[ScottLevi]

Hey hey,

I was watching Defenders on Netflix, and on one of the first episodes Daredevil is talking to a kid who's recently lost the ability to walk.

He basically tells the kid that the world wont be there to help him, and it's up to him to rebuild and make a life he's happy with.

I liked the sentiment so rolled with it, to create this kind of "tragedy to realistic hopefulness of endeavour".

I want to put some real effort into this. Most of my lyrics are overly personal and I'm not a fan of sharing them outside of this forum but this one's slightly detached, more relatable and I think I'd feel more comfortable performing it.

I think the message for each section is pretty spot on so far..
1: I get it bro, you're screwed
2: No light at the end of the tunnel?
3: Got no time to sulk bro
4: Gotta' pave the way for the new
5: Yeah it's hard, but I believe in you

I'm still trying to think of a 6, so if anyone has any ideas would appreciate some inspiration.
6: So lets bloody do it!

Lyrically I think my least favored is V3.. The sentiment fits but the lyrics are just simply poor.

So would love to hear what you guys think. Is this worth putting forward as a 'big project' or shall I keep knocking them out and wait for something better to come along?

Is the theme too... common? I'm sure there's lots of similar songs around and I pride myself on trying different angles.

I know I've posted this in the lyrics section, so I probably shouldn't post a link, but here's a very rough recording - just in case it helps put some context to the words.

Oh an excuse me for the Jesus line, I'm not religious but for some unknown reason I really like songs that randomly mention that guy. (Though I can only think of The Runner off the top of my head.  


<sub>V1
I know this is the end
Of the world you used to know
Like the lights are fading out
And there's nowhere left to go

V2
Your life's collapsing,
And nothing lasting,
'Cept the never-ending feeling
That you wont ever get past it!

Chorus
Eyes open, Sleeves up,
Boy you got some work to do
Make amends, With Jesusyour soul,
No-one else is helping you

V3
This time's too important,
The crucial moment,
No time to despair,
Keep your future loaded,

v4
It's the end of the old,
But the start of the new,
And it's so much harder,
Than the life which you knew,

Chorus

V5
I know it's challenging,
And the world will knock you down,
But I'm pretty sure you'll manage it,
And fight another round

V6
I know this is the end,
Of the world you used to know,
Now take what you've learnt,
And give it another go!</sub>


Big thanks to anyone who's taken the time to read to down here

All the best,
Scott.

[PaulyX]

Hey Scott, you've got some KILLER lines in here, especially:

'Eyes open, sleeves up'
and
'Keep your future loaded' (love that!)

I wondered if you could return to the first half of V1 for the start of V6 (so you get a nice symmetry and almost go full circle) but then you twist it so the last 2 lines are more positive than V1, to show a lesson has been learned.  Something like:

Yeah I know this is the end
Of the world you used to know
But you can build another
If you roll with every blow

(I don't like the 'blow' line that much but you get the idea).

As for the Jesus line, I like songs where he makes an appearance too but to my mind here, it changes the whole meaning of your song from being "you've got to get on and help yourself kid" to "all you've got to do is trust in Jesus" which kind of knocks the 'get motivated' energy out of it for me and makes it more passive.  What about 'make amends with yourself' or 'make amends with the universe' so the focus is back on 'doing it yourself'?

Anyway, thought these were great lyrics and they really resonated with me - struck a chord.  Haven't listened to the demo yet but look forward to hearing it develop.

[ScottLevi]

Hey Pauly,

Thanks so much for taking the time here, everything you said makes so much sense.

When messing around on the guitar I had repeated the first verse (just to fill the gap) and quite liked how the first two lines jumped back int he rhythm but didn't make sense as a whole to the story. I really like your third line there and I'm sure a killer 4th is inevitable!

And you're right unfortunately about the Jesus line - I think it works well in the chorus but does change the meaning of the rest of the song. Sorry Jesus, but I don't think there's room for you anymore!  Universe, yourself, your past, sure something like those will all fit nicely but I might need to reword the last line slightly.

Again, thanks for the help! Very motivating that at least to you the lyrics aren't just another standard 'be strong' set and have something with the potential to resonate.

Thanks again!
Scott.

[josemar]

Hey,
Iit's a great idea. Similiar idea came to me jogging round the park today...and seeing, and taking pity on a disabled person.....Reminding myself that could easily be me....

Anyway, you got some really tight meaningful lines....
Should you condense just to maybe three verses...bigger repetitive chorus....plus abridge...

It'd be interesting to see what angle the bridge could take...

...''it's easy to be angry, waving an angry fist at the normal people around me...but what good is that doing.... I still got a functioning mind, and a loving heart...that's more than most Joe Soaps.... queue....''

sorry I rambled....

''

[Paulski]

Hey Scott

I like a good motivational song - and you have avoided being preachy somehow which is the biggest trap in these types of songs  

I liked it all - well, except for the Jesus line - same reasons as Paulyx.
Easy enough to replace it though as it doesn't require a rhyme.
Even sth like "You gotta stand on your own two feet"
or "You have to find the strength you need" or sth might work.

Looking 4ward to hearing it
Paul

[ScottLevi]

Hey Josemar,

Thanks for taking the time, and you're right - it could so easily happen to us. It's crazy how easily your whole life could be turned upside down and makes you wonder how you'd cope with it.

Mmm it's interesting comments about a bigger chorus and bridge, I'm trying to avoid the back-to-back verse-chorus-verse-chorus-verse or chorus-verse-chorus-verse-chorus traps I keep falling in to. For this one though I think it would be difficult to add a bridge. I've already got the transition in the middle section, and think adding one it would risk it being there 'for the sake of it'.

I think what I would look for going forward in something musically to help transition the verses in and out of the chorus - but that's not for now.

And Paulski, cheers for taking the listen!

Yes, I can concede the Jesus line, but I'll be sure to resurrect in a future lyric!

Really glad on your "avoided being preachy" comment. That's exactly what I liked so much about the speech I took the motivation from - it was more "this is how it is, this is what you need to know, get to it" rather than coddling or patronizing - but still came off as positive and hopeful.

Cheers both!

Much love,
Scott.

[Jackdaw]

Hey hey,

I was watching Defenders on Netflix, and on one of the first episodes Daredevil is talking to a kid who's recently lost the ability to walk.

He basically tells the kid that the world wont be there to help him, and it's up to him to rebuild and make a life he's happy with.

I liked the sentiment so rolled with it, to create this kind of "tragedy to realistic hopefulness of endeavour".

I want to put some real effort into this. Most of my lyrics are overly personal and I'm not a fan of sharing them outside of this forum but this one's slightly detached, more relatable and I think I'd feel more comfortable performing it.

I think the message for each section is pretty spot on so far..
1: I get it bro, you're screwed
2: No light at the end of the tunnel?
3: Got no time to sulk bro
4: Gotta' pave the way for the new
5: Yeah it's hard, but I believe in you

I'm still trying to think of a 6, so if anyone has any ideas would appreciate some inspiration.
6: So lets bloody do it!

Lyrically I think my least favored is V3.. The sentiment fits but the lyrics are just simply poor.

So would love to hear what you guys think. Is this worth putting forward as a 'big project' or shall I keep knocking them out and wait for something better to come along?

Is the theme too... common? I'm sure there's lots of similar songs around and I pride myself on trying different angles.

I know I've posted this in the lyrics section, so I probably shouldn't post a link, but here's a very rough recording - just in case it helps put some context to the words.

Oh an excuse me for the Jesus line, I'm not religious but for some unknown reason I really like songs that randomly mention that guy. (Though I can only think of The Runner off the top of my head.  


<sub>V1
I know this is the end
Of the world you used to know
Like the lights are fading out
And there's nowhere left to go

V2
Your life's collapsing,
And nothing lasting,
'Cept the never-ending feeling
That you wont ever get past it!

Chorus
Eyes open, Sleeves up,
Boy you got some work to do
Make amends, With Jesusyour soul,
No-one else is helping you

V3
This time's too important,
The crucial moment,
No time to despair,
Keep your future loaded,

v4
It's the end of the old,
But the start of the new,
And it's so much harder,
Than the life which you knew,

Chorus

V5
I know it's challenging,
And the world will knock you down,
But I'm pretty sure you'll manage it,
And fight another round

V6
I know this is the end,
Of the world you used to know,
Now take what you've learnt,
And give it another go!</sub>


Big thanks to anyone who's taken the time to read to down here

All the best,
Scott.

The best film I ever saw in such a vein or similarity was a film called PASS IT ON or pass it forward or something like that etc etc about an American Superstar Footballer and a fan - a kid.

It makes you wanna cry :-(

Jackdaw1888

Ps... what the kid went onto do became viral in the States and across the World.

[Darren1664]

Really like these lyrics Scott and listening to the song I like how the melody itself feels positive and encouraging. I think you're onto something good here.

Good replies already and I see that you have taken their comments on board and like the changes you've made. I have no suggestion as I like these lyrics as they are. The only thing that may need some tinkering would be the structure. It'd be interesting to hear another rough take of this with the new lyrics and extra verse to see how it sounds all the way through.

Great writing

Oh and have you finished Defenders yet? I'm still on episode 2

Darren