[steffanovic]

NOW YOU'RE GONE ( STEF K.)

If you could break the wall of time
And look into the ocean’s eyes
Would you still choose to drown
Or fight against the waves

Like a blind man I was captivated
By your words and childish fears
Got you through the night and daydreams
Washed your heart in silent tears

CHORUS
Now you're gone, I stole the key
to wander through the night
Now you're gone, I've hurt my knees
begging for some light
Now you're gone, I feel your darkness
shining over me
but when the morning leafs will fall
I'll climb tomorrow's tree


If I could take you back in time
And vanish all those freaking lies
Would you just hold on tight
And shine upon my way


Like a rainstorm I could turn your winter
Into rays of golden sun
I’d keep you strong, you’re not a sinner
Just couldn’t catch you on the run

BRIDGE
But underneath this humble heart
The sun has come to shine
To find my way through darkened nights
And make sure that I’m fine
I hope you’re doing fine

[Bleedin Boy]

Good work, nice use of examples of weather. I really like the "darkness shining over me" lyric, it's good to see people use words in a paradoxical way and you've done it to good effect here.

[Carbor]

Using the power of nature to illustrate the singer's feelings in your lyric is very effective.

Well done!

[Paulski]

Hi Steffano

You will likely get more comments if you review other people's lyrics as well so we all get feedback!

I think you have some nice lines in this.
Some of the phrasing didn't invoke an image for me though - a few examples below:

break the wall of time

I try, but I can't imagine how time can be a wall, same issue with:

the ocean’s eyes

If you had said the "night sky's eyes" or something that came close to a face with eyes I think it would have worked better.

And in the chorus:

Now you're gone, I stole the key
to wander through the night

I could not understand who you stole the key from, why you would need a key to wander etc. I know this is supposed to be metaphor or abstract, but for me, it has to connect somehow to the real world, even if it's a fuzzy connection.

Keep in mind this is only my interpretation and I could be mis-interpretting.

Hope this helps a bit
Paul

 

[Vintage54]

      Greetings!
         I first read this a couple of days ago and was gonna comment on it then, but to tell you the truth, i didnt know how to. Same again yesterday, but once more, i was stuck for words. I still dont know what to make of it, and yet, i keep finding myself seduced in to checking it out again. The first verse, i like, without really knowing why. I concur with "paulski" about the lines he picked up on, hard to get an image, yet somehow it works. I too was also gonna comment on the "stole the key" line in the chorus, but "Paulski" again, beat me to the punch. One word i dont like, and feels out of place is "freaking" that doesnt sit well with me. I dont believe im being to helpful here, apologies for that, but its a tough one to review. Its a little  vague in parts, and also quite baffling, but it does have some interesting lines. As i say, i do keep coming back to it, so its got my attention, but in a way im finding hard to explain. Perhaps a comment or two from yourself, would give me a clearer picture.