The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Bankie on April 24, 2022, 09:23:11 PM
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https://soundcloud.com/bankie666/going-under
I haven't completed anything for a while. Lots and lots (and lots) of WIPs, so it was time to pick one and finish it, and this is the track I picked. I started it back in 2019 while playing around with my (at the time) new ESP guitar. This is melodic hard rock, which my voice isn't well-suited, so vocals are by Eric Castiglia, who I found on Fiverr.
Lyrics
This is a dawning of a new revolution
Wash the world away of all persecution
And so the price is just a simple solution
Though it could be nothing but a mass illusion
The beginning of a crazy deception
Your thoughts to only be a private possession
Curtail and censor is the new self expression
All of the time, it's the new obsession
Coz I'm going under
Save me, save me, I can't breathe
Yeah, I'm going under
Drowning in a silent sea
Why can't we talk about a new integration?
Not too late for rational reclamation
An antidote for oversimplification
A catalyst for potent socialisation
So instead we've got this so-called progression
Yet this movement doesn't answer the question
My God, now there's no place for oral aggression
Just stay hushed, it's the new oppression
Coz I'm going under
Save me, save me, I can't breathe
Yeah, I'm going under
Drowning in a silent sea
I embrace a change of times
Embrace a change of times
Coz I'm going under
Save me, save me, I can't breathe
Yeah, I'm going under
Drowning in a silent sea
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I like this. Powerful guitars from the off and some nice chord work, You can hit the high notes with your vocals that I no longer can (I'm not as young as I was!!) This would be a great live track methinks. Right up my street. I enjoyed this. :)
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The impact of this song is just immense. It hits you with such raw emotion and breathless excitement. It may have that fist-pumping, head-banging overdose of primal affirmation but the lyrics also contain a potent and galvanising message that gives the song real depth. So many disaffected people will find their voice through this song. I'm so glad to have started my morning with this. Rock 'n' roll just as it should be. Blown away.
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Hola @Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332)
Very good melodic hard rock, everything sounds in its place, the atmosphere and mix have this pure style, I really like the lyrics.
Stay well
Mora
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Thanks all for the comments.
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) The vocals was the one part I didn't do (other than the backing) - I definitely can't hit those notes myself.
@bigFishAndTheSmallPondets (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20529) Those are very kind words, and so eloquent. You should be writing for a music mag/site :)
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I thought this was great @Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332) Gee, those vocals sure hit the high notes.I loved the guitar sounds and the attitude. Nice tight performance but retained that looseness as well which all added to the great feel of the track. Excellent :)
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Thanks all for the comments.
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) The vocals was the one part I didn't do (other than the backing) - I definitely can't hit those notes myself.
@bigFishAndTheSmallPondets (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20529) Those are very kind words, and so eloquent. You should be writing for a music mag/site :)
And you, sir, should be on a stadium tour. :)
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Hi, great no nonsense powerful intro. Some nice dynamics - I particularly liked the break down around the 2:45 mark, before you rebuild for the outro. And I love the sudden ending too. Vocals - I liked them in the deeper chorus part and outro (a lot), to me the verses felt a bit like the vocalist was struggling to get all the words in though, and maybe the vox is EQd a bit ‘thin’ in the verses? Tonnes of energy to this track - definitely one for the mosh pit.
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and maybe the vox is EQd a bit ‘thin’ in the verses?
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) Thanks - do you mean it needs a little more lower end, or do you really mean it could have been thickened by (for example) double-tracking? The reason the choruses won't show any of that is that there is quite a bit of my backing singing at those points.
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Hi Bankie, well I guess it could be either really - just that the verse vocals to me sound slightly 'reedy' as the singer is reaching up towards the top of their range - in contrast to the choruses, I didn't feel the verses had as much welly. So more lower end in the EQ would probably help, but so would BVs or double tracking probably. I'm certainly no genius at mixing though! So just a minor observation, it didn't detract from my enjoyment of the track much though. It's a winner.
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@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) Thanks - I especially value feedback like this; things to consider in future. I'm a bit weak on the mixing/mastering side of things and spend way too much time on it, so any pointers like this are worth a lot.
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Hi Bankie Devil….see what I did there 🙃😆
This is a speaker rumbler….in a good way. Aggressive guitars and beat give way to an equally polished vocal performance.
It’s ace 🫵🏻🥰
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@Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332)
Hi, love the guitars, they sound great. Brilliant riffing and the vocals and melody suit the genre. Excellent!
Very nice work!
8)
Cheers
Jamie
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Sounds great on my speakers.
A great,tight,punchy track. It appears you are enjoying the new guitar,sometimes fresh gear brings inspiration. Deffo deserves a repost.
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Great rocking number!
That vocalist can really dish it out...although I sort of felt that he was much stronger singing a little lower down his (enviable) range. Is Eric a native English-speaker? I just wondered...
Great guitars...maybe a little tighter and more metal-sounding than I normally like...and the drums were very modern-sounding too...really brilliant though! I should move with the times...I'm just a bit of a dinosaur, I think!
I really like the sentiment behind the lyrics too...no dissent will be tolerated...
Cracking stuff!
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Really appreciate the comments everyone. @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253), Eric is Italian, so not a native English speaker. His pronunciations do come through but I think his voice is really well-suited to the track. He's amazingly versatile, and can also do metal growling REALLY well (something often done badly), but unlikely that I'll be writing anything along those lines, though I do love metal.
I feel the shackles are off a bit on my songwriting after doing this track. I'm just going to write what I like then find a singer to do it rather than try to keep everything in my own vocal range and ability.
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Man! This was fun to listen to! Very well executed all around really. Mix sounded great coming out of my phone speaker.
I loved the chorus especially! Catchy and similar vibe/ chord choices as a Muse track!
Nothing but love here mate! Well done indeed.🔥🤟🏻🔥🎶👊🏻🎶🤩🍻
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Wow that was a blast! Very rocking and took me back about 45 years when I used to listen to music like this. The verses are solid and well sung, but to me the choruses, and the latter half of the song are stronger and more interesting. I felt like the singer was straining a little, but that's not the issue, I just think the melody and lyrics were a little more musical outside the verse. Lyrically there's a fair bit that I don't understand, although I suspect I'm not meant to understand, I get the feeling that it's so more about a cumulative message than trying to understand specifics. I always try and "hear" these songs without the arrangement, as sometimes I think the big production hides the song, but hear it comes across loud and clear and strong. Off for another listen now!
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This is a fab song @Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332) . Great energy - love those guitars throughout- especially that repeated riff. Great vocal performance but I do agree with @paulyx that the verses sound a little thin as does the m8 (embrace a change of times) - his vox sound much stronger in the chorus but that could be because it’s lower. Those verses are high and he does a great job hitting those notes.
Having said that it’s a fantastic song and performance all round.
Actually I have it on a loop and just before it repeats the gap sounds fab - on my first listen I though you had a short stop there and thought ‘ooh cool stop’. Just a thought.
K
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Lyrically there's a fair bit that I don't understand, although I suspect I'm not meant to understand, I get the feeling that it's so more about a cumulative message than trying to understand specifics.
@delb0y (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20401) The song is a volley against the current movement against free speech, but the song can be read in different ways, and that's fine.
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) You've no idea how many run-throughs I went through to get it sounding ok on various speakers!
Thanks again everyone for the comments.
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Hi Bankie,
This is right in my ballpark; cracking dose of hard rock.
Love the ascending riffs.
The bass drives hard.
Really liked the vocal performance.
Awesome.
Digger
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Great guitars and energy from the drums. Nice idea to get a guest vocalist and yes the verses might sound a touch "telephoney" but I think that's a legit effect and helps with the contrast from verse to chorus.
Really great listen - sounds like you were really enjoying the new guitar (though if I had an ESP I would sound just like you of course (lol)).
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A bangin rock song, like where the voice is in the mix, the low guitar riff really hits you in the lugg holes, great stuff.
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@Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332)
Loads to like - a proper modern rock song, heavy, energetic and melodic too.
Good work, shared with my 29 year old son, just up his street, before he goes to Download, which I know as Monsters of Rock!
:-)
neil
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@Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332) - superb bangin’ vibe, did I fall Asleep in a taxi in Frankfurt in 1986?
Nice ideas. Dig the tight end. On a phone the LVox could come a db or 2
Must get my mullet cut.
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I'm not the biggest hard rock fan in the world, but I can tell this a fabulously produced and performed track. The vocal is very powerful, and they needed to be due to the heaviness of the track. As others have said this would be great live.