[EpiphoneEpiphany]

hi all

planning to record this soon, feedback very welcome

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Myths and Tales

(verse)
thinking of a moment where the past and present meet
gazing out onto the ocean, it seems infinite
it washes away all of our pains and our remorse
as each of all those surging waves start crashing onto the shore

(chorus)
it's where those myths and tales live on
and those timeless songs are sung
we won't know where the time has gone
just moments later

oh but for now we're in a daze
so raise your glass to the good old days
and this place that never sleeps
those hazy memories

(verse)
drifting along with the music, drifting away into the past
when we were drinking on the rooftops with our heads up in the stars
and I know that the magic and my memories will stay
and we'll be strolling down those paths we know so well once again

(chorus)
'cause here those myths and tales live on
and those timeless songs are sung
but every summer night will be gone
when we wake up

oh but for now we're in a daze
so raise a glass to the good old daze
and this place that never sleeps
in those hazy memories

[Vintage54]

    Hi There!
       Been keeping my eye on this for a few days now, seeing how people would respond. Why? because i wasn't sure how to respond to it myself, was hoping to feed off other peoples comments. But not a single response, and that's a shame, because i like this my friend, without really knowing why. The chorus is good, and though i'm not one one for non rhymes, i like the verse that does just that. I know this a clumsy, and lacks constructive commentary. But i thought it deserved at least a mention.

                                   Vintage54

[diademgrove]

Hi,

difficult to review just the words as I know you are going to record it soon and may have a melody which works. For me the grammar doesn't scan properly. I find myself crossing out words and reverting to simple straightforward English. For example I'd have written "thinking of the moment..." and in the second line of the first chorus "where the timeless songs are sung".

I recognise you may have specific reasons for the way the words are written and feel uncomfortable correcting grammar and simplifying your words. So rather than continue I'll leave it. If you would like me to continue using my blue pen let me know.

I'm really looking forward to hearing the song to see how you fit the words and music together.

Keith

[EpiphoneEpiphany]

thanks vintage and keith for the feedback

yeah I'm bilingual and just haven't quite got the feel for the language as I have for my german, which shows I guess trying to describe this place in crete in the song, so I'd be really happy and grateful if you continued correcting it

[diademgrove]

I'm at work today and off to watch the mighty Hull City tonight. I'll have a look when I can at your lyrics but its likely to be tomorrow.

Hope that's ok. I didn't realise you are bilingual, you're more talented than I am.

Keith

[hardtwistmusic]

I was hosting the song of the month and lyric of the month and now that it has ended, I'm starting to catch up on my reads and listens. 

You have some extremely strong lines here, and they all seem to further the general theme/story. 

I'd say your command of English is pretty good.  I didn't read carefully enough to catch the simplifications that Diadem mentioned.  I'll look again tomorrow. 

But, I think that this will make a great song if it's combined with the right music. 

[igg]

Hi,

I'm looking forward to hearing the music for this one....and how the atmospheric approach of the lyrics is embodied in the music..

igg

[hardtwistmusic]

I took a harder look today.  I simply couldn't find any awkward places in the lyrics OR in terms of the flow and cadence. 

The few lines that did feel awkward seemed totally explainable by a melody that I'm not privy to. 

I'm not saying that you shouldn't listen to the others.  I'm just saying that I can see little that I would change. 

[Paulski]

Really liked this one EE.
As igg says - very atmospheric - I think it's your avoidance of hard consonants that gives it that smooth texture. My only bump was at "infinite" - was it supposed to rhyme with "meet"? If so, maybe "infinity" could be used. Otherwise ignore me..

Nice work - looking 4ward to hearing it!
Paul

[johnlondon]

Hello EE

Sometimes I read lyrics on here and I don`t always understand what`s being said exactly, that's the case with these lyrics. One thing I do know, is that they will work well with the right music. Look forward to hearing the recorded version.

[adamfarr]

There's something quite interesting about these for sure. The first verse seems the strongest and got my interest - after that I didn't think it had quite the same resonance (more general less personal perhaps?).

For sure I would try to avoid rhyming daze with days, and I also noticed the meet-infinite thing, but no problems here for me. Look forward to hearing it.

[diademgrove]

Apologies that its taken longer than I expected but here are my revised lyrics. I have tried to keep the original sentiments and made a number of small alterations. The alterations are mainly to do with the use of tense or use of "plain English".

The song is sung in the present but looking back at the past. This means the listener is in the present with you and will experience what you are singing at the time you sing it. This is why the words "just moments later" are in brackets. If you were sat with someone you would tell them it was just moments later. I see that in the second chorus you have a different set of words for this line which do work. I would remove them and have a flute/piano/trumpet/etc play the melody unaccompanied.

Apart from this one thing all the other changes are fairly minor and reflect my approach to the English language. If you want to know why I've made a particular change or even all of them just ask. Either on here on by pm.

A brilliant set of lyrics either way.

Keith


(verse)
thinking of the moment where the past and present meet
gazing onto the ocean, it seems infinite
washing away (all) our pain and remorse
as the surging waves start crashing onto the shore

(chorus)
it's where the myths and tales live on
and the timeless songs are sung
we won't know where the time has gone

(just moments later)

oh but for now we're in a daze
so raise your glass to the good old days
in this place that never sleeps
in those hazy memories

(verse)
drifting along with the music, drifting away into the past
when we were drinking on the rooftops with our heads up in the stars
and I know the magic and my memories will stay
and we'll be strolling down those paths we know so well once again

(chorus)
its where those myths and tales live on
and the timeless songs are sung
but every summer night will be gone

when we wake up

oh but for now we're in a daze
so raise a glass to the good old daze
in this place that never sleeps
in those hazy memories

[EpiphoneEpiphany]

thanks for the feedback everyone

and thanks for the corrections keith
I esp. hadn't thought about the problem with the tense in the first chorus so thanks for taking the time
I'm glad I can finally consider the lyrics finished

thanks again

EE

[Peppermint]

Apologies that its taken longer than I expected but here are my revised lyrics. I have tried to keep the original sentiments and made a number of small alterations. The alterations are mainly to do with the use of tense or use of "plain English".

The song is sung in the present but looking back at the past. This means the listener is in the present with you and will experience what you are singing at the time you sing it. This is why the words "just moments later" are in brackets. If you were sat with someone you would tell them it was just moments later. I see that in the second chorus you have a different set of words for this line which do work. I would remove them and have a flute/piano/trumpet/etc play the melody unaccompanied.

Apart from this one thing all the other changes are fairly minor and reflect my approach to the English language. If you want to know why I've made a particular change or even all of them just ask. Either on here on by pm.

A brilliant set of lyrics either way.

Keith


(verse)
thinking of the moment where the past and present meet
gazing onto the ocean, it seems infinite
washing away (all) our pain and remorse
as the surging waves start crashing onto the shore

(chorus)
it's where the myths and tales live on
and the timeless songs are sung
we won't know where the time has gone

(just moments later)

oh but for now we're in a daze
so raise your glass to the good old days
in this place that never sleeps
in those hazy memories

(verse)
drifting along with the music, drifting away into the past
when we were drinking on the rooftops with our heads up in the stars
and I know the magic and my memories will stay
and we'll be strolling down those paths we know so well once again

(chorus)
its where those myths and tales live on
and the timeless songs are sung
but every summer night will be gone

when we wake up

oh but for now we're in a daze
so raise a glass to the good old daze
in this place that never sleeps
in those hazy memories

Hello EE,

I think Diademgrove's edits above really help the lyric.
Can't wait to hear this with music although it seems a little short maybe another verse after the first one but before the chorus could help?

Although Its hard to say until I've heard it.

Peppermint