The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on March 29, 2017, 07:25:46 PM
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A bit silly, this one...
Another FAWM song...so it was knocked up in just 2 days...i remember culling the samples from an iPhone app that was discontinued a while back that i used to really like called "acapella men" which was a little barbershop quartet novelty thing.
I built a few chords up with it and set about thinking for a subject. The idea of a demon barber shop quartet was too ridiculous for me to pass up...so i whacked a story out roughly along the lines of the old "string of pearls" penny dreadful tale that was made into a 1936 film starring the fantastic Tod Slaughter as Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. His performance was so ham-my, he should have worn mustard instead of make-up ::)
Haircut, Sir?
I wandered down through London Town
Returning from abroad
My ship had docked that morning
I was drunker than a Lord
Off to see a gentleman
to seek his daughters hand
Eager to embark upon
The future we had planned
I turned a pea-soup corner
Stroked the whiskers on my chin
"Haircut, sir?" He asked of me
And kindly showed me in
"Welcome to my barber shop
sit down and be my guest
A man of your distinction
should always look his best"
A fortune in my pockets
Jewellery in my case
Enough to draw a second smile
Underneath my face
A shop without a sign above
might seem rather odd
but this shop is on Fleet Street
and it's owner, a Mr Todd
It's very simple and repetitive...and the lead vocal is a bit off here and there...hey ho...it's just a bit of fun...
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Nice song Paul......and equally nice performances. But what's a "pea-soup corner"?
Interesting vibe and lyric!
Good stuff!
-Tom
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Thanks, Tom...the London fog used to be referred to as being as thick as "pea soup" and i used it to show that he didn't know he was turning into Fleet Street.
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Oh, I like the way you did this! I wouldn't mind if it built up some as it goes; however, then it might lose its folky, ballady, Tom Dooley style, story-telling feel, so maybe not.
I might change the way one line goes: "but this shop is on Fleet Street" by stopping after the word "shop" and then hitting "is" quickly and briefly without emphasis, moving right away to, and putting more strength behind, "on".
So, did the barber (or whoever) "draw" that second smile on our poor rich guy???
Nice one, especially for a quick FAWM piece!
Vicki
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Ive just eventually caught up with Taboo on the iplayer and this was perfect pea souper and blood music with misty ships and gunpowder on the Thames for me. Excellently inventive and original as usual Paul. Love it that you push the boundaries instead of staying safe ;)
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Hey Paul,
Clever song, atmospheric and you captured the subject well. Good performance too - I actually listened first without reading your intro so the 'twist' really worked
Good job!
Phil
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Hi,
Very creative, loved the barber shop harmonies.
I'd love to hear this developed more, maybe with some more contrast between sections but considering it must have been a rapid writing process I think you've done a fine job.
Well done
Yodasdad
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Hi Paul.
Silly,you say? Not at all man,it's a fantastic original piece.
It makes me smile in so many ways,from the barbershop style of the song matching the lyrical topic,the whole thing marries up perfectly.
Made my day so far. Wonderful. 8)
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I dont think there was one FAWM song of yours I didnt like Paul
& of course I remember this one well..
Very original & certainly gripping & entertaining lyrically ..I love the barbershop voices but surely thats you isnt it? … you said it was a app but it sounds like your voice?
You might not be hitting all the notes here but your voice always has loads of character which is just as important & I love to hear it ...in fact I think you should be reading the news...
This is News At Ten with Paul Adamson! :)
& while your at it do the narration for The Apprentice please
I love novels set in Victorian times so this was right up my street
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Very entertaining song and well put together, your usual very clever lyrics!!!
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Hi Paul, your usual high standard lyric. Quite different from your usual style, but very inventive and works well with the story.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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Dammit, more proof that FAWM can enhance and not diminish creativity. Great story. I think there's loads that you could do with this (cheesy sound effects, some mysterious quiet bits) but it's got an old school simplicity which really works.
Cool stuff.
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I really enjoyed this. Great story telling, and I didn't see the twist coming. Very clever writing, unusual in a good way, and very entertaining. Performance was good too - kind of the Clash going all post punk Barbershop. Almost gave me a second smile.
Mike
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Brilliant lyrics. love the second smile under my face line. that is genius. Its beautifully dark and atmospheric. really good.
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Very good Paul. Really got a great sound too.
Of course it works fine as it is but begs to be made bigger.....could make a cracking number with a full music production if you had the time and the inclination.
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great tale paul well told..
demon barbershop quartet brilliant idea and really engaging
i could imagine a wheezing squeeze box in the pauses maybe but can't fault it
you fawmers are racking up the hits..
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Hey Paul
Well, that was creative!
Cool new/old vibe - I wanted a harp to come in mid-way through and maybe the lead vocal was a couple db too loud - but your voice is great and better loud than too soft.
PS - liked the low harmonies - is that a fourth? :)
Enjoyed the listen
Paul
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Ha ha...looks like I got away with it...cheers!
Vicki...in the film, the good guy survives...
Tina - thanks! the lead vocal and the very low quiet one are me, the other voices are samples from the app. I'd love to read the news...it'd be quite different from the drivel the BBC spoon feeds us here in Blighty.
Paulski - a fourth take perhaps :D I don't know what it was really, I just thought I'd best do a bass part and just made it up as I went along.
Suitably encouraged, I might look at doing a bigger arrangement of it at some point. Who knows, I might even have a chorus one day :P
Thank you everyone for all your nice comments.