The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: TheButcher on June 17, 2017, 06:42:56 AM
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Hello;
I wrote slow indie ballads for 5 years now. I guess my subconciuousness wants to tell me sth.
So heres an almost happy song; with a double bass drum and surfer guitar solos out of tune reverse guitars etc whatever :)
https://soundcloud.com/inside-man-1/fall
Julie
with you I'll run away
with you I'm not gonna stay
with you I'll get away from here
that summer night by the lake
we spent it wide awake
someday I'll take you away from here
maybe I lost my touch
when I wanted it all so much
would you say the words I need to hear
would you say the words I need to hear
You need to be
You need to be with someone else
Julie I see
Julie I see you with someone else
peace
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Got a 'Get Lucky' vibe to it..was this intentional? it's an ok piece,,maybe the guitars are a bit heavy.
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Helo and thanks for your reply
Got a 'Get Lucky' vibe to it..was this intentional?
Hmm; daft punk use Vocoder stuff as well; and the bpm is kinda similar. So; no, not intentional, but i guess there are some references.
maybe the guitars are a bit heavy.
i agree
it's an ok piece
well; tx
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Hey BG,
Nice work. I'm not sure I'd call it a pop song or 'almost happy' but it doesn't need to be either of those things to sound cool. I liked the funky melancholic vibe, sounded very modern like fans of The XX might be into. Very well structured, I like the layers of guitars that creep in - acoustic and then electric. I enjoyed the vocoder backing vocals too... I tend to hate vocoders on the main vocal but as an ambient touch like this I thought it was a great detail.
Maybe the ending is a bit abrupt however?
Good stuff, keep them coming... I think you've got a lot you can explore in this vibe...
Pauly
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Hey Paulyx
Tx a lot.
Ha, so cool you mention xx. I m a big fan; so it s a very nice compliment.
I ve never been a big fan of vocoder stuff too, but it offers so many ways to create new melodys. Every note needs to be programmed; so, it s not just doing random stuff.
I still wanna do some new vocals this week and use less vocoder in the final version.
Thank you for your feedback
B
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Yo Butch.
I always love to hear your new stuff. This has a chilled vibe and as such is enjoyable. I love the experimenting with the vocal harmonies,the guitar coming in around 2.17 less so,though when we get a revisit around 3.33 it doesn't jar as badly. I didn't know what to think of the ending,I'd either like a fade or something more conclusive. Maybe that's to much of a cliche forya? :D
Ta for the listen. :)
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Cool stuff. I like the way that the lyrics and vocal aren't really the stars and the guitars and intertwining melodies and sounds are what makes it.
Quite chilled and sometimes optimistic - is that the same as almost happy?
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your stuff is always very dreamy & melancholic like you live on a very sad cloud
but I always like the lazy vibe that pervades your songs & it always makes me think of a cat..
I didnt mind the vocals or the lyrics at all, tbh I thought it was the lead guitar solo bits that spoilt it ..I think you could do them a lot better :)
but I still like the song
I will write you some lyrics if you want :)
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Hi
Cool vibe.
I like how the song develops - an interesting little journey. Then it stops and starts again. Creative stuff.
Nice use of effects on the vocals.
Digger
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first: THANKS A LOT 4 YOUR time ! i know it s precious
Skub
I love the experimenting with the vocal harmonies,the guitar coming in around 2.17 less so,though when we get a revisit around 3.33 it doesn't jar as badly.
i wanna change that 1st guitar solo; maybe shorten and play sth that makes sense instead of just "noise" ;)
I didn't know what to think of the ending,I'd either like a fade or something more conclusive. Maybe that's to much of a cliche forya? Cheesy
:)
adamfarr
Quite chilled and sometimes optimistic - is that the same as almost happy?
*thumbs up* thank you Adam; yes, i guess so.
tina m
your stuff is always very dreamy & melancholic like you live on a very sad cloud
i live on a very sad cloud :) - what a picture - haha -
but I always like the lazy vibe that pervades your songs & it always makes me think of a cat..
i love cats. i can t walk past one, without trying to cuddle it...
it was the lead guitar solo bits that spoilt it ..I think you could do them a lot better Smiley
good advice; i will
I will write you some lyrics if you want Smiley
sure; i can t promise i ll use them, though :)
digger72
I like how the song develops - an interesting little journey.
yes; i like that too about this one.
TX again everyone
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I really liked this. I liked the ambience and I thought the guitars were excellent (myself :P...although I am listening through piddly speakers and not proper monitors so others obvs picked up on something I haven't) and I really liked the introduction of the acoustic guitar.
Lots going on which made this a very interesting listen on second, third listen...Lyrics and vocal are good with some nice harmonies. Get you lyrics nailed and I think your good! :)
Thanks
Darren
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Hi Darren1664
thank you for replying :)
I really liked the introduction of the acoustic guitar.
me too. t y
Lots going on which made this a very interesting listen on second, third listen...Lyrics and vocal are good with some nice harmonies. Get you lyrics nailed and I think your good! Smiley
always struggling with lyrics...
Tx again
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Reminds me of Everything But the Girl, a good thing. Not sure about the tone of the guitars, destroyed the mood created by the other instruments. That may be my system though.
I think the lyrics are finished. They seem to go with the mood created by the music perfectly.
All in all a great song and an enjoyable way to start Monday afternoon.
Keith
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Hi,
Quite like the musical parts at the start, with panning between left and right working well. I'm finding your vocal a bit too over processed for my liking, although I do quite like the layering, which is quite well done (the levels you've used to mix the layering - that is).
I didnt expect such a massive variation in the song, where it goes to the part with the acoustic. Quite liked that, took a different direction, and certainly kept me engaged as new listener. Although it then kept the same rhythm/feel for quite a while and on into the solo (another 80 seconds or so). I would say another part would have been useful to provide variation.
I think the mixing/balance is well done, and its quite a nice chilled out song.
Cheers
John
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thank you people; diademgrove and JHoos
I finally wrote some more lyrics; did further vocal takes and production.
I also dropped the heavy guitar stuff and did less vocoder stuff and more real sung 2nd and 3rd voices.
Also tried to find a good vocal sample. it shows up 1st time between 0:24 and 0:30.
Also tried some production stuff at about 2:50.
so i think i could implement most of your advices; they were very helpful.
not sure if i m finished yet :)
https://soundcloud.com/inside-man-1/fall
t y B.
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Production sound awesome! Perhaps not my cup of tea musically but damn, I love if anyway just by the way it sounds. Good variation, tons of little details here and there to discover. Most impressive work arranging and producing this. Two minor comment or perhaps they are two symptoms of the same thing? I would liked a little more bottom in in the mix and I also found it a little harsh at some places, however it may not be harsh but appear to be due to a little lack of bottom end (unbalance)?
Fab stuff anyways!
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I like this very much........great music to cruise the city night by. I find this a bit melancholy, and a shade or two gray...........which sounds splendid to these ears.
Great recording and performances......something I would like to download.
Love the songwriting.......... 8)
-Tom
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thank you guys
Jambrains
Good variation, tons of little details here and there to discover.
thank you; yes; i worked on that a lot
I would liked a little more bottom in in the mix and I also found it a little harsh at some places, however it may not be harsh but appear to be due to a little lack of bottom end (unbalance)?
i posted the song on a mixing forum and they told me the same thing.
good ears Jambrains :)
I changed these things in the latest version.
IronKnee
I like this very much........great music to cruise the city night by. I find this a bit melancholy, and a shade or two gray...........which sounds splendid to these ears.
Great recording and performances......something I would like to download.
Love the songwriting.......... Cool
8) 8)