The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on April 25, 2018, 11:30:57 AM
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I wrote this on guitar a few months ago.
Then I put it through cubase.
I'm pleased with the result. Strangely I found it difficult to sing.
Feedback welcome :)
I hope you like it.
https://soundcloud.com/rightly/jezebel
JeZeBeL
if ever a devil was born
violent and rude, a star of the dawn
if ever an angel fell
it would be you, JeZeBeL
if ever there were two eyes
to take the blue from out of the sky
giving me heaven and hell
in that same tune, JeZeBeL
the one and the only
at times it gets lonely
soon she will know me. . . better
that's where it is, these are the parts
this is my kiss n‘ here is my heart
they say only time will tell
if it is true, JeZeBeL
I‘ll not be surprised
if she tells me a lie
I‘m just glad t'have met her
the one and the only
if she too gets lonely
now she will know me. . . better
if ever an angel fell
it would be you, JeZeBeL . . . JeZeBeL
____________________________________
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Yo Rightly.
Oh man,this flicks my switch big time.
The first listen and it was straight onto a playlist,I need many more listens.
Right from the off the emotion you invest in the song hits me like a tidal wave,there is no regaining composure.
Every time I read/listen to your lyrics I feel inadequate,like I just make up random phonetic noises to fit a choon,whereas you use them to paint as an artist,which you are.
I'm through typing the trite and banal,I need to listen more.
This is special Rightly,thank you for sharing. 8)
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I was drawn to this cause Jezebel is the title of an iron and wine song ;)
Of course this is quite different...
Love the left field arrangement on this, very inventive and the lyrics are cool.
I think the tune could be stronger to keep the listeners interest...at points its almost like there is no real planned tune, just half chatted (maybe that's the intention?) and some kind of break/chorus would be good as it tends to get a bit repetitive/fatiguing towards the end
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This suits your voice very well, kind of 'human' and a very human, believable take.
It's like a modern twist on an old minstrel's ballad, and the haunting instrumental elements add to the memorable melodic story. I do like the mood in this one, cool! Simple, but very effective.
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I was drawn to this cause Jezebel is the title of an iron and wine song ;)
Of course this is quite different...
Love the left field arrangement on this, very inventive and the lyrics are cool.
I think the tune could be stronger to keep the listeners interest...at points its almost like there is no real planned tune, just half chatted (maybe that's the intention?) and some kind of break/chorus would be good as it tends to get a bit repetitive/fatiguing towards the end
I do like this "half chatted" for me the voice is a musical instrument and more, a lead vocal should be able to abandon the fixed melody at any time, an attentive listener will join the dots.
I did consider adding something extra in the songs arrangement but then decided otherwise as another change could too easily distract from the intention of the song.
A less is more sort of attitude.
I think the song resonates with the many people who've been in the same or a similar situation.
I'm happy with keeping the song focussed in what it is, I don't think it needs a quantity of changes.
Thanks for your consideration and taking the time to comment.
I respect your opinion even if we don't agree completely.
:D
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Yo Rightly.
Oh man,this flicks my switch big time.
The first listen and it was straight onto a playlist,I need many more listens.
Right from the off the emotion you invest in the song hits me like a tidal wave,there is no regaining composure.
Every time I read/listen to your lyrics I feel inadequate,like I just make up random phonetic noises to fit a choon,whereas you use them to paint as an artist,which you are.
I'm through typing the trite and banal,I need to listen more.
This is special Rightly,thank you for sharing. 8)
Thank you Skub!
There's nothing wrong with random phonetics! lol.
Really, you're being far too hard on yourself.
Yes, I'm an artist, more defined by my limitations than by my strengths, but I'm far from losing interest and only happy when challenged.
The next (new) song will poppy-rocker. I think you'll like it.
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Whato Rightly
Nice song, you put it together well too. I can hear it was a lot of work...
Is the intro a bit long?
regards
cpm
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Whato Rightly
Nice song, you put it together well too. I can hear it was a lot of work...
Is the intro a bit long?
regards
cpm
Thanks CPM
I don't thing the intro is too long
Others may think so.
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That's Cool Rightly, have a great wochenende.
I want to say that I really reading your reviews.
cpm
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That's Cool Rightly, have a great wochenende.
I want to say that I really reading your reviews.
cpm
I'm terrible at reviewing other songs. Lol.
N just for the record,
I'm an englisch Einwanderer.
Viel Spass über die Wochenende wunsche ich dir auch.
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Vocally this reminded me a bit of early Tom Waits. The composition of it is very unique, and the closest I can think of as a comparison is Paul Simon's Insomniac Lullaby from his newest album (Stranger to Stranger).
Really loved it, it's a very understated piece. No need or pull to be overblown or huge sounding, just expertly crafted into a very pretty and multi-layered piece. Great work! :D
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Hi Rightly. Must confess I struggled with this on the first listen. But David's review below prompted me to listen again and I'm glad I did. It's a wonderfully crafted delicate song. Deserves repeated listens. Great work. I think your Cubase songs are really blossoming.
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That's Cool Rightly, have a great wochenende.
I want to say that I really reading your reviews.
cpm
I'm terrible at reviewing other songs. Lol.
N just for the record,
I'm an englisch Einwanderer.
Viel Spass über die Wochenende wunsche ich dir auch.
No you're no terrible at reviews Rightly, Dann ich muss ein Deutcsche Immigrant sein.
now there's an Idee, ein Teil von ein Sprach and another bit from the other, all the way through, das wird nicht auf dem Boden hoch geht....
ho ha.
KuhPertersillieMan
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Vocally this reminded me a bit of early Tom Waits. The composition of it is very unique, and the closest I can think of as a comparison is Paul Simon's Insomniac Lullaby from his newest album (Stranger to Stranger).
Really loved it, it's a very understated piece. No need or pull to be overblown or huge sounding, just expertly crafted into a very pretty and multi-layered piece. Great work! :D
I haven't heard the latest from Paul Simon.
He does have high Expectations to live up to.
My voice has never been compared to toms before.
For some reason it was difficult to sing, not so on the guitar.
Every time I get going with a daw production I'm breaking new ground.
I'm glad you liked the song.
Thanks for the encouragement.
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Hi Rightly. Must confess I struggled with this on the first listen. But David's review below prompted me to listen again and I'm glad I did. It's a wonderfully crafted delicate song. Deserves repeated listens. Great work. I think your Cubase songs are really blossoming.
Thanks for commenting Mickyplankton.
Daw productions offer so many possibilities, it can be confusing.
I sometimes look back and wonder how I did that.
Yes, I think I'm getting better with the daw, creatively the future looks promising.
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The effects and soundscape kinda put me in mind of this (Best listened to on good headphones or speakers!)
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Thanks for posting!
Yes, I notice the similarities in atmosphere there.
Kind of intimate.
I was forgetting how good he is.
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Hey Rightly
I liked the swooping strings on this a lot. And the line "soon she will know me... better", that's a bit sinister and lends the lyrics an edge.
For your stuff this one felt slightly more conventional to me. I think I'm in the "could do with more variation in the second half" camp but I can see from your comments you've already decided that's not what you want to do with this one, so respect for that.
Your voice sounds close to John Martyn on this to me. (I expect you've had that one before?)
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Hey Rightly
I liked the swooping strings on this a lot. And the line "soon she will know me... better", that's a bit sinister and lends the lyrics an edge.
For your stuff this one felt slightly more conventional to me. I think I'm in the "could do with more variation in the second half" camp but I can see from your comments you've already decided that's not what you want to do with this one, so respect for that.
Your voice sounds close to John Martyn on this to me. (I expect you've had that one before?)
Well maybe you're right, I could made some change in the second or third third, but there's no way I wanted a structural changes. Decoration, if anything.
John martyr, eh?
Yes I've had it before, checked him out n forgot him.
I hope he's good.
There's a place where my voice falls apart and indisputably fails, but don't tell anyone. . .
"they say only time.'
I ran out of steam.
I don't know exactly why it was so difficult to sing.
And it vexes me, no end.
I can do it better now. . . And worse. . .
Hmm. Next time.
Oh, it's certainly not my intention to be unconventional.
I do like this chord progression.
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I didn't notice your voice falling apart. At all.
John Martyn - yes, he's good. I'm sure you've heard "Solid Air" but if you haven't, for sure check that out.
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I didn't notice your voice falling apart. At all.
John Martyn - yes, he's good. I'm sure you've heard "Solid Air" but if you haven't, for sure check that out.
Checked him out.
He's really interesting. A Titan from the golden age.
Nobody talks about him around here.
He reminds me of Nick drake but I think he's somehow better.
Hugely industrious.
His voice has a wide range and is soulful, lyrics are poetic and sophisticated.
Excellent guitar. Guitar and singer seem inseparable.
So much quality, I'll have to listen to more of him.
Thanks for the tip.
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Hi, nice to hear some stuff from you.
Liking the backing interesting chord and piano and viola work together. Liked the ending.
Perhaps the vocal could be slightly higher in the mix.
:)
neil