Hi jon
I liked this - well, all except the first two verses.
The reasons the first verses didn't work for me are:
- too many perfect rhymes for verses (suggest save the perfect rhymes for the chorus)
- use of a cliché rhyme (blame/shame)
The opening verses need to be strong or ppl will bail on the song IMO.
Think Darren has some good suggs.
I really like this part:
When you’re alone with your mind
Does your conscience come out to fight
In the night
And does your conscience tell the truth
Do you hide right from wrong
But how long
Get the rest of it that good and you have a winner
Paul