The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: domstone86 on August 16, 2012, 02:39:16 AM
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I know it's been a while since I last posted, but I'm pretty sure my last post got deleted and it kinda put me off... Never mind, if so I know why!
Anyhow, this song has taken a long time to get to where it is now, but I feel it's almost finished. This is also the first time I have used real guitars in my tracks for years, and I now have an SE2200A for lyrics which handles the job fine, though recording the acoustic guitar was horrible lol.
www.soundcloud.com/domstone86/dreams
Hold your dreams, like a child who's not lost heart,
Walk on sea, water will not break apart,
You can breathe even if you're under.
I've a dream, that can safely be shared,
It's ok, I won't steal or get you scared,
And we'll avoid the ships that plunder.
Don't be afraid, (I won't push for devotion)
I will stay true, (Cheating or lying won't do)
Hold my hand, if you feel that you can trust,
Walk on clouds, we have lots of faerie dust,
Faerie sat on your side protecting.
We'll have fun, you won't even be burdened,
I don't care, if we just act like good friends, just
Never say never to everything.
I'd be dismayed, (If I betrayed emotion)
If I lost you...
If we just sat, and talked all day long,
Would we be close enough, to prevent wrong.
I'll dry your eyes, if you need me to,
I'll show you how maybe, to trust anew.
Don't be afraid, (I won't push for devotion)
I will stay true, (Cheating or lying won't do)
I'd be dismayed, (If I betrayed emotion)
If I lost you, (I could only blame me not you)
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this is amazing. love the vocals- tremendous range with unique timbre. reminds me of Sunny Day Real Estate and Muse a tad. the break at 3:00 is superlative!
very impressed. quite a gem.
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Thank you :) I never really liked my timbre, so made up for it by trying to work a large range. I did have a high Gb in there but it was quite obnoxious so I took it out haha.
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I have said it lots Dom - you are mega talented
I never realised you could sing either , guitar sounds ace
Another song, arrangement with hit potential ;D
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That`s a yes from me..
Some really good stuff being posted lately..
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Really enjoyed this. You have a great voice. Nice range. Like the grit of your voice when you hit some of those notes. I dig the arrangement all the instruments sound great.
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Hi Dom,
I thought that this was excellent the first time that I listened. It's probably the most commercial song that I have heard posted on this forum. I reckon you only need to be in the right place and you may well be signed and set for greater things if that is your wish. I can clearly hea rthe influence of Will Young in your vocal. This song soars and is in my opinion first class. The best song that I have heard from you to date.
Paul
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Kafla: Thank you :) I thought you knew I could song! With my old headphone miced songs haha. I recon it'll be years till I actually make a 'hit'. :(
Songsthatcry: Thank you :)
Apophenia: Yea the grit isn't natural for me so I have to force it, but I'm glad I got something right :)
Paul: Thank you very much :) Most commercial song? If so, crazy! Lol. I never seem to be in the right place unfortunately, so I'm gonna keep staying in my bedroom making commercial songs lol. But yea, I am aiming to get signed as I'm not particularly good at much else! Funnily enough, I can't remember even what Will Young sounds like, so it's certainly not copied, but glad it's mainstream enough ;)
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Very nice Dom , strong vocals. I like the string/cello vibe at the 3:00 mark a LOT. I would love to hear with real drums and a bit less of the processed vocal effects, you have a terrific voice and is likely even better heard more Au natural so to speak...sometimes I get almost that dreaded "Pitch correction" process which I am sure you are not using. I would put your voice real warm and natural out there and I am 100% certain everyone will love it even more, good performance, nice range!
Lyrics - Like em too, and my favorite is the first verse which is always a best foot forward!
Cheers, and thanks for posting very much, enjoyed it a lot!
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This is ticking all the boxes for me! ;D
I agree 100% with MIKE about a more natural, warm, intimate vocal - there is nothing you need to hide from in that vocal
Even if you need to record it 100 times or comp a killer take from a 1,000 takes over 3 weeks it will be worth it as the song is so strong, contemporary and commercial sounding
The production and arrangement is also top notch
Definitely one on my favourites from the forum
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Amazing.....a real pleasure to listen to. Got everything going for it... A great piece of songwriting. Awesome talent ;D. I would agree that the vocal effects are a bit 'overcooked' at times....but I'm not complaining, Loved it...thanks
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It's all been said already - first class piece of modern pop music. God knows how you hit the note at 2:27!
The vocal does sound a little over-processed at times and would benefit from sounding more intimate but otherwise it's top drawer stuff.
Nice one...
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I knew i was going to enjoy this beforehand.....glad you are back Domstone
and again it is even better than i could imagine
and man, you can sing, Very creative variations in the vocal delivery (with nice effects!!!)
great arrangment
hope you keep the music coming to this forum (and never forget, this is thé best songwritingforum ;D)
wow!!!!! 8)
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Thanks for the lovely words guys :) I'll try and work on the points suggested!
With regards to the vocals, I'll admit to hiding behind effects, I can make this one a bit dryer with no problems, though want to still have the bit at 2:37 more wet, just because I can hide it behind the mix a bit and let the instrumental take a bit more control.
Florida Mike: I will admit to using pitch correction, :/ but not on the entire song. Sure, the take was listenable without correction, but unfortunately, it just made the track sound more messy, I'll see if I can get some natural takes done that are naturally clean.
Quick question, how would I make the vocals sound more intimate?
And missed you too Dutchbeat, I'm trying to be more sociable online as I've been a bit of a loner of late :(
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IMHO the key to intimacy on vocals is recording nice and close to the mic ( to capture the breathiness, lip smacking etc.). Be sure to have a pop shield handy to control the plosives - although may be worth trying without to get nice and cosy
The use of automation when mixing is really useful to control the level and emphasis of key words and phases - as well as balancing the track out
The other thing is to get the vocal up front in the mix with a very subtle reverb, touch of compression if needed and EQing to suit
But the most important aspect is getting "emotion" in to the vocals to really connect the lyrics with the listener
I am sure there are other tricks but this is where I would start
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Ahh ok Boyde. Thanks, I'll try and incorporate that in, can't guarantee I'll make it all like that though!
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you must be staggeringly ugly or afflicted with terrible halitosis dom , there must be some reason you havent got a deal...
great song and really good vocal, imaginative and you turn up the gas so well..
lots of tricks in the mix, maybe too many but very impressive.
think the drums could be tidied up
well done
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Haha I'll choose the first one! Tbh I think it's because my networking skills are TERRIBLE! I mean I can socialise etc, but I'm pretty lazy and nobody I talk to really is that helpful on a professional level except for advice and stuff. Yea I was thinking about improving the drums actually.
And thanks :)
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Wow this is really properly good :)
The songwriting is excellent, the singing - wow - blew me away.
I'm going to make some comments on the production if you don't mind.
Your vocals are outstanding and need to "stand out" - this is not an effects issue as most of it works perfectly as it is - it creates ambiance and sinks the vocal into the rest of the track - good stuff but you need to bring out the main frequencies to stop them being washed out by the rest of the track. Switch on a high frequency EQ, turn up the gain, make a tight Q peak. Then sweep the frequency until it brings the vocal out from the rest of the instruments. Find the frequency that makes it come right forward. Then flatten the Q a bit and turn down the gain until the vocal sits nicely.
You need to beef up the bass. It needs a good bass amp or something - its a bit flacid. Is this programmed? Give it to Boydie, he'll sort you out ;)
The drums get a bit mentalist at times - the kick drum needs to pick up the bass guitar to make the song groove and frankly they need to be chilled out a bit in some sections IMHO if only to stop overwhelming the rest of the track.
I'm properly impressed with this though - don't take my comments to heart - you don't have to listen to the ramblings of a wanna be producer if you don't want to :) At the end of the day this is really good work. Thanks for posting.
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Didn't take it to heart at all :)
I'm glad I have something here to work on and improve the track!
The bass is programmed, but I have a choice of different sounds and I recon I could quite easily get it in the mix better with a few effects. Would normally always give somebody the opportunity to improve my mix, but I think that the issues here are either a lack of focus or just different mix preference (That I've not quite refined yet but nobody ever does imo ;) )
I take your comment as compliment all the way :)
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I thought it was. The Bass is the hardest to programme out of all of them. Sure you can get away with programming a string quartet, a piano, or even a clav part, but bass - it just does not cut it - despite the effects. Its such in integral part of the song. I have tried for years to programme bass and unless you want a programmed bass sound, you need a real bass.
I'm sure if you spoke nicely to Boydie or myself we would be happy to record a bass for you on this one - it deserves it. All we need is a MP3 without the bass and we'll send you a stem.
(I would go to Boydie first though as he has much better fingers than me)
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Dude I'd love that :) Gimme half a day to work the mix a bit and I'll post it up =]
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Send me a PM mate and we'll talk more :)
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"How would I make the vocals sound more intimate"? -----
Are you using a POP filter/screen / ? if you can get a better signal up close with a screen and less after effect it will sound more natural...are you using Large Diaprahm (pardon spelling) mics?....
The point is you want just hear the sound right around the mic, controlled, intimate...
Are you recording with the effects on or adding later?
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I would be absolutely honoured to help out on this track!!
(I would also love to give my brand new Ampeg SVT plugin a proper run - I have only tried it out quickly on another track and it absolutely blew me away!!!!! :o ;D )
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not sure if i'm diggin this as much as the rest of you guys, just sumit about the vocals for me, decent enough song which would probably do well commercially as its got that sound of nowadays like!
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Not sure if that's because I've updated it to something worse (Made the vocals more prominent). I'm going to think about redoing the vocals when I'm feeling up for it as I know there's room for improvement, especially when trying to stretch myself lol. Going to work on production a little I think.
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I'm too old to say "sick"
too young to say "groovy"
too southern to say "mint"
all thats left is "fantasticall !! " ;D ;D
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Great song Dom. You've got everything going for you musically.
Your vocals are really great although I would liked to hear the sounding more intimate too.
Looking forward to hearing it with the real bass.
Great work Dom, Fantastic. :)
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I feel a bit guilty bumping up my tracks after a certain point, so I am sorry.
I tried to take the intimate comments on board, but obviously applying that into sound was a bit confusing. I did end up however raising the EQ response of a number of instruments. It's a bit daring for me, but the 'perfect sound' is never perfect! I brought the vocals out a lot more thanks to the change in the instrumental. My friend though said he could hear new instruments, which is good because there weren't any new instruments :P
Thanks Andy :)
Schavuitje, if I typed that right! Working on the bass over the next week. (Y)
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when hear the first intro...
(feels like summer's coming, the picture on the song icon resembles it though)
the rest makes me feel in awe..
(like a free soul who spoken their stories, drawn into it.. i'm a good listener, lol ;D
nice range for the vocals, great singing because it complements the song very well..
"If we just sat, and talked all day long,
Would we be close enough, to prevent wrong.
I'll dry your eyes, if you need me to,
I'll show you how maybe, to trust anew."
i love the lyric.. it's kind of lyric which makes ourselves look in the mirror.. and think what if i'm in this situation.. how the feeling goes emotionally.. it resembles much in the song itself..
anyway, overall this is a good material, an emotional song with a deep feeling for me, maybe someday it'll be featured in a soundtrack of a movie or maybe a music clip (really looking forward for this one, u should consider this! haha)
this is my first review on the forum, and i'm so proud to hear and post a review of your track!
great job, bro! pardon my language, i only got B for my writing skills on english course in my country :p
Greetings from Indonesia
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I took some time out to listen to this a few times again on the big stereo in the house with some volume and what a great song - the recording quality is top notch.
I like the fact it's a touch quirky with the slightly more grungey guitars and slighly more manic drums than you'd expect from the initial style. I had a horrible moment of a slovakian Eurovision entry styleee at one point but it lifted itself above that ....( I assume that's not the style goal :-\
Vocal melody is really intrguiging and a bit different all the way - excellent. I really cannot think of anything to improve those vocals to my ears. Top notch.
Track has lots of space/time - especially with the cello break out (which sounds great)
Thoughts to lift it further:
Main quirk is that I couldn't sing back the melody / hook afterwards - in fact the verse is more catchy than the chorus but I'll be damned if I can tell you what the song is once it's finished (after 3 listens).
Bass is very shy and electronic sounding (mentioned before)
Some slightly more natural drums would be great
A touch too compressed overall? Hard to tell.
Overall superb and made me think a lot about how I might do my next effort...
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Hi all
Quick update...
Another forum collaboration ;D
I recorded a new bassline with a real bass and the wonderful AMPEG SVX plugin I have recently got
I think it gives the track a "smoover" feel with real bass
www.soundcloud.com/domstone86/dreams
I also noticed DOM has made numerous other tweaks to the mix - it certainly feels more "dynamic" now
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Much improved with the shiny new bass - brilliant work :)
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Thanks guys! I've been a bit absent due to partying and epic adventuring the last couple weeks, I guess I never had the chance before :P
mariopradiptacana: Your English is certainly good enough! Thank you, lyrics aren't my strong point so I'm glad if something works! We'll see where it goes :P
Faero: Thank you :) I tried singing this at a small light hearted talent contest the other day in London, but I didn't quite get it right haha, wish I was consistent! I did get rid of some electronically programmed guitar as it cluttered the mix despite giving it a texture, hopefully it's alright without it.
No Eurovision!!! :P
Not sure why the second verse is more catchy haha, I guess consistency isn't my strong point either!
Thanks Boydie for the bass stem of course, it fitted in very easily! :)
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Lovely job now! excellent. The new bass is smooth and fills out the sound, the much improved guitars mean that the Eurovision sound is banished (now that they are sorted, they were the culrpit!)
Keep up the challenging melodies / interesting vocals - in the end that's what gives this song it's edge.