[rickd1]

Hi All,

I am looking forward to hearing loads of new music on here.

It would be great to hear your feedback on this track

It is an edgy pop R&B song that was written to try and sound different to other commercial stuff and create a buzz

[dinnerwithgreedo]

My first impression was 'not another bloody song using that vocal effect'. Has there been no progression in 10 years?!

As for the song... it was alright. I liked the 'ooh ooh ooh ooooh ooh' bit. It just all sounds very 10 years ago and i don't think it will set the world alight.

[tina m]

this is not my sort of music at all but it is the music a awful lot of people seem to want to hear
so is it realy your sort of music or are you just doing it to hopefuly make money thru chart success?.....either way theres nothing wrong with that 
& this is a songwriter forum & we have songmaking in common even if we dont like the same music
it sounds very professionaly done obviously in  a studio & a lot of work gone into making it sound exactly like evry other record like this
so its super cliched in every way & thats a compliment..... if all kids want is something that goes straight in there heads & gets them moving & then pops out again this is it.....& we know they do

[Boydie]

I do actually quite like the track but I am confused by this sentence:

It is an edgy pop R&B song that was written to try and sound different to other commercial stuff and create a buzz

It really really isn't edgy and it is not different to other commercial stuff!?!?!

I am hearing lots of elements from other songs - specifically Madam Ga Ga

Now this is no bad thing at all but I think you are on dangerous ground if you are trying to circulate this as new and edgy

On to the song...

I like it a lot and it would fit in to a lot of current radio playlists perfectly

I would suggest a different video for the presentation - pop is not known for it's deep and meaningful lyrics and this track is no exception, which although I think is great for this type of track I think you would benefit from not featuring the lyrics as the main part of the video

I also found the track "dragged" in places so I would be tempted to up the BPM a bit - even if it is only in certain sections

The track was also lacking a proper bassline for me - I appreciate the phat kick is filling a lot of the low end and the synths are playing theor part but I think a bassline playing a bit of a counter rhythm to the other stuff could help add a bit of "drive"

I am loving the effects and I like the vocals

Overall I like the track but I do think there is a little more you could get out of it - although I would quite happily listen to this and will probably come back to it

Good luck with it

[James Nighthawk]

Britneys' producers circa "Womaniser" called.... they want their vocoder back!

(joking!.....mostly!...)

I am loving this! 

I disagree with Boydie on a couple of points here. The BPM is perfect for the song. I'd dance to it at a club.

Also there are plenty of these tracks, (again for better of for worse from about 5 years ago mostly), where the bass was taken up by a big bassdrum. Milkshake by Kelis. Hips Don't Lie by Shakira. It works in context.

HOWEVER. This is very 2008 in pop terms. This may be his point. American style slick R&B has moved on, to House territory it would seem, meaning a flat 4 to the floor at 130ish BPM is more du jour. As is obsessive autotuning, as opposed to vocoding which is at least somewhat creative.

I prefer this to the current Usher/Kate Perry/insert untalented-big-boobed-blinged-up-bitch here.

Boydie is right, it isn't edgy I am afraid. I very much enjoyed it though. If you aim it to sell to the Pop players, you may be a few years late with this track. But as a pop song I loved listening to it

J

[rickd1]

Thanks for all the feedback. It is amazing what other people spot that you can't hear in your own music! A lot for me to think about here. I suppose that in trying to make it sound different it just come off sounding dated! I was trying to get away from the housey influences that you currently hear in this type of music, but will have to find a different way. Funnily enough I have a lot of house influenced pop songs which I may post up for review at some point.

The fact that it doesn't come across as edgy, I get now. Maybe i was a bit wide of the mark on that one 

[Boydie]

Hey rik

It is still a great track

It sounds like you are trying to write with commercial aspirations, which I actually applaud and I think you are definitely on the right lines

If this is indeed the case I would not be too quick to dismiss the current "pop pap" in the charts - I would embrace it and see where you can move it on a bit - the industry likes different, but not too different!

If commercial success is your goal then I wouldn't get hung up on creating a "new sound" - perhaps pick a current artist / genre you would like to pitch to and then write & produce the songs from there - e.g. "you have had a call from xxxxxx and they need a track to complete their album". Have a look at the artist's biggest hits and "get inside" them - what makes them tick, why were they hits?

This may help you focus your efforts

Good luck and I would love to hear more of your stuff

[nochancemilly]

It's a decent example of songs of the genre.

Not really my cup of tea but as a dancefloor track it seems to tick the boxes!

Well done.

[rickd1]

If commercial success is your goal then I wouldn't get hung up on creating a "new sound" - perhaps pick a current artist / genre you would like to pitch to and then write & produce the songs from there - e.g. "you have had a call from xxxxxx and they need a track to complete their album". Have a look at the artist's biggest hits and "get inside" them - what makes them tick, why were they hits?

Yes, a commercial sound is what we are going for because that is what we love, and hopefully success will follow.  You are right when you say 'get inside' the hit songs and find out what makes them work.  That is what we have been doing for some time.  The downside of this is that our music can come off sounding similar to other pop that is out there, but I suppose that is the nature of learning - you copy.   I am glad that the music is being compared to other pop artists out there as it proves that we are in the right ballpark. 

The other thing is that our music is very production led, rather than writing led, so the lyric/concept is probably our weakest area, but that is why it has been so valuable to get everyone's feedback on this forum.

Thanks

Rick
http://soundcloud.com/red-planet

[S.T.C]

Yeah, it`s commercial..very much now!
Not my taste , but it`s what the masses like to listen too, can`t say it`s original.but as some nice touches..the lyrics are fine..work well with the song.

[man of simple pleasures]

hmm not my scene this one like but fair do's if ya in to that music, just sounds like what all the britney and the rest of them are doing! background club music!

[Pez]

i swear this is actually a song that is in the charts at the moment, cheryl cole is it? or one of them plastic dummys. This is the sort of stuff that you hear from these interchangable popstars. could be vic beckham, cheryl cole, brit spears, a backdrop to a nicki minaj track, something will i am was behind, cher lloyd, etc etc... etc... therefore, capable, with bbc backing and a known face/name vocalist or dj, to make a lot of money... getting said name/face to put their name/face to it is your biggest challenge. Music like this irritates me. i imagine it with a big shiny video full of bright lights, sunglasses and sparkly clothes with disco ball earrings. As you have probably guessed its not my bag but having said that, as an example of the genre it is spot on and well done.

[andy5544]

hi ,its not my sorta thing ,i hated it .... sorry 

but .... it sounded very good as far as recording quality etc goes 

[mihkay]

Well produced.

Can't really say any more. If I was critiquing this I wouldn't know where to start. I'm too old. 

It's everything I hate about today's commercial music. But that's what my mother said about Tubeway Army. 

SO I THINK YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT A HIT! 

[bewarethisboy]

This is not my usual listen. (More my problem than yours) I really enjoyed this. Motored along like the voice and melody - like the structure. Very professional sound (to my ears anyway. Thanks look forward to hearing more. BTB