The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: LostBoy on April 08, 2018, 06:34:29 PM
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Hi everyone,
I’m very excited about this one. ;D A few weeks ago I emailed Jambrains asking him if he fancied collabing with me. He was up for it, but all I had was this chorus idea and I knew I wanted it to be guitary. (technical term ;D)
Anyway, the rest came together pretty quick and Jambrains has been AMAZING to work with.
All of the music/Mix you hear is Jam. I was in charge of the top line/ lyrics.
We hope you like it! All thoughts are very welcome. Thanks for your time. :D
https://soundcloud.com/leo-b-5/avalanche
Lyrics
In the dark
Her words cut through the jungle to the heart
Where a weary soul is blinded by the spark
I was lost
A ghost stuck in the ruins of the past
Couldn’t seem to find a way out of my head
But slowly I, come back to life, when she says...
Chorus.
Climb the mountain with me
It’s gonna be alright
Through the darkness I will not leave you behind
Let the wolves surround us and try to take a bite
We’ll reach the top in time...
And start an avalanche
Say goodbye to the life you know
Let’s start an avalanche
So we climb
I daren’t look down, just one step at a time.
Yeah the air gets thin, but I feel more alive.
The world I’ve known, so far below, where she said...
Bridge.
Suddenly I find, the clouds have disappeared
And I can see for miles. A brand new horizon
Where everything will be alright.
Thanks for listening ;D
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;D
Great stuff. I've not actually heard too many songs from this site as yet but this is probably my favourite so far. Absolutely love it!
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Good collaboration guys.
Great vocals and lyrics ......and guitars too, especially the solo....definitely guitary
Has a real 80s Rock feel about it.
Well done
Sandeep
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@Sterix (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22024) thx buddy. I appreciate your time. Il have to check out your stuff. :D
@Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528) thanks as always man! 8)
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Whoo Hoo. That's a treat indeed guys. Leo's vocals and the Jambrains guitar and vocals treatment. Top quality work both of you. Guitar solo is excellent. Leo's vocals top drawer. Nuff said :)
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Powerful, your voice sounds fabulous and production on it really works well.
Couple of production points. I think the synth/piano is a little loud at times, especially in the main instrumental theme. I would have liked the bass to be doing a little more work, it's just plugging away at the bass note of the chord every time. Think some variation in that at places would give it more interested.
The guitar work is super, especially the solo. Full of wild energy.
Really like the extra chorus effect where it stops and comes in with the hook. Works great.
Classy bit of rock!
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It all sounds really good and well done. I think you'll find a huge fan base with this sound.
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Guys, looking forward to this. Got AOR written all over it :-)
All the ingredients present and correct
Chugging guitars and neat space on the verse, catchy pre chorus and then it hits you with those big chords and melody, all radio friendly. All topped by Leo's fab voice.
REO Journey thingamajig :-)
Then that climaxing solo..
My only thought is word Avalanche isn't easiest to hear.
Great work.
:)
Neil
Ps will forgive you for nicking the title which I used a few years ago. Can't copywriter that!!
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Hi, guitary indeed! Excellent collaboration great playing and great vocals. What's not to like?
Good work
Jamie
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Excellent stuff!
Sounds fantastic and is a great tune. Vocals and guitar are both superb.
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Very 80's, you've done a cracking job lads.
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I'm with Neil C on this - he has summed it up perfectly. All I can do is echo what he says. First class piece of work produced and performed to the highest standard. What a voice!
M
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I still like this song. 8)
Just listening to it again and... just a couple of times the vocals are threatened to get overwhelmed by the music and could do with a little more... oomph. Not a criticism as much as a personal observation. Still a cracking tune. Better than 99% of the **** in the charts the last time I even listened to them.
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Class, really enjoyable!
Recognisably lost boy with the strong melody and vocals, yet with a harder Jambrains edge.
Definitely hearing both influences and it's a great collab, powerful rock ballad.
One tiny criticism and that's that to my ears, the e piano/bell like sound feels like it is just dragging ever so slightly behind the beat at times.
Apart from that though, it's really welll done guys.
You can go away, and come back any time, and this fotum never disappoints.
Yodasdad
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Thought maybe I'd gotten lost and was listening to the radio....you won't get no nits from me!
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Yo Leo and Johan.
'Tis a thing of wonder you have made here.
1. Leo's fine vocals.
2. Johan's great,punchy guitar work.
3. Mix until ready.
Job done.
It was never,ever gonna be sh1t,was it? :D
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) @tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223) @redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) @RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) @Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208) @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Thanks so much everyone for listening and commenting. We are so happy that you like it! :D
I agree @Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208) that there’s a couple of places where the keys need tightening up a little, so thanks for bringing that to our attention mate. ;)
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Of course the expectations are going to be high from the get-go with you two pro's at the helm and this doesn't disappoint one iota :D
Perfectly pitched and emoted vocals and stellar guitar solo among a thousand other things make this one shine.
Great job peeps!
Paul
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Good stuff boys!
Really good images in there... And melody.
It's got everything
I wished I could play a solo like that. I don't think I'll get around to it.
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Just thought I'd add
Bruce Springsteen would have been fling with this had he written it. :D
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Whato chaps
Great '80's vibe, reminds me of Bryan Adams. Superb Rock Vox, both (Lead and Backing) some of the best I've heard on here.
You might want to consider alternate line takes on the LVox, this will overcome the 'squeezing in of some of the phrase endings.
Jambrains really knows how to piece together a rock song.
Lovely on the lugoles, would be a great one to gig with.
cpm
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Such a music is a heaven for my ears. Very nice made. I like it. The only thing is starts from 40s seconds them bells / harps or what is it, is too loud and too dry I believe , comes too much in front of a track, but this is only my opinion. Overall nice project.
Thank you.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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Superb 80s power balladry. I hope you were wearing leather trousers when you sung it, and the video will feature motorbikes and windswept Bon Jovi style haircuts. Seriously though, its an absolute corker both of you... a super combination of the vocal and the guitars. Absolutely nail the genre without slipping into pastiche. Thought avalanche made a fine metaphor too and I'm not aware of it having been done before (although most natural disasters have... earthquakes, hurricanes, heatwaves, tsunamis...). I hope you two will collab again?
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Hi Guys,
Great collab.
Production is really good.
Late 80s feel for me - which was a great time. (Though the keys give a more modern edge to it.)
Vocals are really strong.
Quality listen.
Digger