The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: fischermans on October 03, 2013, 07:11:12 PM
-
Hello all you fantastic musicians ;D
I wrote this song for my 17 years old sun because of his trouble finding a sweet girlfriend and his endless thoughts about.
Not perfect produced but I have less time for the moment.Sorry.
Version only me and my guitar
https://soundcloud.com/a-fisch-1/bleeding-hearts (https://soundcloud.com/a-fisch-1/bleeding-hearts)
Bandversion with strings and flute
https://soundcloud.com/a-fisch-1/bleeding-hearts-bandversion (https://soundcloud.com/a-fisch-1/bleeding-hearts-bandversion)
Bleeding Hearts
1) I don´t know how lovely you could be
I don´t know how perfect you will be
I don´t know how to find my way to you
I don´t know if you are in the near
Refrain: I will love this feeling
I will love when our hearts are bleeding
I will love when we are kissing
and when we are each other missing
2) I don´t know if you are in the near
I don´t know which way I will find
I don´t know that many reason to resign
I don´t know if I ever see your face
Refrain: I will love this...
3) I don´t know if I can further wait
I don´t know if I should be so straight
I may still have to wait
I may dream every night of you
I may kiss you all over in my dreams
and may sometime I know all off my silent screams
Refrain: I will love this...
4) I will love you till my time goes by
as much as I can do
never mind back in all the time
I was missing you
I was missing you
missing you
Hope you like
Alexander
-
Hi Alexander,
the lyrics show your love and your loving heart. This is a very touchy song !
Cheers,
Roni + Martin
-
Hello Roni and Martin
Thank you for your comment.
Alexander
-
Hi Alexander,
The lyrics resonate as i too was that troubled 17 year old quite a few moons ago. But, there's always someone out there - usually when you're not looking.
As a song It felt like you are in your comfort zone. I'd like to hear you branch out. Yes, it has your trademark vocals and lovely acoustic sound, but I'd like to hear it a little more adventurous. Maybe some finger picking, etc. The end works nice with the whistle and softly fading vocal.
Cheers,
Digger
-
Tender.
-
Hello
@digger72
Thanks for your words.Here is a version I added some more instruments.Hope you like.
@sciencebase
Thank you. :D
https://soundcloud.com/a-fisch-1/bleeding-hearts-bandversion
Regards Alexander
-
Hi Alex I'm a fan of yours Theres something unique about you & your style........
I dont know bits sound like Saeed! he,he,he,he ;D ;D ;D ;D
Beautiful I love it! :)
-
Hi Stylus
I thought I like you but now I have to think about this again ;D ;D ;D
You love it? I sell it to you. ;D ;D
Thanks Alexander
-
I knew it! You didnt call me : My Lovely Stylus ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
One day I might play on one of your tracks ! but you'll have to creep & be nice to me! ;D ;D ;D
-
Hello my new lovely Stylus ;D
What would you play on one of my tracks? Romeo or Julia? ;D ;D ;D ;D
Don´t worry you get the part.
Your Alexander
-
I love love love the beautiful refrain!! I think there is not quite enough movement in the verses, but then the chorus comes in and it flies.....
I also love the whistled ending. So laid back. I can imagine a young lad has just met the girl of his dreams, and now walks around whistling this and nothing can touch him........
If your son can write something like this and sing it to a girl he likes, i am sure she will fall for him!!
-
Hello Caco
Thank you for your words.What is funny on this story. The same day I have posted the new song I drove to the disco to pick up my son and he told me that he has a new girlfriend.
All's well that ends well.
Alexander
-
Alexander,
Nicely swaying simple tune with a sympathetic arrangement.
:)
Neil
-
Hi Alexander,
It's heart felt and reminds me of 'Close to you'.
Thanks,
Alan.
-
Hello Caco
Thank you for your words.What is funny on this story. The same day I have posted the new song I drove to the disco to pick up my son and he told me that he has a new girlfriend.
All's well that ends well.
Alexander
Heh heh heh.... That "new girlfriend" thing doesn't ALWAYS "end well." :O)
Ask me how I know.
-
Hello Caco
Thank you for your words.What is funny on this story. The same day I have posted the new song I drove to the disco to pick up my son and he told me that he has a new girlfriend.
All's well that ends well.
Alexander
Heh heh heh.... That "new girlfriend" thing doesn't ALWAYS "end well." :O)
Ask me how I know.
You old toad. ;D ;D ;D
-
Hi Alexander,
Nicely done, your voice suits this simple type of arrangement. Tell your son that's girls have to kiss many frogs before they find a prince, the right one will come around, maybe tomorrow...... :o ??? ;D ;D
Cheers
Jamie
-
Hello
@Neil
Thank you for your words
@Alan
Close to you from the Carpenters? Not the worst song.I like it. :D
Thank you
@Jamie
Thank you and I will tell my son but not jet he is fresh in love. ;)
Alexander
-
The same day I have posted the new song I drove to the disco to pick up my son and he told me that he has a new girlfriend.
Lucky lady!! Maybe there will be further instalments in your songs for your son......happy songs hopefully :D
-
Lovely.
A very light and airy production with a great vocal.
:) 8)
-
Hello
@Caco
I will try :D
@mihkay
Thank you very much for your words.
Alexander
-
Very original sound, very enjoyable, good work!
-
Hello Sullish
Thank you very much.
Alexander
-
I'm a big fan of your material and I like the way you sing and play. I don't think you need to change a winning formula which appears to come out of you with no artifice. You write about deeply personal things without lapsing into cliché on all your songs and this is no exception. I think you have real star quality in your writing, playing and singing. This listener is enchanted.
-
Hello Alan
Hope you had a nice holiday.Many thanks for your friendly words.You know it means a lot to me. :)
Alexander
-
I don't know how I missed this one Alexander...it's lovely and oh, so you :)...you know how I feel about your vocals :-* I love that you would write a song about your son's anguish about not finding a girl friend...it's so very touching :) I think I like the simple version at this point, but I like that you're trying to fill out the song with strings etc...I think I would slow them down a bit in this though...make them more drawn out...only my humble opinion...it's a lovely song :) :) CS
PS about the wedding...I think in the spring would be lovely, don't you ;) ;)
-
Nice and relaxed, which works.
I like the instrumentation with the flute and strings but at times they felt just a little too staccato and disjointed. Don't take this as a criticism I'm just being picky.
Nice guitar sound and some nice chord changes in the chorus.
Thought the whistling at the end worked really well.
Yodasdad
-
Hello
@CS
The next time you miss me give me a call. ;D Thank you Suzy for your words and with the wedding
I´m d'accord with you.Please arrange a date and let me know. :-* ;)
@Yodasdad
Thank you for your comments. All off them are welcome.Criticism is not a bad thing for me because
I have to learn a lot.
Alexander