[Arkwright]

Sound like it was written by a professional, very good stuff

I think that the chorus would benefit from some minor alterations so it would read:

Played every card
Tried every trick
Exposed my heart
But you're just too quick
Release your hold
And let me be
I hate to love you
But you love to hate me.

Just my opinion.

Other than that this is an incredibly strong song with great lyrics!

Thanks Demonslayer for taking the time to review.

In the main I like your suggested changes except for the change of slick to quick as expalined in my reply to rocking snowman.

[Dutchbeat]

lyrics got me excited, but my music was poor...

(as it was  , indeed)

[Arkwright]

lyrics got me excited, but my music was poor...

(as it was  , indeed)

I assumed you were still working on it Dutch?

[Dutchbeat]

no
but, i am willing to

i seem to have missed where you assumed that
or hinted on that, that it would be worthwhile to work on it


but, i assumed we were not working on it anymore, to be honest

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi A,
What an exquisite write! This is one of the best lyrics I've seen in ages, blew my
socks off hehehe. Was thinking for your chorus maybe....??


CHORUS

Poured out my Heart
Played every card
But you're just too slick
So cold... so hard
Remove your spell
And set me free
I hate to love you
You love to hate me

Cheers
Gwyneth

[Arkwright]

no
but, i am willing to

i seem to have missed where you assumed that
or hinted on that, that it would be worthwhile to work on it


but, i assumed we were not working on it anymore, to be honest

The last communication I recall was after you sent me an initial demo and I commented that I envisaged the song at a much slower tempo.

I thought you were going to have another go based on my vision.

I apologise if you felt I was no longer interested.

[Arkwright]

Hi A,
What an exquisite write! This is one of the best lyrics I've seen in ages, blew my
socks off hehehe. Was thinking for your chorus maybe....??


CHORUS

Poured out my Heart
Played every card
But you're just too slick
So cold... so hard
Remove your spell
And set me free
I hate to love you
You love to hate me

Cheers
Gwyneth

Hi Gwyneth thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

I actually quite like your reworked chorus as much as my original. There are certainly a couple of lines I'd like to incorporate into the original if that's ok?

[Dutchbeat]

Hi Arkwright,

yes, sorry but i thought the music was too far off from what you were looking for, and the demo was not really good, so i thought we canceled it, and that is no problem, i think it is good to be honest

but i did have a fit with the lyrics, and off course i can slow the tempo a bit but i was heading towards dance and electronica and i just thought this was not what you were looking for

i can have a further go at it, not sure whether it is going to be good.....but we can just try, the process of making and recording music is what i am in for, and sometimes the result is ok-ish and sometimes it is pretty bad 

but if we go on...what is the current version of the lyrics  , with all the input from Gwyneth and others?

oh, and @Gwyneth....i know i have trying music on your lyrics on my to do list, but my attempts so far were really bad...but i hope to get back at it...

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi A,
What an exquisite write! This is one of the best lyrics I've seen in ages, blew my
socks off hehehe. Was thinking for your chorus maybe....??


CHORUS

Poured out my Heart
Played every card
But you're just too slick
So cold... so hard
Remove your spell
And set me free
I hate to love you
You love to hate me

Cheers
Gwyneth

Hi Gwyneth thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

I actually quite like your reworked chorus as much as my original. There are certainly a couple of lines I'd like to incorporate into the original if that's ok?

Hi A,
I'd be honored if you'd use the reworked chorus  Go for it!!! My pleasure. That's what we are all here for isn't it? for a couple of good suggs to make one's lyric stronger 
and
DB
LOL - Thought you'd forgotten all about me. Hmmmm which one  of my lyrics were you keen on again? Was it "Dragonslayer"? I forget now hehehehe, but that's great news, 

[Dutchbeat]

@Gwyneth (sorry for getting off topic), but i tried to make some upbeat music for those lyrics about that stripper  ...but no success yet

back to Hate to love to hate from Arkwright....

[Hugozhor]

Arkwright,

this is really great lyric. Deep and full of emotion. Even rhymes structure is unusual but it's still singable.

Great one!

Hugo

[Arkwright]

back to Hate to love to hate from Arkwright....

Going to stick with the original verses Dutch, but try it using Gwyneth's chorus if that's OK.

[Arkwright]

Arkwright,

this is really great lyric. Deep and full of emotion. Even rhymes structure is unusual but it's still singable.

Great one!

Hugo

Thanks Hugo, appreciate your comments. As I don't have a clue what I'm doing, I didn't realise even ryhmes were unusual. Maybe I should have paid more attention to other people's lyrics.

[Gwyneth Rose]

back to Hate to love to hate from Arkwright....

Going to stick with the original verses Dutch, but try it using Gwyneth's chorus if that's OK.

Yaaaaaaaaay, that's so cool 
and Dutch
Ohhhh The sexy stripper one, I remember now. Let me know when you do, would love
to hear music to it 

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Sorrry to butt into the thread but I was keeping an eye on this one.
I instantly preferred Gwyneth's 'remove your spell' to the previous lyrics but suggest 'uncast' instead just because I think it will sound better sung.

I've got a couple of other thoughts too so here goes. It goes with the 'card ' theme which might seem crass if you hate that sort of thing. It's got a few more rhyming bits. I don't quite like 'slick' but can't think of anything else.

I played every card
You made every trick
I laid down my heart
You're way too slick
Uncast your spell
And set me free
I hate to love you
You love to hate me