, could be very good with the right tune
GTB

[hardtwistmusic]

Not a particularly unique subject but my take on it anyway Got a really weird melody in my head that is a f*&ked up cross between Elizza Doolittles 'Big when I was little' and Kid Rock 'All summer long' (weird that it's about the same topic also!!!!).

We got too serious way too soon

The one thing that struck me as I read the lyric was this line. 

I'd have gone with "Got way too serious, way too soon." 

Feel free to discard the suggestion. 

Very good overall lyric imo.

[BooBoo]

I like the story this one tells. Reminds me a bit of some I Avril Lavignes newer songs, probably because they're about reminiscing of the past. Good song over all

[benjo]

hey,

nice work very well put and written,
gave me a good feeling just reading this
enjoyed very much,
                                tony...

[Jess]

I'm not joking I've commented on this like 3 times! My comments keep not showing up

Anyway, I swear you write all your songs to the tune of/inspired by Elize Doolittle...(it's ok your secrets safe with me )
Firstly, where is rugby road? Just curious. For me the first verse is the only weak part of the song? Maybe it's because it's just setting the song, but I much preferred the second verse. I love the bridge too! Just the door number being worn paints such a great mental image.
In the pre c who's Mitzy? She was a cat in my town on 'animal crossing' when I was little (where's my animal crossing buddy James Nighthawk when you need him?) so now all I can think of is a blue cat every time I hear that name...
The chorus is good and pop-y, probably better to melody than it reads

[Allan]

Good song, the pre chorus is my favorite part, the whole song felt easy to read and sing so to the right tune I think it will be great.
Al

[LnBabe]

The blending of it all is really good, reads well and I'm sure would sound amazing too!

[diademgrove]

I liked the way the song looks back with sadness about what happened. Struck a personal chord with me.

Rather than use the cliché you could see if "We were lovers and fighters" works. To me it says you were both together against the world, but not now. The implication being that you are now longer lovers.

Just my thoughts, feel free to ignore them if they don't fit.

diadem

[titiami]

i like the pre chorus, but the chorus is  not strong enough