[tomcrocus]

Hi all,
        i haven't been on the forum for a few weeks,my last two "things" were crap,admittedly so,
so i decided it was time to have a little break,anyway i wrote this today so i'm gonna stick it on
the forum and start giving feedback to other writers lyrics,i know the rules.
REPETITION!!!,yes i'm prepared for the knocks if i recieve any feedback,cheers,tom.

                          THE CUCKOO TREE

I've made my bed and now we'll see
if the cuckoo's still living in his cuckoo tree
now we'll see, now we'll see
if the cuckoo's still living in his cuckoo tree
kick down the walls if you wanna be free
the cuckoo's still living in his cuckoo tree
if you wanna be free,if you wanna be free
the cuckoo's still living in his cuckoo tree

the cuckoo he's eating with a plastic fork
he's living in his tree and talking the talk
walk like sugar avoid the floors
after all the walls kick down the doors

now we'll see,now we'll see
kick down the walls if you wanna be free
now we'll see,now we'll see
kick down the walls if you wanna be free

the cuckoo he's eating with a plastic fork
he's living in his tree and talking the talk
walk like sugar avoid the floors
after all the walls kick down the doors

i've made my bed and now we'll see
if the cuckoo's still living in his cuckoo tree
now we'll see,now we'll see
if the cuckoo's still living in his cuckoo tree
kick down the walls if you wanna be free
the cuckoo's still living in his cuckoo tree
if you wanna be free,if you wanna be free
the cuckoo's still living in his cuckoo tree.

[seriousfun]

I like this Tom.

The repetition in this doesn't bother me at all, as long its not supposed to be a country or folk song then it would annoy the hell outta me.

One line I did wonder about was the walk like sugar. I didn't understand that at all I suspect I'm not alone. The only sugar I have seen walk is my wife, but I havnt called her that for 40 years. Hmmm perhaps Its about time I started again.....

Aside from that I liked your lines. I am assuming that the cuckoo eating part is the chorus, and if so its mostly a good one ( apart from the sugar bit ). I like the way it references walls from the earlier verse.

There are a number of different ways this lyric can be interpreted as I read it principally a mental institution where the subject is a guest or it could be that the cuckoo  resides in his head. What ever, I get a bit of a lunacy aspect in this. I never considered the clock from one moment

Enjoyed.

Allan.

[tomcrocus]

Hello alan,
               thanks a lot for the positive feedback.
"Walk like sugar avoid the floors",i'll explain,it's a reference to the
late great boxer Sugar Ray Robinson,it was said that even when he
walked he just seemed to float along,
                                                   cheers,tom.

[seriousfun]

Thanks for the reply. Its great to get the meaning behind songs. And there are many famous songs out there with meanings that no one but the writer probably gets.

One of my fav writers, Burton Cummings, wrote a song called the watcher. I always wondered what it was about until I read his autobiography and he revealed that it was about a guy in the audience who came to watch every show The Guess Who performed at a particular city. Even if they performed a half a dozen shows, he would be there every night watching. After reading that suddenly the whole song made sense and i gained a new perspective on how Burton saw things.

[Paulski]

Hey Tom and welcome back. We missed your rhythmic prose!
I liked this - reminded me of an old playground taunt:

First comes love, then comes marriage
Then comes XXXXX with a baby carriage!

Only nit I had was rhyming fork and talk - doesn't work as well here in the colonies.

cheers
Paul

[PeeJay]

This was another fun read in your inimitable style.

Holds the attention all the way through. 

Maybe sugar should have a capital 'S'. Read a book about Sugar Ray Leonard the other day. He named himself after Robinson.

Nice one,

Phil.

[Vintage54]

   I know this guy, how are you man? The bard from the old north east. The sugar line, it was Leonard who immediatly sprang to mind, but that's my generation. Your style is unmistakeable, and i mean that it a good way. It's as welcome as the clippity clop of old Johnny Cash. It's not your best bud, but it will do. Don't leave it too long till the next.

                     Anticipating
                        Vintage54

[Arkwright]

One of my favourite bands is The Beautiful South and they had a habit of planting a slightly bizarre nonsensical track on each of their albums.

This is what this song reminds me of. A sort of album track filler that's strangely mesmorising without making much sense. I'd love to hear it put to music, as I suspect it's something that I wouldn't be able to get out of my head and would annoy the life out of people by constantly humming the tune.

In terms of structure, rhyme schemes etc, it works perfectly for me...

Good write...

[JonnyD]

I love this, the lyrics read really well rhythmically. I was also confused by the 'walk like sugar' line, but reading the comments you've cleared it up nicely.

Some nice surreal, psychedelic vibes as well, don't know if that's what you were going for. Reminded me a little of Syd Barrett era Pink Floyd.

Love it, good write

[LeRoc]

I like it! It reminds me a bit of these goofy songs the Beatles have done sometimes.

[hardtwistmusic]

I'm feeling a little bit sheepish.  It made sense to ME. 

There is more depth here (intended or not) than just the surface.  The "sugar" line is among the deep lines.... maybe a little too deep, but one line cannot kill a lyric. 

The title DEMANDS attention.  My mind immediately went to Ken Kesey's novel.  I would suggest something to you.  The nursery rhyme from which Kesey derived his title goes like this. 

Tingle tingle, tangle tock. 
Three geese in a flock. 
One flew east,
One flew west,
And one flew over the cuckoo's nest
and plucks you out.  (The mother sings to her child as she counts on his toes and the final toe counted is on the count of "out.") 

I shamelessly used that old Nursery rhyme in a song about and named after "One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest."  You could employ it subtly here too to pretty good effect.  If you want to. 

Loved the lyric.  ADORED the concept and the title.     

[tomcrocus]

A big thank you to everyone,
                                        it's allways nice to receive a bit of positivity,
you've been very generous with your feedback.
Verlon,
          i've never heard of that nursery rhyme but i'll have to try
and check it out because it's right up my street.
POWER TO YOUR MINDS.  cheers,
                                              tom.

[OkayAwesome]

Hi tomcrocus, thanks for your post on my piece.

This is fun and solid in structure, it rips along effortlessly. I think the "plastic fork" line is the one I'd look at changing up, mainly because I think "plastic" is a wasted word, it doesn't appear to be valuable to the meaning. Obviously 'meaning' is all semantics here anyway, but I do think it's a warranted criticism if you were to take this further. You could even change it up to add to the absurdism I think, in this case "plastic" comes off as rote, almost political word. I think that line could develop better to add to the quaint style.

Have a good day.

[seriousfun]

Actually i quite liked the plastic fork line. I may be wrong but to me it indicated that he couldnt be trusted with real silverwear, like they give you the plastic stuff on airplanes.