Hi Mikael,
Oh dear, now I need to remember what I was thinking when I wrote that. I've been under the influence of pain meds, but my brain is clear now. I'll just start from scratch and see what happens.
I haven't read through the rest of the comments, so if I repeat anything, bear with me.
Verse 1:
I know what honour is
I just don't seem to know how to use it
The truth give gives one true bliss
If only I had that kind of meritThe line "The truth gives one true bliss" feels awkward or forced to me. I wonder if there is a better way to get the point across? Or maybe it's just me. That's always a good possibility!
I don't know how it feels
To live with integrity and no doubts
I don't know if it's real
It's a conspiracy yet to be foundI like the first two lines of that quite a bit. It shows he thinks it might be possible to live with integrity but he never has and I even feel like he's saying he thinks the whole idea of integrity might just be a conspiracy.
That being said, I have trouble with the "conspiracy" line. I think it's a little awkward or abrupt after the preceding line. Maybe something like "Or if it's a conspiracy I've yet to find out" would work? That's too many syllables, but maybe it'll give you other ideas. Maybe a synonym for conspiracy, like plot, scheme, ploy, trick, ruse, racket....?
Chorus:
And I'm A Liar
Shoot straight lies like I'm a gun
I call out fire
Even if there isn't one
And I'm a liar
There's no sheep going stray astray
I'm like an actor
I can pose and be some fake
I'm a liar
There's no fireI'm looking at lines 7-8 of the chorus. The line, "I can pose and be some fake" sounds very awkward to me. Unfortunately, I'm having trouble thinking of
much for alternatives. One possibility comes to mind: " I just pretend; my life is fake."
Verse 2:
I've stolen jewelry
And exchanged it in a little pawn shop
Really needed money
So I hide the secret in my chest box
That's where I put my sins
Of all the skipping and ditching school time
I've drank bottles of gin
I drank them when I was skipping school timeTo avoid using the word "drank" twice so close together, you could try something like "I've quaffed bottles of gin", although that sounds a little pretentious.... Just an idea.
Bridge:
The truth will be out there
I'll grab and hold onto it 'til the end
The truth will be somewhere
If I just believe I can really truly mendI like how this verse reveals the singer's belief that it IS possible to have integrity and he can change if he just believes in himself. I would be interested in seeing this part make it sound like the truth is here right now rather than it "will be" out there sometime in the future. Maybe something like:
The truth is alive
And surely it's something I can attain
Yes, for me no more lies
If I just believe I truly can change.
Anyway, that's just some ideas I had when I read through the lyric. Do with them whatever you like. Or nothing. Whatever.
I like the idea of a song about a chronically dishonest person who decides he can change and trying to make a commitment to do that, so I am looking forward to the finished product.
Vicki