The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on January 03, 2020, 01:24:59 PM
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First time @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) heard this she said: ah, a love song for your generation and I'd say that summary was spot on. She also (as always) provided valuable assistance with the lyrics.
Even though I seem to get softer and softer I did manage to break out for a little while towards the end ;)
This is the first mix and I'm pretty sure I'll go back and tweak it in a few weeks so if something pokes your ear; bring it on!
The shine of silver in your hair
The lines of laughter ‘round your eyes
You never try to hide
All the years that we’ve shared
Were better than I dreamed
The day you said you’d be my bride
See we’re still around
no matter what life throws at us
we always stand our ground
we lost some battles
but not the war
When I was weak
down on my knees
You picked me up
And put me back on my feet
Lean into me
My turn to lead
Let brush away your tears
Hand in hand, we stood
strong and fast together
As we faced each challenge down
Side by side, we walked
we would never waver
We would never give an ounce
Can you see what I see?
Together we are so much more
more than you and me
Can you feel what I feel?
When I was weak
down on my knees
You picked me up
And put me back on my feet
Lean into me
My turn to lead
Let brush away your tears
As we turned each page
And embraced each change
Our love remained blind
To the passing of time
So I don’t believe
The face that I see
When I look in the mirror
Can possibly be me
When I was weak
down on my knees
You picked me up
And put me back on my feet
Lean into me
My turn to lead
Let brush away your tears
Lean into me
My turn to lead
Lean into me
It's my turn to lead
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Hi @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) & @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Great to hear another one from you. I love the jangly guitar and world weary vocals on this one. You certainly are in a more mellow vibe these days but it works very well. Like it when you break into double time and rock out around 3:40 - Great guitar solo. As usual, top quality :)
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I love that line “lean into me” it’s a great way of saying it mate! Nice lyrics all around. I LOOOOVE the change up after the bridge! Just awesome and classic Jambrains! I felt a couple of the drum fills needed tightening up a bit in the back end of the song (both times was when there were two quick snare hits in succession.👍🏻)
Lovely song mate!😄🎶👊🏻🎶
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Cracked it again mate....luvin the end part in particular which works well because of the first part..if that makes any sense :P
consistent quality of sounds man..awesome 8) 8)
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Happy New Year Johann @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) - Another instantly recognisable song from you, I'd know your stuff if I walked into a record store, that's really an acheivement.
Like the double time idea, +1 with the the drum fills, maybe dbl time the bass too, until the Lean into me recapitulation, also maybe thing down the beginning establishment of the melody line..
But these are just ideas, not crits...Like the words, 'Lean into Me' I would want my friends to do that to me.
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269): thanks for the kind words :)
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) : thanks mate! I see what you mean re the fills, nothing wrong with the per se but I do agree they may not be the best fit, I'll see what I can do before final version
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024): thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, much appreciated :)
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308): a belated happy new year to you to. Thanks, being easily recognizable is indeed an asset. Some good input indeed, see above re the fills. I did try double time bass but it was a bit to fast to really work.
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I’ve listened to this song about 5-6 times.
Fantastic uplifting chord sequences, very well played, with a great sound.
I didn’t hear any weaknesses in this song either chordally, or melodically, I think its awesome.
I’m not sure what emotions it evokes in me but I did find it very positive and stirring and I found myself singing along (even creating some unnecessary harmonies).
I could easily see this being a hit!
I thought the solo worked very well however, I felt that when the vocals came back in it didn’t sit quite so well over the double timed backing. There was a slight awkwardness about it.
I was disappointed that we’d lost that fabulous vibe. I understand why it was done but it just didn’t quite work for me.
I wonder if it might work better with the solo coming in with double time at the end to play the song out rather than in the middle.
In any case, I really rate this song…it has tremendous potential.
Thank you for sharing your music with me.
Hope this helps,
Paul
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Nice one @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) :)
It's a unique hook and lyrics are solid.
Vocals are stellar as always.
I wasn't keen on the drums in the chorus - they seem to conflict with the guitars but could be just me.
Love the double-time part and the solo - way cool!
Another good song from your talented self ;D
Paul
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Hi @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) and @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) ,another cracker! Excellent song, loved the guitar solo and the double time at the end. All sounded good to me!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Your voice reminds me so much of someone famous but maddeningly, I can't think who it is. Anyhow, the song is great and you make especially clever use of chord changes. A little long perhaps - that would be my only nit.
M
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Oh @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) ... simply love this. Great tune, great lyrics, and a pleasure to listen to.
I can already see that January's song of the month competition is going to be a pig to narrow down, never mind choosing a winner.
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Nice work you two, the double time changeup works so well here!
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Hi,
Love the sound of the bass! The melody is very beautiful, the lyrics are well interpreted. The mixing is perfectly successful because it highlights each instrument and lets the guitar and the piano express themselves in the accompaniment.
It's a success!
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Well she is a cheeky one that @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820), as I always thought she was much older than you @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)! ;)
But it is a lovely song indeed that folk who've lived a little will definitely appreciate. Very tender, in fact, except for the crazy guitar solo which sounds like the protagonist just discovered Viagra! Skilled solo, mind, I will give you that.
But there's some proper songwriting craft in this one and you sing it fabulously well, with such heart ;D
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Hi jambrains,
Another great song, your vocals has such a nice tone, (of which I am insanely jealous of BTW), love the instrumentation and the way it rocks up towards the end,
Top guitar work too.
Thumbs up here dude.
BTW mixing sounding cool too.
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Well, if you must change something, make sure it’s not the intro, coz that’s killer.
Don’t think there’s much I’d change with this at all to be honest, it’s a powerful song with a good vocal hook.
I might bring the guitar solo up a smidge, but that’s about it.
Great work.
Yodasdad
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Mellow? Maybe, but only in a Tom Petty sort of way...
Nice song concept - it’s a clever idea to use a different expression for love in a different generation. Not giving an ‘ounce’ is also unique - in a good way I think and we know exactly what you mean.
A full sound as always from you - I think the piano is a big element in this (and a bit underused in rock these days).
Cool track. And that’s definitely a young person’s solo!
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Thoroughly enjoyed this one...I think i've said before how much i like your mellower stuff in particular...and then you ramp it right up and there's a very tasty guitar break in there...very cool!
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Well she is a cheeky one that @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820), as I always thought she was much older than you
Maybe I am @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) 8) ;)
Love this song @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) but then you know that already :-)
K
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Crikey, bit of an anthem this one. Love the subsections and the way it evolves in some quite unusual ways. It fits your voice really well too. One of your very best.
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I love this and I hope to learn it. I hope it's okay if I sing it sometimes? Even in public, maybe? The message is very personal for me.