The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Neil C on November 07, 2019, 08:37:54 AM
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Hi,
Here's a collaboration with Leo aka @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) that was a lot of fun.
I came up with a 80's pop rock with a synth tune on my mobile using garageband and sent it over to Leo. He liked and and started to work on the melody and then the words. We used to share idea on dropbox and talked on WhatsApp, which was good and slightly strange actually talking in real time to a forum member!
We spent a fair bit of time refining elements and then getting the mix right. Anyway we like what we've produced but would really like your feedback and suggestions.
:)
Nel
https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/eye-of-the-storm-final-master (https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/eye-of-the-storm-final-master)
I was warned I should get back home
Board up the glass and hope she moves on
This woman leaves a trail of broken hearts
But sheʼs beautiful
I see no big bad wolf...only her
Ivy come find me
Iʼm flirting with disaster this I know
But something inside me
Cannot resist the eye of a storm
The eye of a storm
We made love underneath the stars
She was my queen of hearts for a while
But when I looked into her hazel eyes in the morning
I knew right then that sheʼd already gone
She was long gone
Ivy come find me
Iʼm flirting with disaster this I know
But something inside me
Cannot resist the eye of a storm
The eye of a storm
She tore right through my heart
I didnʼt stand a chance
So beware, sheʼs a force of nature
Whoʼs only gonna leave ya sooner or later
Ivy come find me
Iʼm flirting with disaster this I know
But something inside me
Cannot resist the eye of a storm
The eye of a storm
Bull/Connor c 2019
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A song worthy of the group Journey!, great singing and instrumentation, the drop to the lead guitar break, (in my humble opinion) lets the song down, it just doesn't sound like the same level of professionalism as the rest of the song and doesn't fit the song either...just my take on it guys.. :) the fact that it's a very cool song remains...
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Great collab @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) and @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) superb vocals and instumentation as we would expect. I loved the way the 80s synth pads underlayered the whole sound. The guitar solo was fab but maybe that section was a bit sparse. Nothing wrong with that but maybe a subtle synth in the background just to maintain the flow. Fabulous work both of you :)
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Well this was bound to be good, when one of the best vocalists on the forum teams up with one of the most interesting guitarists.
Lovely chorus in this.
Only nit - Up to the instrumental break you have got many atmospheric layers going on, so I thought you took a bit too much away at that point. Mind, it does make it all very strong again when everything is back in.
Very enjoyable collaboration all the same!
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Yeah what A team these two make....Im a big fan of Neil's guitar work and he is
excellent here as well. I LOVE the vocals on this track!! just nailed it.
The Delivery, Pitch and emotion are all there. REALLY great job on this tune its awesome!!
Ray
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Two very talented guys joining together to produce a great track. Neil, your production skills are really shining here. This is a track with real impact and the vocals as ever are wonderful. This is my second listen and I must say, I’m very impressed with the writing and production. So very well done chaps!
Paul
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Hi guys, great collaboration . A fab piece of polished professional AOR! I also think the guitar solo break needs something else, maybe a pad with chords to give the guitar something to hang onto harmonically. Still a great song, and production.
Nice one guys!
Cheers
Jamie
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@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) @Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448) @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Thanks very much for taking a listen guys. Your feedback is always useful and I agree with the solo needing something else aswell. 😁👍🏻
A HUGE thanks to Neil @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) for a really inspiring track to write with and for being so cool to work with.🎶👊🏻🎶😁🍻
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Hey guys - lovely song and a great collab.. Great chorus, melody is gorgeous, very catchy.. Of course it's beautifully sung and played :) and I do agree with the consensus on the solo section - it feels a little empty / stripped back in contrast with the rest...
Quality stuff!
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Thanks very much Karen. 😄🎶👊🏻🎶🙏🏻
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@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) & @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481)
knock out song and performance you chaps
real muscle in the sound
intros dripping with anticipation.. lovely stuff
and the lift on the chorus is jumbo shaped and flys .. superb vocals ..
you know its good when you cant wait for the chorus to come rund again
i kind of heard the mid section as the eye of the storm..?
whatever..
really powerful track
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The lyrics are amazing, especially the chorus, so well written! The production is great of course, I feel like something could go a littler softer during the verses just so that when the chorus comes in it could hit that much harder.
I love the melody of the chorus by the way, with that synth...oh man it's all just great. I feel like something like that synth could be added to the guitar solo though? Or anything to kind of fill the sound up a bit.
Anyway this is an awesome song
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Reminded me of Simple Minds for some reason.
Great track!
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Yo @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481)
A mega catchy chorus with this one,great singing from Leo and a fine production overall.
I'm in the camp with those saying the arse falls out on the instrumentation behind the guitar solo,the song loses dynamics big time for me.
That aside,this is a quality offering from you two. 8)
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Have been listening to this on my playlist and it gets my vote for song of the year.
Are you guys considering any tweaking to the guitar break? the outro from it is
brilliant, and the playing is wonderful but I wonder if there maybe something better
matching the great vibe of this tune. Awesome track! :)
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"Flirting with disaster" - what a great line. Enjoyed it immensely. I do like a good breakdown but possibly synth rather than bass would be better here.
My one nit was the word "beautiful" - it just seemed to stretch a bit too long a so sounded a bit forced. I wouldn't change the word, perhaps just sing in a bit more natural rhythm.
A top quality song, top quality sounds.