The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: S.T.C on April 30, 2013, 04:30:26 PM
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Ok.so here we have something else..not to be taken to seriously..but it`s listenable ..
https://soundcloud.com/songsthatcry/these-days
Hmm ..sort of about the vibe..Nivarnaish ....
Wrote today,recorded today...i`m supposed to be getting on with something for Flossie..which i will . ;)
Lyrics..bit cliche i admit...but theres only so many words in the universe.
i have no .........doubt ...................these days
theres a lot of it...... ,about............ these days
easy plays........ and ........................them lazy ways
a gold cup........ on a....................... silver tray.
i have no......... doubt...................... these days
there`s a lot of it...,about ...............these days
a copper sun...... melting ................in the haze
black diamond shades ......................blocking out the rays
Try as i might
i can`t see to the light
try as i must
i can`t see through the dust
these days
C-A-R-O-L-I-N-A (TRYING OUT THE FALSETTO} :D
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I love the live recording - guitar / vocal is perfect !
Mind you, I'd probably swap the phrase "no..........doubt" for "herpes" and you'll probably have a hit !!
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Hi I can hear the Nivarna thing, words kind of suit it.
I think I'd be a bit clearer about the structure and variation of the chords/melody, which you do later on, to stop it meandering regardless as to whether it going to be pumped up rock or laid back.
Wasn't expecting that end part though as I was on Soundlcoud ;D ;D
Neil
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I started off wrong and just kept it going...i`m off today ,so will try and do a better copy..and omit the ending. ;)
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Some tuning issues on the vocal but otherwise this is rather lovely, particularly the guitar playing which is gorgeous. I like the format and the laid back approach. The melody could just do with clarifying a little. I think I can tell that you're not comfortable singing yet. I think the lyrics are great - simple, direct and effective.
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Some tuning issues on the vocal but otherwise this is rather lovely, particularly the guitar playing which is gorgeous. I like the format and the laid back approach. The melody could just do with clarifying a little. I think I can tell that you're not comfortable singing yet. I think the lyrics are great - simple, direct and effective.
Cheers for the guitar comments..when i press record i tend to freeze up and started the guitar all wrong...the first 2 lines i sung, i think sound good,if i could only have kept that up.
Did try a bit today but gave up..i have Friday free ,so might have another go...
I wanted it to be a stripped down, minimalist sound with a trace of menace..
The melody does need clarifying i agree, again i started playing chords i didn`t intend too.....
The lyrics..well , i didn`t impress myself that much...but maybe there about right.
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Hey STC, the guitar sounds really nice, lovely and warm. Your vocal is getting better as well, it's like you're getting more confident.
I reckon just familiarise yourself with it more, then re-record.
hab..
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very, very ok
reminds me of the Doors,
adding a few long organ notes would work, i think
but cool, yes
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I agree with Dutchbeat, some doorsy organ sounds and maybe further along a brush kit playing with lots of reverb and this would add a drug induced mellowness to this piece. :o ;D
I think this is definitely worth developing I'm looking forward to hearing the next version!
x
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Hey STC
You are definitely improving - the guitar is as well played as I have heard from you and the vocal is more prominent and confident
Signs that you are making huge strides ;D