[Jamie]

Hi all,
        A new song, which I've recorded on some new kit I've just recently bought. Much to learn yet, but just to 'get back on the horse' here's a new song I've written. It's a big step up in technology and learning for me so be gentle with me all you techy guys 

Cheers

Jamie

PS it seems to be 5.52 long, and I don't know why it is that long on Soundcloud (can't work the kit yet obviously  , but it is 'only 4.11 

https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/angel

Angel

Verse

She lies in robes, white as snow
Pale skin glistens and she's breathing low
Life is cruel as love is blind
You cannot make the clock unwind

Pre chorus

We make our choices and no-one knows
The cards are dealt and we go with the flow
The seasons come and the seasons go
Sun still shines and the wind still blows

Chorus

Your angel comes in the night
Takes your love but it don't feel right
The dawn breaks and it's the morning sun
The clock keeps ticking let us be a s one

Verse

Candle light no mercy shows
Souls in peril and the cold wind blows
Turn your back and let her free
It is what it is and what will be will be

Pre chorus

Chorus

Instrumental

Verse

End

[crystalsuzy]

This is lovely Jamie Your signature sound is all over it, which is a very good thing 

Beautiful piano and vocals, although I thought the vocals could come up in the mix a bit

Are you playing the kit? It sounds pretty good to me 

Very sweet lyrics as well and I think you sing them with just the right amount of emotion

If you go to the end of your song @ 5:52 mins...there should be a curser that you can bring forward to the real end of your song at 4:11...if that makes any sense 

I'm no techy, so you're safe with me with this song Kudos

[Skub]

It has a relaxed dreamy quality that reminds me of Tears for Fears during their 'Woman in Chains' period.

A tasteful and charming original.

[montydog]

Hi Jamie,

This is a lovely song as crystalsuzy says. It has a great, warm and friendly feel. The vocal needs to come up in the mix IMHO. This is melodically very strong - one of the strongest I've heard on here for a while. Some of the lyrics are a little predictable as if you're putting them in because they rhyme rather than painting a picture or driving the song forward.

It has your characteristic chord changes - I'd know one of your songs a mile off even without the vocal.

Lovely song - just those 2 niggles.

M

[Wicked Deeds]

Hi Jamie,

Beautiful intro, interesting chords and vocal melody for the first verse. The  second verse needs greater vocal melody variation - a nice lift should comes here but instead it does so in the next section which is quite lovely. Nice return to the next verse to match your original starting point. The same applies to the second half of this structure as mentioned previously. Very enjoyable though. It's crying out for a second vocalist.  The instrumental is beautiful but I'd also lift it by adding more instruments. Your final verse needs to stamp it's authority - create a bigger soundscape and go out with a bigger impacting section.

just my observations but hey, I really enjoyed listening

Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

Loved this from the lead-in.  The instrumental isn't loud, but it literally pulsates with power.  I have no idea how that can be done, but I loved it.  It's "magic," to my ears. 

Then the vocal begins.  I won't say it's "magic" but it's very good.  It would be nice if the vocal could be soft and powerful at the same time as the music is.... but I have no idea how that would be done either. 

The vocal is excellent, but the music "raised the bar so high" that I just would have liked more. 

I fell in love with the lyric at "can't make the clock unwind." 

This is just an amateur's opinion, but I thought this was top notch. 

[Neil C]

Jamie, great to have you back and a lovely peice. New gear - I'm guess the drums and something around mic vocal strip?
Anyway back to the tune itself. Lots to like. It sounds so much more professional and indeed AOR smooth.
Nice intro.Good melody, nicely underplayed with the piano. And the pulsating bass just gives it the power with the bubbling drums.
And I agree the vocals could be aittle higher in the mix, especially the lower parts and as Wicked says a second vocal on the chorus would just raise it to another level.
Gonna have my third listen hold on...
Cleaver pre chorus, sets thing up nicely. I think on this chorus/2nd vocal just should repeat the first pair of lines like a long delay, slightly softer and with some reverb would be good.

I'd suggest a couple of things. Structurally I'd consider repeating the chorus towards the end.

And developing the backing track so it builds throughout the track. For example i'd start by leaving the synths out after the intro until start of verse 2. And maybe have some high strings on the later chorus. And then on the outro strip it back down yo say verse and piano. Just some ideas to get some more dynamics into it.
Anyway please feel free to ignore the wayward thoughts of a man stuck in s hotel overnight on business trying to listen and review on his iPhone.
Classy.
:-) :-)
Nei
Ps if you like AOR I'd strongly recommend Toto's latest XIV. It's  a fine return to melodic rock form like it means a lot and Steve L playing is just stunning yet supporting the tunes.

[Wicked Deeds]

I'd suggest a couple of things. Structurally I'd consider repeating the chorus towards the end.

Right on the money!

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Welcome back Jamie

First noticeable difference is the vocal....much fuller sound0.

The song has a lot of your trademarks...nice piano parts...those interesting chords...and melodic ideas...... But as Neil says, more general appeal. Strong melody this time.

Nice sound and, for me, a more accessible song. Good instrumentation. I won't mention the lyrics...oh, too late!

Good to have you back!

[Jamie]

Hi All, thanks for the feedback, it's always appreciated! It's nice to see there are still many good people giving thoughtful and supportive feedback on the site!

Cheers Suze, thanks for the kind words, you never forget your signature, right! Yeah, I originally had the vocal more prominent, but I thought it was a bit too loud, maybe I need to think again! I do drum a little but not to that standard so I can't claim the credit . The drums are real drums looped so I think it sounds much more authentic than my previous efforts with my old studio .

Hi Skub, yes, get the Tears for Fears comment, I love the song Woman in chains! Thanks for your supportive comments!

Hi Allan, Thanks for your kind comments, see my comment above ref the vocals, I guess I need to go back to it! Lyrics are always an issue for me....... This was written after seeing a drama where the visual references and the emotion struck me and whilst there was a complete narrative to the story, my style is to try to capture the emotion and feel of the moment, rather than try to tell the story literally. Don't know if this makes sense! Glad you recognised it as one of mine!

Hi WD, thanks for the kind words. This is my first proper recording (two other rough demos of other songs preceded this one) with some new kit I got a few weeks ago, so really just 'feeling' my way with it. I hear your comments!

Hi Neil, I can empathise with the business travel story, been there, done that! Yeah I get the arrangement comments (see above). Since I recorded it I also thought of some high strings over the chorus as part of the development. Good to hear from you Neil! Yeah I'm old enough to remember Toto from fisrt time around, Steve Lukather is a great guitarist. Will try to get a listen!

Hi Cramer, thank you it's great to be back! Thanks for the comments on the vocal, I took more time over that element than I used to (that was feedback I had received quite a few times before it sunk in, but eventually it did! ). Don't mention the lyrics . See my comments above to Monty, it makes sense to me .

Cheers all, and thanks again!

Jamie

[Jamie]

Hi Verlon, Sorry I overlooked your comments on my previous post, apologies! Thanks for you comments on the arrangement and playing . I'll try to raise my vocal standards in future . 'Magic' and 'Top notch', that'll do for me!
Cheers Verlon

[digger72]

Hi Jamie,

I agree with the comments regarding the vocal; it has a strong melody and could do with being that little bit further forward in the mix - it deserves it. I actually prefer the pre-chorus to the chorus.
It still has your sound, but is a bit different. Good to hear that familiarity yet development. For me it shows a songwriter on top of their game.

Cheers,
Digger

[Neil C]

Jamie, great to have you back posting and really enjoyed this one a lot.
Good opening, liked the verse melody underpinned by the piano. Then the pre-chous with the nice guitars set things up for the chorus.
Arrangement and playing all top notch.
Thoughts: I agree the vocals could be a bot higher in the mix especially in your lower register. I agree with digger with regard to the chorus and a second vocal. I suggest you could repeat the initial lines like a delay.
For me you have an opportunity to take it to the next level as they say in TV land in a couple of areas.
Dynamics 0 I would strip out the synths after the intro and then bring them back for the second verse onwards. You might have sidestick for verse 1. And then add so strings to the later choruses, and towards the end maybe end on vocals and pianos.
The other point would be toy have at least two choruses repeating towards the end.
Anyway really liked it and please feel free to ignore these thoughts.
 
Neil 

PS Re new gear my guess is that includes somethings around your vocals ( mic, pre-amp and vocal FX perhaps ) and the drums??

PPS - you might like the new Toto LP XiV its a classic return to melodic AOR form - any cred has gone with that

[shadowfax]

Hi, A good song with a dreamy feel, there are some timing issues with the piano which is also  a little ''blurred'' for want of a better word, your vocal is to low in the mix,
someone mentioned moving the instruments around in the backing track, this is good advice, the piano could maybe be taken out during the chorus and another instrument take it's place, this would add interest to the song.
I agree with the reply suggesting it should end at 4.11

good song though..it's a steep learning curve acquiring the skills to ''window dress'' a song,

best, Kevin

[TheButcher]

Loved the drums in the intro; the bongo style; gets a little weaker after that (the drums) still; they re done better than most other home recording drums; they need some more lows (maybe) too much high hi hat stuff going on. But maybe that s just personal taste; i think the whole track lacks some low end frequencies...that s on the mix.

Your compositions are always SO YOU - but never boring or repeating; it s really beautiful. great lift to the pre chorus and another lift into the chorus - love that. Great. Maybe one of my fav. of yours.

cheers

B