[weaver]

this song originated when my brother was suffering from a life threatening illness,now thankfully recovered,the sentiment is while we will all succumb to natures will one day,our thoughts and feelings transcend the physical aspect of life.I posted some early lyrics in the lyrics page,this is how they have developed now they are committed to music..

https://soundcloud.com/weaver-k/live4eva

Hold back and rest
On a note that’ll  hold
A millions attention

Pull it and bend it
Out of any ones recognition

Play it in the gaps
Only you can see
When the rains came

We’ll live forever
We’ll live forever

Hurry up them hills
Catch your breath
In the morning sun

Let the long notes
Beat a path for you
Emulate your heroes
You know they’re your own

We’ll live forever
We’ll live forever

Stand at the edge
Look out and see what you see
A long time story
To drown your own
Fill it up
And play it hard

We’ll live forever
We’ll live forever

Linger at the edge
Look out and see what you see
Stand back and watch your children grow
Until it’s time to say

We’ll live forever
We’ll live forever
We’ll live forever
We’ll live forever

[S.T.C]

Bravo..good melancholic piece of song writing..good use of melody amongst the sparse use of lyric .

Was getting early Pete Townsend and a splatter of Bob Dylan,

[Dutchbeat]

sounds very good to me

cool

[Alex Stevens]

The vocal performance and guitar is fine. The lyrics are way too deep for my simple brain. However in my opinion, I feel your song could be improved by addressing the following issues:

i) Melodically both the verse and chorus are too simple and repetitive.  The verse is essentially the same line repeated four times. The chorus also repeats.  Essentially the whole song has only two melodic elements.

ii) some lyrics don't scan too well, eg even in the opening verse, there are several syllables on the final notes of the opening two lines etc.

You'll also need a break somewhere in the song. I felt it was beginning to sound quite repetitive towards the end. 

The above comments also generally apply to your other song  No man's land.  By the way you may want to add the missing apostrophes to your lyrics.

Sorry if this seems over critical, but I think it's important to give constructive feedback. Best of luck,

Alex S

[weaver]

thanks for the comments,Alex,constructive is good,thanks

[Boydie]

I think the song as it stands is a great "intro" / first section of a song

For me it needs to "kick off" into a huge "Who" / Foo Fighters wall of sound with punding drums to make the most of the repeated chorus lines - ie to make them anthemic, which is difficult to achieve with just an acoustic guitar

I did like the feeling in the vocal - great job

[weaver]

agreed mate,it is that kind of song,anyone with a band want to do it? 

[Sevla]

I agree with another post that some of the lyrics don't scan too well and that maybe another section could be used to break the song up (a kind of bridge if you like).

However...the "You'll live Forever" is a great theme and works extremely well. Maybe Boydie has planted a seed in my head....but I too could hear Foo Fighters. Listen to "Wheels" and imagine your verse....laid back and brooding.....and it breaks out into "You'll live Forever"....and the crowd sways.....etc (sorry getting carried away).

Hmmm....wouldn't mind having a crack at interpreting that myself

And I'm glad to hear that your 'bro is fine.

[montydog]

I think others have mentioned it's bit repetitive and I think it needs a second section that makes for more interest. What you have is good lyrically and your playing is fine; it just needs to be "sold" to the listener more.

[digger72]

Hi Weaver,

I get what some of the others have posted, but I like the simplicity of the arrangement. Sometimes it's  good to just focus on the words with the music a mere back drop - a bit like Donovan's Ferris Wheel, or to a lesser degree Adele's "Someone Like You."

Wouldn't mind hearing a Foo's kick in though

Cheers,

Digger

[James Nighthawk]

Agreed with others on here: A big blown up band version is definitely lying beneath this ditty.

As stands the stripped back approach lacks kick as the lyrics aren't too clear (I don't like to read lyrics, I like em presented to me) and the melodies are quite repetitive. With a clear vocal, both in diction and recording, some of this would be lessened. A second type of recording that could work is a vocal harmony work. One guitar, layered harmonised vocals...could work a storm with an open slow melody set such as this.

Great foundations here

[vibesville]

Found this quite repetitive. It was a song wanting to find direction but not getting there. Very obscure lyrics which I could not relate to, even with your explanation of the meaning behind the song.
Sorry if this is a little negative, just couldn't get into it.

[weaver]

https://soundcloud.com/weaver-k/live4eva-demo

another version,simple and rough