The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: ScottLevi on November 26, 2016, 03:37:14 PM
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Well I've been struggling as of late, not being able to see anything through but quickly giving up and moving on.
Luckily, there's a growing amount of lyrics in the collaboration league (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=11878.0) - so thought I'd give one of these a go to get myself back in the swing.
I've tried to design the league to encourage anyone to be able to enter, regardless of ability. This isn't about spending ages making the best song possible, it's about showing the different style and implementations the lyrics can be made in to - to inspire, compare and (hopefully) be interesting. Hopefully this will help those beginners like myself engage more with the community, gain inspiration and open up channels for future collaboration.
A bit out of my comfort zone, no swearing? D:
So here's my simple acoustic (and a little bit of keyboard) entry to get us started - hopefully Keith wont hate it ;)
Thanks to Keith for contributing these fantastic lyrics to the league.
https://soundcloud.com/namelessmc/tonight-at-the-fair-lyrics-by-diademgrove
Verse 1
The barker shouts "come ye all to the fair"
bright flashing lights dance across the sky
slicked back hair, zoot suit, green shirt
Getting high on the fairground air
Standing beside the helter skelter
Pre-chorus 1
I want to take a ride, take a ride, take a ride, a ride
Chorus
tonight at the fair, tonight at the fair
will I find love? tonight at the fair
Verse 2
The crescent moon is shining through the clouds
shining on the leaves as they turn gold
polished shoes, white shirt, black skirt
getting wet in the autumn rain
I see you laughing by the ghost train
Pre-chorus 2
Why don't you, take a ride, take a ride, take a ride, with me
Chorus
Bridge (music only)
Pre-chorus 2
Chorus
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Hi Scott. This is so refreshing man. I have been listening to some far over produced shite on the radio tonight and this song wows me as you are not involved in all that blx. Love the toy organ btw. Keep doing what you're doing mate
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Aha screw the radio! Cheers geeze was worried this was a bag of shite itself but enjoyed doing something simple, was on the 'music box" setting on my keyboard I bloody love it. Unfortunately the 'firework' setting which would've made more sence doesn't sound very good at all.
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this had the innocent charm & sound of childrens TV songs some years ago...i could see george & zippy & bungle singing this!
with the xylophone & nylon guitar & fairground lyrics it sounded lovely for kids & I liked it a lot..
altho at the same time it weirdly reminded me a bit of a captain beefheart & the way you sang helter skelter made me wonder if there was a homicidal maniac lurking at the fair ..
I wished there had been some rhymes in the lyric
it was much better recorded than your first few songs Scott & I enjoyed hearing everything properly :)
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Tina thanks for listening!
A kids song? That'll be new for me, maybe something I can play to my nieces and nephews!
Was an interesting experience using someone else's lyrics - like you mentioned with the 'homicidal' element it's difficult to decide which direction to go; is this a maniac stalking a woman at the fair or an innocent longing tale? I think the lyrics are open enough and glad I managed to put a little hint in there to make both a possibility - as it is often a thin line between wooing and harassing. That matched with children's tv remark made me think of this fantastic innuendo-filled Rainbow clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgbcQIT7BMc) :)
I was in a different room that usual for the recording, so maybe the acoustics are a bit better? Definitely my most focused vocal attempt so perhaps that made it easier to understand too.
Thanks again - much appreciated.
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Admire the effort but unfortunately over produced shite is on the radio for a reason my friend..
unfortunately!!!,
gone are the days when a song would do something without some serious production values..
I would love to bang out a song and not spend a week getting to sound ok..
but cannot be done nowadays...
best, Kevin :) :)
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Admire the effort but unfortunately over produced shite is on the radio for a reason my friend..
Aha not supprised Kevin with your production-heavy masterpieces something like this fails to impress ;)
Cheers for being honest, I am saving up for computer (as well as a car, mortgage deposit..) so that I can tinker with these in the week as opposed to only the weekend. At the moment I've lost a bit of faith in my production attempts worried that I end up ruining the songs.
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Hey Scott,
Yep, that's unmistakeable and fair play to you for sticking to your principles. You are adding more instruments with each song. I guess before long you'll have a whole dissonant orchestra behind you! Cannot wait myself :)
Seriously, I liked this, your ability to negotiate the fine line between incoherence and a proper tune is a rare skill imho and I'm glad you're doing it.
Looking forward to your next...
Cheers
Phil
At the moment I've lost a bit of faith in my production attempts worried that I end up ruining the songs.
I TOTALLY get this Scott, I have invested a small fortune in equipment lately only to wreck my songs in 'production' Actually I might as well record on my phone...now there's a thought!
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Hey Scott. You are banging out great music mate and it doesn't matter if you have got x or y equipment. You have your own unique style that nobody else has so embrace that and do your own thing man. Love your refreshing approach to what you are doing m its very easy to get wrapped up in cynical stuff so keep on doing what you're doing :) Cheers John Pompeyjazz
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You're breadth of fresh air Scott, really like the way you went into Keith's lyric exactly the way they read, Tina in her great post wrote "homicidal maniac lurking at the fair" brilliant as always, but in imagery i see you dress in thick patches undercover singing this and then leaping through the air on that "homicidal maniac lurking at the fair" its better than like, Brilliant.
I watch your video a certain John Belushi comes to mind, but you got your own style 8)
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Liked it. With the uke and toy triangle(?) setting off your scat singing, which supported Keith's lyrics.
Nice one guys
:)
Neil
Ps I think we should seperate the song writing from the concept of producing a 'record'
A good song shines through regardless imho, a song I might think of as 'bad' can be rescued and sound good. They're two separate connected disciplines, but if you want radio etc you need to embrace that latter..
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This brought a huge smile to my face Scott, right from the off I was into it. Great sounds, with whatever the hell it is you´re playing. Then it kind of speeds up a bit in places which may be deliberate or not, but the whole thing has such a fab feel to it, that it simply doesn´t matter. Love the lyrics as well...I remember going to the fairground as a child, but I never found love, I found candyfloss ;D
More like this please!
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@Phil
Cheers for listening and continuing to support, many thanks and much appreciated! Skill or circumstance incoherence is always an undertone ;)
Oo can't wait to hear what you do with your equipment - think with this one I wanted to do something simple well rather than something complicated badly. I'd suggest remembering the agile principles (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=11844.0) :P with all your new kit, use them carefully and make sure you're happy with what you've got before adding more!
@oldbutyet
Cheers for listening and it's lovely to hear you like how I've made use of the lyrics, it's certainly nerve-racking when using someone else's material, luckily Keith's lyrics had plenty of rhythm and imagery to work with!
Thanks for watching my video also, what a flattering comparison :)
@Neil
Thanks for listening, love that the stuff I put together doesn't quite sound like anything particular - think I under-estimated my keyboard (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cVf-AwTmdPc/Td8ouvmS15I/AAAAAAACgjw/9TNg8RKAm-I/s1600/vss4.JPG) particularly in this respect; really starting to appreciate it.
@Neil & John
Love the support re production; but I'm not that sensitive! I love that here there's feedback from all different types of people who all appreciate different aspects of music.
@MartynRich
If you smile, I smile! You're right about the speed; the guitar is quite simple so I tried a bit of freestyle changing over the bridge - so partially deliberate but didn't come out quite as I expected. Thanks for listening and commenting.
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I also immediately had a smile on my face
There are some great little melodies in there - I think you could pull these out to create a really great song
I did like the childlike quality though and enjoyed the whole song
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Charming little song.
Like the instrumental sections.
Great little guitars.
Sandeep
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Firstly Scott, you want to be clear with yourself the reasons you want to make music. Honesty is the first requirement.
Do you do it for yourself?
Have you commercial aspirations?
Then you can plot a course to be the best ScottLevi out there. Individual and inimitable,but perhaps unmarketable in the perceived manner.
Being the best you,to my mind,is the key to everything.
Then again,who am I and what have I ever done. :D
I love to hear folk trying stuff,whether it works or not,it's a scream against the norm and may open doors.
Look to pompeyjazz for inspiration,he's hit on just about every genre you can imagine and gets a song out of it. He's a great 'in forum' example of a restless,inquiring spirit.
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This is kind of fun and sinister at the same time (keyboard) and reading your comments it looks like that is exactly what you were after, so well done.
I think music with low production values has its place so don't worry too much about that. Capture the emotion and that's what you're doing. Some of the best performances I've heard have been stripped down acoustic numbers.
Yodasdad
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Hi Scott,
I really like what you've done with my words. I'm pleased you've got some really positive feedback.
Although its not what I had in mind when I wrote them a bit thumbs up. It also shows how your words can be transformed if someone else does the music. I hope some more people have a look at the thread you started on collaboration and has a go (though not necessarily with my words).
Here's the link again.
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=11878.0
Keith
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There's something really trippy about the lyrics and tinkly backing that just evokes all sorts of timeless and edgy images.
This is kind of what I was getting at when I was asking about "genre" - I love the way this doesn't try to fit in with any pre-established genre and I think it's the more effective for that.
I can't really think what extra production I would put on that wouldn't ruin it...
One nil for the colaboration league...
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@Boydie
You weren't joking when you said you review is big stints, good effort! Glad you had a smile on your face - I'm sure I'll pick and choose things form these early works a bit later on when I'm prepared to take on something bigger.
@Movin Flavour
Cheers for listening and commenting, is much appreciated.
@Skub
Cheers for the advice, to be honest I probably haven't sat and thought where I actually want to end up, just enjoying having a play around at the moment! Even if I do want to end up taking this somewhere I think I'm still int he stage where playing around adds a lot of value to my development.
Good shout on pompeyjazz - couldn't agree more!
@Yodasdad
Cheers for the listen and positivity, I'm glad to get some good feedback on this. I do believe getting the basic's right is important and wanted to take a step back from my last attempt, and start building each song up more slowly rather than throwing lots of instruments together and hoping for the best.
@diademgrove
I'm happy if you're happy! As I said it's a bit nerve-racking and though one of the reasons I put the league together was to try and create the unexpected, guess it's a thin line between creativity and ruining your vision!
Hopefully people will continue to support the league, great to get a couple of people showing interest!
@adamfarr
There's something really trippy about the lyrics and tinkly backing that just evokes all sorts of timeless and edgy images.
:) Beautiful comment thank you very much. I'm sure a few people have mention about genre "depends are what you're trying to do commercial vs personal" but I'd like to think regardless of your end-goal, you've got to find your natural sound first.
Big up the collab league :P Think I'll take it out of 'pilot' if we have another entry!