[HeyYou]

Hey! I would love to hear your feedback/comment...

And which name do you think I should choose?

"I Can't Do This Anymore" Or "Even God Ingores Me"

---------

"I Can't Do This Anymore" / "Even God Ignores Me"


You don't even treat me
And if you do it's because you have to
You don't see me and you're not blind.. no...
Do you even care about me? Have you ever noticed me?

Am I so quite? Am I invisible?
Why does it have to be that way?
I'm praying for help and no one hears me
Even god ignores me

Chorus:

How can I keep live this life?
Was it meant to be this way?
I can't do this anymore
I'm already broken and bruised inside

The tears can't stop falling
And I'm starting drowning
I'm cutting again
It's the pain takes me away from here
But I know it won't be for along time

Chorus:

How can I keep live this life?
Was it meant to be this way?
I can't do this anymore
I'm already broken and bruised inside

I'm screaming for help.. No one hears me..
I'm trying to forget it
I'm trying to escape it
But it haunts me it doesn't leave me

Chorus:

How can I keep live this life?
Was it meant to be this way?
I can't do this anymore
I'm already broken and bruised inside

[Paulski]

Hey HeyYou

I think this one has potential, but it's much too focused on the singer at this point - it's got what my Dad used to say was "I" trouble. If you count the I's and Me's in this you'll know what I mean. It gives me the feeling that he's feeling sorry for himself and it's hard to relate/empathize - and it seems like his main complaint is that he's being ignored or not getting the attention he deserves.
Sorry to be so blunt - and maybe I'm wrong.
I hope I didn't offend you - like I said has potential!
Paul

[HeyYou]

Hey HeyYou

I think this one has potential, but it's much too focused on the singer at this point - it's got what my Dad used to say was "I" trouble. If you count the I's and Me's in this you'll know what I mean. It gives me the feeling that he's feeling sorry for himself and it's hard to relate/empathize - and it seems like his main complaint is that he's being ignored or not getting the attention he deserves.
Sorry to be so blunt - and maybe I'm wrong.
I hope I didn't offend you - like I said has potential!
Paul

Thanks for the feedback I'll think about what you said.

[HeyYou]

More comments please?

[benjo]

 yeah paulski hits the nail on the head here


 i can feel the passion and effort you've given to this lyric
 and i do like it a lot

 but like paul said i think there are to many I'S & ME'S in this
 also some of the phrasing threw me off the vision of it

 lines like   HOW CAN I LIVE KEEP LIVE THIS LIFE
                YOU DON'T EVEN TREAT ME
                THE TEARS CAN'T STOP FALLING
                I'M STARTING DROWNING

 these are simple things to deal with it could be that you're not english
 so have a different way of writing your words
 and your phrasing comes across differently,  IT'S NOT A PROBLEM

 but to me reading through the lyric
 these are the things that tripped it up for me
 but i do think this can be very good

      tony
               
 

 

[hardtwistmusic]

Hey! I would love to hear your feedback/comment...

And which name do you think I should choose?

"I Can't Do This Anymore" Or "Even God Ingores Me"

---------

"I Can't Do This Anymore" / "Even God Ignores Me"


You don't even treat me
And if you do it's because you have to
You don't see me and you're not blind.. no...
Do you even care about me? Have you ever noticed me?

Am I so quite? Am I invisible?
Why does it have to be that way?
I'm praying for help and no one hears me
Even god ignores me

Chorus:

How can I keep live this life?
Was it meant to be this way?
I can't do this anymore
I'm already torn and bruised inside

The tears can't stop falling
And I'm starting drowning
I'm cutting again
It's the pain takes me away from here
But I know it won't be for along time

Chorus:

How can I keep live this life?
Was it meant to be this way?
I can't do this anymore
I'm already broken and bruised inside

I'm screaming for help.. No one hears me..
I'm trying to forget it
I'm trying to escape it
But it haunts me it doesn't leave me

Chorus:

How can I keep live this life?
Was it meant to be this way?
I can't do this anymore
I'm already broken and bruised inside

If I were preparing to set this to music, this is what I would do with the lyric before I started.  Mild warning... there is some mild profanity in the chorus as I changed it.


"Even God Ignores Me"    

You won't even treat me
If you do it's cause you have to
You don't see me and you're not blind.. no...
Do you care about me?
Have you even noticed me?

I'm invisible.   Never seen.  
Is that the way it has to be?  
I Pray for help and no one hears
Even God ignores me
How can God ignore me?
Chorus:

How do I go on with life?
My only friend's a God Damned knife.  
I can't do this anymore
Bleeding and bruised from times before.

The tears keep falling.
And I am drowning
I'm cutting again
Only the pain takes me away
But not for very long.

Chorus:

How do I go on with life?
My only friend's a God Damned knife.  
I can't do this anymore
Bleeding and bruised from times before.

Silent screams that no one hears.
Try to forget.  Try to escape.  
But the emptiness haunts me.  
It never leaves me.  

Chorus:

How do I go on with life?
My only friend's a God Damned knife.  
I can't do this anymore
Bleeding and bruised from times before.


Use anything you want.  Discard the rest.  Hope it helps to see it from another perspective.