Since it has been the World Mental Health Week, this week, I have been using it to open up about my mental health struggles. Mostly through music and social media. I have been struggling with both depression and anxiety for many years, and have been having panic attacks too. The past few years I have been doing good, and haven't been affected that much by my mental health struggles as before. Until recently when I was sitting in my car outside my gym, I started sweating, shaking and my heartbeat was raising and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I was about to have my first panic attack in roughly 2,5 years, but I managed to cool off and relax. That's when this song came to life. I wanted to create a more vulnerable feeling than ever before and write about how it feels from my point of view to be struggling, and how I feel I'm locked in a box and have to fake a smile and put on an act that I'm doing fine when I'm not. I have been fighting for a while to get more awareness of mental health, and hopefully, I can do so by telling my story through my music!
Fake Smile
You don’t see if there’s something wrong
Saturday night I’m the one sitting all alone
I always play it cool say I’m doing alright
While everyone’s out leaving me behind
I’ve been hurting, and nobody sees that it’s all just an act for the gallery
I’ve been trying, to be only me and not someone I’m not proud to be
And I-I-I-I just gonna put on a fake smile
And I-I-I-I just gonna act like I’m doing fine
But I’m not
I have been left with scars that you don’t see
I’ve been depressed and left with my anxiety
Since I smile I’m told I can’t be a mess
Born to be a man I’m taught to feel less
I’ll stay strong, I promise I’ll get by, but the pain has taken over my life
I know it’s wrong, to keep it all inside when there’s no place I can hide
And I-I-I-I just gonna put on a fake smile
And I-I-I-I just gonna act like I’m doing fine
But I’m not
I won’t cry for help
I won’t cry for help
I can’t save someone else
Before I save myself
And I-I-I-I just gonna put on a fake smile
And I-I-I-I just gonna act like I’m doing fine
But I’m not
©Luke Armstrong - 10/10-19