[Nellie]

Hellooo! This is ''I recently listened to a song and got inspired'' kinda piece. I would love to hear what you think about it, all comments are appreciated. Thank youuu for reading, as well.

WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT US

Oh, I don't wanna get into it
I don't wanna get into this
Truth and sadness' all that's left around
Around us
Getaway would sound so good
But not running where we should
Call it the last sight
Of us

And your hands are coming closer now
And I'm moving farther away

You call my name
For one last time
And I turn around
What's so great about us                                                             
What's so great about us

Oh, I can see you smiling now
And I don't wanna loosen up
Fog and questions surround you
All the time
Runaway as far as can
But just going with your step
End up nowhere near
Instead

And your lips are so inviting now
But I'm moving farther away

You call my name
For one last time
And I turn around
What's so great about us
What's so great about us

I've got time and noone near
Come and pick me up
Try to see me crystal clear
Try to see me crystal clear

You call my name
For one last time
And I turn around
What's so great about us
What's so great about us

I keep coming back
Just to leave again
What's so great about us
What's so great about us

[Paulski]

Hey Nellieeee!
I really like the vibe I get from this. Usually songs based on questions don't work for me but this one totally does. I think it's because it is a rhetorical question that just sort of stews in its own juices: "What's so great about us?". A few minor suggestions below:

And your hands are coming closer now
But I'm moving farther away

You call my name
For one last time
But I turn around

I keep coming back <- remove "that"
Just to leave again

This is really good - when can we hear it sung?
Paul

[Arkwright]

I'm really struggling with this one to be honest.

I like the sentiments of the lyrics, but no matter how many times I read it, I just can't seem to get it to flow in my head. It somehow feels a bit disjointed.

I wish I could offer some suggestions, but I think I would end up fundamentally changing the song if I did.

All that said, I'm as far away from being an expert on lyrics as it's possible to get and I would take note of the far more talented people on this forum than me.

There's a distinct possibility thyat when it's put to music, I would love it...

[Nellie]

Paulski – Hiiii and thank you very much! That's really nice to hear! But I'm afraid this won't become anything else than just a written message for now.
''You call my name
For one last time
But I turn around'' – thank you for suggesting that, but I prefer it to stay the way it is now because ''turn around'' line was meant to imply that she goes back to him again.
''I keep coming back <- remove "that"'' – yeah I'll do that, it does sound better that way in my opinion. Thaaank you for sharing your opinion, it did help a lot! Aaaand I'm glad you liked it!

Arkwright – Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. You can share your opinion or suggest anything you feel would make it better, we're all here to learn and expand. I appreciate your feedback and thank you for taking the time to read this. The way I imagined it to be, I think it would flow well with music, but that's just me. Buuut feel free to say what you would like to change and we can see what's the best way to make it work.

[benjo]

 HEY NELLIE

 i really like this,

 some cracking little lines in there
 and i agree with you on the changes suggested
 i would keep it as it is
 its always hard to know what you had in your head when you wrote this
 melody or just a simple tune
 but i do know i've wrote loads of lyrics
 with something in my head and then some one brings it to life
 and every one gets something else from it

 i think this is a good write
 and i hope you get the music it deserves

         good luck nellie

             

[Nellie]

benjo - Thaaaank you for reading! I agree with you, I think everyone relates to something in their own way, because it makes them think about someone/something. And that's what's great about music, it can make you feel so many different things. Thank you, thank you so much for the nice words, you are too kind.