[montydog]

Hi,

My second song on the forum and one I'm really not sure about. I think this is the third song I finished which was around a year ago and I've finally got round to recording it. The vocals and strummed acoustic are live and I've overdubbed the organ and dobro afterwards.

Any constructive comments would be really valuable to me.

Following some input from forum members, I've re-recorded it. New version here :

http://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/these-days-of-despair-version

Old version here : http://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/these-days-of-despair

It's basically about someone sliding into madness through drink, drugs or whatever. Such a cheery little number  


Dawn breaks and the screen door slams
Bourbon bottle on the floor
I can see where this ends
I can smell the sweet perfume

Unknown ghosts glide through my dreams
A stranger's scent is on my skin
Before I bet on what's to come
I need a coin that I can spin

I need someone to save me
The love that you gave me
When you were there
I need a lighthouse to guide me
A safe place to hide me
These days of despair

I never thought you'd run out on me
Didn't believe that things would end
Now I see what you've done to me
Bargains broken that I can't mend

Red rain falls from an empty sky
A full moon hangs by a hollow thread
Somewhere in another world
Someone speaks but nothing is said

Light is fading from the land
Black trees bend from an unseen hand
The world it slides away from me
It's slipped away from my command

I need someone to save me
The love that you gave me
When you were there
I need a lighthouse to guide me
A safe place to hide me
These days of despair

[S.T.C]

Quite enjoyed that..you`ve got a relaxing vocal sound.

[bewarethisboy]

Really enjoyed listening to this. Had a nice mid America country folk feel to it. Nice melody nice worked well. Like the bridge. If I were to nit-pick, then while I like the guitar fiddly bits - might just be a little too much for me. But it didn't spoil the song at all - good song. BTB

[man of simple pleasures]

some really good lyrics for this like, sounds very sixties to me which is great, got a bit a bit of a dark and moody feel yet uplifting, good stuff!

[nooms]

hi monty
i do like it and the dobro is a nice touch, quite evocative sound but the chorus worrys me...
the simple verse up/down melody with the little change at the end is lovely but the chorus loses it for me, tension goes slack, saying that, things like that can sometimes become the perfect change, all a matter of believing it for real and if thats the case you should underline that change and flaunt it a little more..
but good song, worth getting right, dont mean to be negative about it..

[montydog]

nooms,

Thanks for the feedback. I agree with you about the chorus but ironically enough, it's the bit that everyone I play the song to likes best! Do you think it needs speeding up or have a seperate instrumental accompanyment or........I'm open to suggestions

[James Nighthawk]

I really enjoyed this. Smooth vocal, nice lyircs and a good vibe. My only criticism is that the strummed part over the chorus feels a little jolty. Were this played smoother the section would flow much better, as it is a nice change in general.

Good stuff!

[nooms]

hi again monty
i personally would suggest single gentle strokes behind the chorus, cut the strum at that point.
i think you could afford to lose one of the verses ?
the 'run out on me..' verse is to me the weakest (could make it a dobro verse ?)
and close with single strokes again on last chorus building the vocals as you repeat to a close..
only my opinion of course so dont kick the cat..
all the best, nooms

[James Nighthawk]

...dont kick the cat...

Cats are bad people. They deserve a boot! 

[GuitarArt1980]

I like this. The dobro is the x-factor for me - it colors the song just right. I agree with what's been said about the chorus strums. I think the issue is there should be something keeping the rhythm going during the choruses (shaker? tamborine? steadier strumming?). Nice song!

[shucky2011]

Great lyrics, great guitar (i particularly like the guitar picking you can hear along with the strumming, this gives it a kind of american country feel).  You also have a great singing voice. 

Keep it up.

[montydog]

nooms, James, GuitarArt1980 -  thanks for your constructive criticism. I've re-recorded the song, broadly in line with your comments and posted the new version. I think it's an improvement - let me know if you agree.

Thanks to everyone who has given me what is generally pretty good "marks". I really appreciate it.

http://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/these-days-of-despair-version

[nooms]

you gonna curse me because i think the first version is better !
im used to it now..
think the single strokes work ok  and dobro part sounds prouder on the second, very nice and the short ending is better but this second take sounds a little hurried or something..forgive me dont mean to mess with your head..i cant help it i used to play drums and its affected my faculties !
down to you now....
still a good song

[Binladeda]

like this.....prefer the first version..The slide sounded a lot 'sweeter' and I thought you played with more sensitivity and feel. The rhythm guitar sounded better and seemed to flow easier.  I really like the chorus...think it works very well and is the hook for me. That sounded better in the first version too  .....In fact, the first version just sounds more relaxed and somehow easier to listen to. Just my thoughts ......Great song....looking forward to next update