The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on April 22, 2024, 09:45:10 AM
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I put this together about 3 years ago
On the tail end of a very productive phase. I was exhausted.
I wanted to return to it and give it more,
but I had health issues and other aspects of life became more urgent.
So, I fell off the horse with it, but for me, it kept its charm.
I thought it one of my rare uplifting songs.
Because of new software n hardware, it'd take a lot of figuring out,
I'd have liked to have taken it further.
These days I've plenty new material to focus on. So...
I thought It's best just to let it go.
Link:
Listen to Day & Night by 2 Rightly on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/naFGb
Lyrics:
Night and Day
the face you make, night and day
rise and shine, come what may
is this all you would ask of me,
the low hanging fruit from the nearest tree?
I have my pride
tell me, what's your need
the stars align, bold and bright
sirens wail, my body aches I
cannot fail or hesitate
this, my dove, my olive branch I
take my lead from given circumstance
wind in my sails
as I take your hand
I cannot fail, you understand
jumping fences, the open field
no loose change to conceal
useful friend, my tiny empire
to defend, to move and inspire
me at your side
we'll survive if not thrive
taking chances, do or die
_____
Rightly
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I hope you are now recovered from your health and life problems.
It's the first song I heard today on my sunny and fresh morning and it has been a great complement to my general state.
I like the tempo, it already has the dance or cadence that accompanies this story.
Good lyrics, special and personal.
I can't criticize anything here, I think everything is in its place. The voice... It's one of your best performances, for sure.
Well, I already opened the comments so...the rest will come later hahaha
Good morning and good week @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
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I hope you are now recovered from your health and life problems.
It's the first song I heard today on my sunny and fresh morning and it has been a great complement to my general state.
I like the tempo, it already has the dance or cadence that accompanies this story.
Good lyrics, special and personal.
I can't criticize anything here, I think everything is in its place. The voice... It's one of your best performances, for sure.
Well, I already opened the comments so...the rest will come later hahaha
Good morning and good week @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Thanks mora
I'm glad you like the song!
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Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
This is a curious number and has a 60's vibe to it. I'd love to hear some sitar in the mix just to give it a real retro feel.
Like so many songs posted on this forum, I think it would benefit from a strong chorus because whilst the verses are fairly strong, as are the bridges, without a chorus hook I'm not sure the song is strong enough for this listener to want to come back to it and ultimately, I assume that is what we all want - repeat listens?
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Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
This is a curious number and has a 60's vibe to it. I'd love to hear some sitar in the mix just to give it a real retro feel.
Like so many songs posted on this forum, I think it would benefit from a strong chorus because whilst the verses are fairly strong, as are the bridges, without a chorus hook I'm not sure the song is strong enough for this listener to want to come back to it and ultimately, I assume that is what we all want - repeat listens?
@Nick Ryder (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23004)
Yes, it could more 60s. I've never used sitar. 😆 it's very powerful.
I'll get around to it eventually.
It's been said I dress 70s
Repeat listens is nice yes.
I sometimes write choruses,and sometimes find them tedious.
I know it's an element that's often expected
If i was trying to write a mega hit hot popsong I'd be more inclined to put one in there.
But I'm not, so I'm free to discover other guidelines and have other restrictions.
Thank for taking the time to share your thoughts.
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@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) – as always, an intriguing production and as you say and uplifting positive song, a declaration of love no less, still with the characteristic lyrical twists and turns. I really enjoyed this – no surprise there. I really like the jaunty motif (not sure what instrument).. Nice one, sir!
K
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Catchy melody Rightly . I guess a sitar would work man . Looks like you put a lot of work in on this
Nice job man !!!
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This is a fabulous journey back to the summer of love @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) I love your choice of instruments and your vocal delivery. What I love about your music is that you just do your own thing and often choose the unconventional route which is the sign of a writer just doing what they want to do and why the hell not. Top stuff man 😀
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Hi
great retro feel & a pleasant song
subvibe
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@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) – as always, an intriguing production and as you say and uplifting positive song, a declaration of love no less, still with the characteristic lyrical twists and turns. I really enjoyed this – no surprise there. I really like the jaunty motif (not sure what instrument).. Nice one, sir!
K
A declaration, maybe, not the whining kind though.
The jaunty must be horns n piano. Thanks Karen.
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Catchy melody Rightly . I guess a sitar would work man . Looks like you put a lot of work in on this
Nice job man !!!
Thanks elvis
Wasn't a lot of work
After D Am C6 G I shuffled my way through the rest.
The sentiment was unusual for me.
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This is a fabulous journey back to the summer of love @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) I love your choice of instruments and your vocal delivery. What I love about your music is that you just do your own thing and often choose the unconventional route which is the sign of a writer just doing what they want to do and why the hell not. Top stuff man 😀
Hi. I was conceived in that summer!
Yes, doing my own thing,
What a drag it must be to follow.
Thanks John.
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I love this! The melody of the verses is really strong. The lyrics brought up some interesting thoughts, even if I wasn't able to fully make sense of them as a whole
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I love this! The melody of the verses is really strong. The lyrics brought up some interesting thoughts, even if I wasn't able to fully make sense of them as a whole
Haha
Thanks man
I could have done more with it
Too much time had passed and other projects became more urgent.
Err the lyrics
No they don't belong in an instruction manual.
They made sense at the time.
Thanks for the positive feedback
Made my day ❤️
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This is a great track. I may have said this before, but I hear a similarity to Syd Barrett. This is more disciplined than his stuff back way, but it has that same kinda quality. I love it. :)
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This is a great track. I may have said this before, but I hear a similarity to Syd Barrett. This is more disciplined than his stuff back way, but it has that same kinda quality. I love it. :)
lol
yes you've made reference to him before
I looked him up back then
I had to look him up again
Said to be "the soul" of pink floyd
He's certainly trippy, I like his playfulness, we often lose that as we age, it gets "serious"
the very few times I've taken psychedelics I put lots of thought into preparations
I don't take things so lightly but seem give off the opposite impression.
glad you like the song Chris!!