Hi Adam,
What I love above the song is the concept and the the lyrics, there are some real gems in there, well done.
In terms of overall production you are improving vastly compared to some of the earlier pieces. I really love the real organic approach to the choice of instruments and placement in the mix. There are a few obvious problems, one of which the guitar lines in the intro seemed dissonant to me and not in the key of the song, but I didn't notice it anywhere else in the piece, it could just be me !
In terms of the songwriting, my overall view, and I've heard it in your other songs, is that the music and phrasing are not working together enough as a unit in order to support the emotion of the song. All the elements seem to be well put together but there is no overall unity, and each piece of the jigsaw when put together doesn't paint one whole picture. It all seems a bit too fragmented with albeit many great ideas in there but unfortunately pulling in a few directions. It leads to confusion and the feeling that something isn't quite right. Hey, it's only my opinion, I'm probably way off the mark, and it didn't stop me enjoying the song !
Well done
Regards,
Frenchy