konalavadome

First song for girl i like

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MbiezonN

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« on: May 28, 2016, 11:45:50 AM »
Hope Took Me For A Ride:

Every story has a start
Mine is easy and not bizaur
I could feel in the air
We were meeting every where
We were talking and joking
Constently smoking
Telling storys about our self
You just loving yourself

Because when i met you
The Times start changing
And it all felt so amazing
And i cant explain what happend to me
I just wished that you could see
The things i do all for you
cause i could feel somewhere inside
That hope took me for a ride

We were getting closer
Spending lots of time
At your place or at mine
It was driving me insane
not knowing if you felt the same
ANd then when i told you
You looked like you wanted it to

Because when i met you
The Times start changing
And it all felt so amazing
And i cant explain what happend to me
I just wished that you could see
The things i do all for you
cause i could feel somewhere inside
That hope took me for a ride

Then there was our kiss
An you took a step back
i asked what did i wrong
and you asked "leave me alone"
you pushed me away
and i wanted to stay
i asked for one last chanse
one chanse to make things right
and when you said yes everything was bright

Because when i met you
The Times start changing
And it all felt so amazing
And i cant explain what happend to me
I just wished that you could see
The things i do all for you
cause i could feel somewhere inside
hope is taking me for a ride

And my hope at the end
is whats taking me down
cause once again your leaving me now
when we are together
everything feels better
but every time you throw me away
and i keep begging you stay
i just want to hol you tight
Because hope is taking me for ride
and hope is taking me for a ride


Its my first song i ever wrote myself and i just want help to make it perfect because she is going to a place in one week and i am going to play this song there with my guitar. please help me make it perfect....


sparky

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« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2016, 04:20:58 PM »
alright you have a week lets do this!

its good but kind of scratching the surface of some good emotion that could be in the song.
try writing out the story all you remember and did. dont worry about tune or breaking the paragraphs apart. try and put as much detail and love in the story as you felt when you were with her and what she means to you.
then we can go from there!