Whato - First of all a huge warm welcome ....Where to start, I like the production and your ideas, it sounds pretty free form, like the others said, I'm picking up Pink Floyd, sounds OK to me. (The floyd was never my bag)
You ask us how to improve, well on a song like this,it's difficult to advise, as you have put a lot of time into and you sure knew what you wanted from it, sounds a great album track, or you could use parts of it as a bridging section for another song.
I like the song very much, and beautifully delivered.
Hope this helps
Rich