[BooBoo]

This song is about something personal that is happening im right now. Tell me what you think xx

Verse
Everything was normal,
Everything was working,
Everything was ok,
But now everyone is breaking,

We all got that phone call,
And it has tore us all up,
No one can believe it's real,
It's all just the worst luck,

Chorus
You're lying there,
Ever so still,
Out hearts keep beating,
Wondering when you will,
Wake up and crack a joke,
Doesn't have to be a funny one,
Anything will work,
Just don't leave us,
Not just yet,
Because in my watch,
You have loads of time left

Verse
The waiting room,
Is a confusing time,
Because we want to keep out spirits up,
We're unsure whether to laugh it cry,

One thing I'm certain about,
Is you're in all our thoughts,
Through the happy memories,
And the ones that are not

Chorus

Bridge
I don't want to hear,
It'll all be ok, all be fine,
Because what if in the end,
It's all a lie

Chorus

[Sing4me88]

Hey Boo. It's obvious that there is very strong feeling and personal emotion invested in this song. It shines through faultlessly. But if I'm honest I think its a great write and it still would be even if you weren't writing from personal experience. It's lyrically so strong, the chorus is simply sheer genius, especially the part about the joke not having to be funny. This is a very strong, heartfelt piece

[Jess]

Aww this is so beautiful and well written, with some really great lines. I hope whatever you wrote this song about turns out okay in the end x

[BooBoo]

Thank you for comments.

Sing4me88 someone else has told me they like the bit about the joke so I'm glad you like it to. Also just thank you for the nice comments and how you thought the chorus is "sheer genius" it's not but thank you.

Jess thank you for your comments as well. I'm glad you liked the song and thought there was some good lines. I hope everything turns out ok in the end :/

The song was quite easy to write for me, I basically just write what i felt at the time and put it into a song. Because of that I didn't think it was that good but I'm glad you've seen to like it

[S.T.C]

The chorus needs to be shorter and punchy...and your bridge should come sooner.like about 3/4`s in the song to give it a lift...on a second quick look ..your verse 1) would make a decent chorus?

[Innominate]

The structure of the song seems odd to me. The rhythm changes dramatically when the second verse starts which makes reading it a little weird. Clearly the emotion is there and it is heartfelt but the writing doesn't really do much for me. I will echo the comments about the joke part in the chorus though. I easily empathized with that sentiment and I think it's the best part of the song. Cheers.

[BooBoo]

Hmm could I ask how the structure seems odd to you?? Well at least the joke but seems to be a hit

[Innominate]

It might be different in the music so forgive me if it does. But here are the two first stanza's to the verses with the counted syllables.

Verse 1
6   Everything was normal,   
6   Everything was working,
6   Everything was ok,
8   But now everyone is breaking,

Verse 2
4   The waiting room,
6   Is a confusing time,
10 Because we want to keep out spirits up,
9   We're unsure whether to laugh it cry,

These are very different but they are both the beginning of the verses. It seems odd to me to establish a pattern in the verse then have a new pattern when the listener encounters it the second time. Usually a song creates familiarity with repetition so when the melody hits the section we've heard, we're expecting it, anticipating it. With great music, we're eager for it. That's what I meant by odd. Big changes in timing and meter are what bridges are usually used for. Maybe it works, i don't know having not heard it.

[noctu]

A sad read for me, I was interpreting it as a friend dying, and someone I knew died around where I live recently so I imagined his close friends writing this (as if they had I mean).

I don't think the structure bollocks is always necessary, it seems fine to me, I mean I was thinking throughout I could easily imagine a song to go with the lyrics, strum the right chords and make it work, piece of cake. I don't think there should necessarily be too much care for people who state there are rules on "how to write lyrics" structurally, but I also understand that there are those who are very fussy and perfectionist (and perfectionism doesn't always work if you're thinking too technically when it comes to art, well, music and lyrics/poetry). I know this too well as I've many a time ruined songs and productions because I'm over-analysing the technical aspects instead of the song. It all depends I suppose. Just some thoughts.

[BooBoo]

Thank you for the comments. Noctu I totally agree with you. In my eyes
I don't really think there is a right or wrong way when it comes to writing in general. That's the thing I love about it! With songs as long as you have something that you think can work I don't think it really matters.

[Peppermint]

Nice set of lyrics BooBoo,

Although In one way Innominate does have a point but without listening to it with music its abit hard to tell whether it would sound good or not with its current structure.

If you think it works well as it is then leave it be.
I don't think there's that much wrong with it myself.