The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: crystalsuzy on April 15, 2015, 09:22:10 AM
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Here's a bit of a remix and I've changed a few of the lyrics as well ::) I've taken out the direct reference to any particular religions :o Please let me know if it sounds any better :) Thanks
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/in-the-name-of-god-1
I still have these lyrics and I'm wondering if I should try and add them ???
For me God conjures up feelings of compassion, forgiveness,
Acceptance, brotherhood and peace!
Sublime values indeed, so how did we lose this seed?
Have power-mongering dictators, defused the ethics of the creator?
Religious leaders gone astray, in an array of earthly seductions
Leading to their inevitable corruption!
What’s the solution to end this delusion, as we wander on
The edge of chaos, stumbling in the dark, looking for that Eternal spark?
What will end this ruthless insanity
And the endless suffering of humanity!
Are all Monotheistic religions inherently violent?
Or is it because we are not connecting to the silence?
Is a lack of consciousness responsible for this ageless distress?
Or is it just simply, the human condition and it will never end,
Because we refuse to bend? :) :)
::)OK guys, Stepping out of my comfort zone with this one(if I have one) ::)
It's one that I've been working on for a while...I started writing this after the whole 'I am Charlie' thing, but I've kind of come to a place where I'm not sure if it's working or not ??? it's still under construction though, so any suggestions will be welcome. :)
It's an odd combination of heavy rock and spoken word ::)
Do you think it needs a ripping guitar solo ??? How's the mix?
Have I stepped over the line with the subject/lyrics ::) I don't mean to offend anyones religious beliefs...it's just my humble observation of the human condition ::)
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/in-the-name-of-god/s-Sbcft
In the name of God, what have we done ???
I don’t wanna sound accusatory, but it’s time to take an inventory
Of what we’re doing, of what we’ve done?
Religions ruling with a gun…In the name of God!
Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Christianity
This Inter-religious bloodshed is the insanity
Millions have been killed; so much blood has been spilled
In religious wars, fought to the core, over our beliefs, good grief!
No religion is without sin, in this childish battle to win
The most converts and who’s God is the real thing!
Wiping out women and children, as they pillage, an entire village
In the name of God! What God would condone such atrocities?
This animosity between religious perspectives
Is driving a sword through the human collective, it’s so subjective
What’s the prognosis of this collective psychosis?
CHORUS
There’s been some insanity, in the name of Christianity
Crusades, Inquisitions, Reformations, Witch Hunts, Holy Wars
And here’s one that’s right on my back door!
The stealing of land from Native people,
Then making them worship under a steeple
Repentance was their never-ending sentence
Taking away their dignity! Taking away their children!
Ignoring the calamity, that it created within the family
Trapping them in residential schools
How incredibly cruel, so they could be sin free
Just like the white man!
Their ancestral languages were taboo
Destroying their culture as they grew
Sterilization and cultural deprivation
Created quite the sensation along with
Physical, emotional and sexual abuse
There’s absolutely no excuse!
And forcing them to worship a God,
Whose written law, commands us to:
Do unto others, as you would have them do, unto you!
In the name of God, what have we done ???
CHORUS
Oh, and here’s a good one in the name of God!
Men are taught women are inferior and that they are superior
This seems somewhat archaic to me.
They shroud their beauty in prosaic dress; forbid their education
Their dignity’s totally suppressed…what a mess!
And if they step out of line, they’re beaten! What a crime!
What God would condone this belief?
There’s an obvious disconnect, from this disrespect
And then, there are the religious fanatics, the sadistic addicts
Committing gruesome monstrosities; barbaric atrocities!
Appalling acts of violence, suicide bombers with no repentance
Just a death sentence, for innocent people
There’ve been over 25,000 terrorist attacks since 9/11
What in heavens name, is going on?
Are these fanatical radicals, this mutant cartel under some
kind of evil spell? What the hell?
CHORUS
We don’t need no, sick religions, spreading fear amongst us now
We don’t need no, sick religions, spreading fear amongst us all!
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Pretty awesome production. I enjoyed this very much. Your art is always interesting to listen to. I don't have any specific comments to make on this. I would like to see the lyrics in detail, but that is quite a bit to type in. Don't you already have it typed up somewhere that you can just copy and paste from? It's hard to believe that you wouldn't have this written down somewhere, unless you wrote it all out by hand?
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Thundering Bass! There isn't enough Thundering Bass out there!
Not an easy topic to tackle and not a comfortable listen,but then being challenged never is a comfortable experience,nor should it be. If you are going to use a guitar solo it would need to be discordant and off the wall,Queens of the Stone Age type of thing.
Clever and thought provoking,crystalsuzy.
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Hi Suzy,
I find it difficult to critique this style of music. I hink we all lean towards are particular style that we favour.. As for the subject - go for it, don't feel bad about expressing your lyrical ideas and thoughts. I like the spoken word aspect of this. I don't think a guitar solo is needed and to me, it was interesting - easily holding the listeners attention.
By the way, the drums and bass work well together. Certainly sound ok on my iPad speakers.
Paul :)
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HEY SUZY
WOW you really do do things differently
this is some rant, and how many people are there out there that would love to express
their feelings and thoughts like this
I LOVED IT a lot of my thoughts were captured perfectly
I always ask for the lyric as you know cause I love to read the written word to
but I'LL FORGIVE YOU MY CHILD in this case ( did you see what I did there )
as this is a big lyric, very clever suzy with such a tough controversial subject
well done YOU
tony
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Have I stepped over the line with the subject/lyrics ::) I don't mean to offend anyones religious beliefs...it's just my humble observation of the human condition ::)
There are a lot of lyrics, but I can type them out if anyone wants to see them. I think they're pretty easy to follow though :)
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/in-the-name-of-god/s-Sbcft
Regarding "stepping over a line." The only way to NOT "offend anyone's religious beliefs" in today's world is to convert to everyone else's religion. That can't be done of course. And that is what your song is kind of about.
The only way to offend NO ONE, is to say NOTHING.
What you said is important, deep, and (in my opinion) both true and valid.
As you pointed out in your comments on Soundcloud, an extremist minority of religionists cause harm to the very religions they claim to support with their extreme acts. The real problem for religions however is that sincere, moderate practitioners of the religion don't disown the angry, hateful, and counterproductive acts of the extremists for fear of "offending them" and/or restricting their freedoms.
For any religion to prosper (non financial prosperity btw), that religion has to draw a "line in the sand" and refuse to support destructive behaviours that "cross that line."
So really, I view your song as "drawing a line" not "crossing a line."
Others will view it differently of course. Sorry to drone on so long. I really love what you are doing here with this song.
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Great stuff..you should never be afraid to speak out, religion has a lot to answer for..
a great track, very well produced and arranged..must've taken a while to do this..
much respect..Kevin :)
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CS, love the flea bass line it has a real drive with the drums. Had to concentrate all the way through :-)
Really intelligent, cleaver lyrics and rhymes and smart use of sound clips too.
If you're not finished I'd just make sure you don't obscure the audibility of the lyrics.
Dig the Pink Floydisms ending too.
And hate to say this but agree no additional guitar solo is needed...
Like the Chillies meets Tom Tom Club meets Crystal Suzy ;D
Fantastic had to listen again.
:) :)
Neil
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Yeah! Time to take an inventory!!
Nice one CS!
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Pretty awesome production. I enjoyed this very much. Your art is always interesting to listen to. I don't have any specific comments to make on this. I would like to see the lyrics in detail, but that is quite a bit to type in. Don't you already have it typed up somewhere that you can just copy and paste from? It's hard to believe that you wouldn't have this written down somewhere, unless you wrote it all out by hand?
thanks for listening MD and your kind comments :) I've posted the lyrics just for you and Tony :)
I did have them typed, but I had changed some of it as I recorded them, so had to do a little rearranging :o I'm glad you liked it :)
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Thundering Bass! There isn't enough Thundering Bass out there!
Not an easy topic to tackle and not a comfortable listen,but then being challenged never is a comfortable experience,nor should it be. If you are going to use a guitar solo it would need to be discordant and off the wall,Queens of the Stone Age type of thing.
Clever and thought provoking,crystalsuzy.
thanks Skub :) Is the bass is a little too loud? I only use headphones when I mix a song and don't
get to hear it played on good speakers, so sometimes the way I hear it, especially the lower frequencies, is not what other's may hear :o You're right about the guitar solo! :)
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Hi Suzy,
I find it difficult to critique this style of music. I hink we all lean towards are particular style that we favour.. As for the subject - go for it, don't feel bad about expressing your lyrical ideas and thoughts. I like the spoken word aspect of this. I don't think a guitar solo is needed and to me, it was interesting - easily holding the listeners attention.
By the way, the drums and bass work well together. Certainly sound ok on my iPad speakers.
Paul :)
Hi Paul :) thanks for listening and for your thumbs up on expressional freedom :)
This is a totally 'out of my comfort zone genre' so I know what you mean about finding this style difficult to critique :o I'm glad you liked the spoken word bits :) :)
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Hi Suzy, loved the bass and drums! reminded me of a hybrid of tom tom club and Frankie goes to Hollywood ???.Like the idea of challenging the current politically correct attitude to religious beliefs which are becoming more and more political in their attitude and less and less tolerant of other beliefs.
Great idea!
Cheers
Jamie
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HEY SUZY
WOW you really do do things differently
this is some rant, and how many people are there out there that would love to express
their feelings and thoughts like this
I LOVED IT a lot of my thoughts were captured perfectly
I always ask for the lyric as you know cause I love to read the written word to
but I'LL FORGIVE YOU MY CHILD in this case ( did you see what I did there )
as this is a big lyric, very clever suzy with such a tough controversial subject
well done YOU
tony
Thanks tony and as of today, I've posted the lyrics just for you and MD :-[ I'm delighted they rang
true for you and thank you for 'YOUR FORGIVENESS"...I'll cherish that forever :) :)
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Have I stepped over the line with the subject/lyrics ::) I don't mean to offend anyones religious beliefs...it's just my humble observation of the human condition ::)
There are a lot of lyrics, but I can type them out if anyone wants to see them. I think they're pretty easy to follow though :)
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/in-the-name-of-god/s-Sbcft
Regarding "stepping over a line." The only way to NOT "offend anyone's religious beliefs" in today's world is to convert to everyone else's religion. That can't be done of course. And that is what your song is kind of about.
The only way to offend NO ONE, is to say NOTHING.
What you said is important, deep, and (in my opinion) both true and valid.
As you pointed out in your comments on Soundcloud, an extremist minority of religionists cause harm to the very religions they claim to support with their extreme acts. The real problem for religions however is that sincere, moderate practitioners of the religion don't disown the angry, hateful, and counterproductive acts of the extremists for fear of "offending them" and/or restricting their freedoms.
For any religion to prosper (non financial prosperity btw), that religion has to draw a "line in the sand" and refuse to support destructive behaviours that "cross that line."
So really, I view your song as "drawing a line" not "crossing a line."
Others will view it differently of course. Sorry to drone on so long. I really love what you are doing here with this song.
Thanks so much for taking the time to state your point of view, on this very delicate subject HTM :)
this song has been brewing in me for a long time...long before the "I am Charlie" tragedy :(
So it feels good to finally get something down, even if it's not fully complete yet :o I actually left out a lot of what I had originally written, but had to 'draw the line' somewhere on this rant :)
Thanks for your support :)
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Hi Suzy,
Intelligent, clever and right. A lot of great wordplay, rhyming schemes and lovely juxtapositions lyrically. Reminded me of the lyrically density and wisdom of Joni Mitchell but with a slapped bass!
There is a lot going on - a maelstrom of ideas blowing through the track - but it works on it's own terms. It certainly doesn't need a guitar solo.
If only everyone in the world could have your perspective on religion, it could be a garden of Eden instead of a sewer of hate.
Brilliant track. Loved it.
M
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WOOOOOOOW SUZY
very impressive write for such a topic
you really have put a lot of work into this lyric
a big write by any standards but worked so well
MASSIVE THANKS FOR POSTING THE LYRIC LOVED THE READ AS MUCH AS THE SONG
well done suzy BLEES YOU CHILD
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Thank you very much Suzy for posting the lyrics. I enjoyed the piece even better having the lyrics to read.
Now, may I ask if I can post your lyrics and a link to your SoundCloud page on a "Secular/Theism Debate Forum"?
I'm sure they would LOVE this. ;D
They actually have a "Music" subforum and this would fit right in to their theme of things.
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Hi Suzy,
Bravo. Lyrically very good, very well produced, I like this kind of thing. Personally I would have liked to have heard some really big live drums. I know this drum sound is very modern but a big live kit is just my own personal preference. Other than that nothing to critique. And I noticed the wee tip of your hat to our old friend Mr. Waters in there too ;)
Very well done, I'd just have liked a bigger production if that makes sense, because it's got all the right ingredients, but like I said that's just personal preference.
Mark
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Great stuff..you should never be afraid to speak out, religion has a lot to answer for..
a great track, very well produced and arranged..must've taken a while to do this..
much respect..Kevin :)
thanks for listening and taking the time to comment Kevin :) I'm glad you agree and yes this
track has taken a lot of time and is still on the burner ::) ::)
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CS, love the flea bass line it has a real drive with the drums. Had to concentrate all the way through :-)
Really intelligent, cleaver lyrics and rhymes and smart use of sound clips too.
If you're not finished I'd just make sure you don't obscure the audibility of the lyrics.
Dig the Pink Floydisms ending too.
And hate to say this but agree no additional guitar solo is needed...
Like the Chillies meets Tom Tom Club meets Crystal Suzy ;D
Fantastic had to listen again.
:) :)
Neil
Thanks so much for your review Neil :) I know I have a lot of effects on the vocals, so you're right,
I must try to keep them clear ::) Glad you dig the PF ending...wasn't too sure if I should do that or not :-\
I'm still working on this...adding/subtracting bits here and there, so will post the new version asap :)
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Yeah! Time to take an inventory!!
Nice one CS!
Thanks for listening Paul :) Problem is, we need the religious groups to take the inventory, which I'm sure some have done, but not the ones that really need to :) :)
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Hi Suzy, loved the bass and drums! reminded me of a hybrid of tom tom club and Frankie goes to Hollywood ???.Like the idea of challenging the current politically correct attitude to religious beliefs which are becoming more and more political in their attitude and less and less tolerant of other beliefs.
Great idea!
Cheers
Jamie
Thanks Jamie :) I think music can be a very powerful weapon in the war against this kind of thing,
but getting it out there is a whole different ball-game :)
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Hi Suzy,
Intelligent, clever and right. A lot of great wordplay, rhyming schemes and lovely juxtapositions lyrically. Reminded me of the lyrically density and wisdom of Joni Mitchell but with a slapped bass!
There is a lot going on - a maelstrom of ideas blowing through the track - but it works on it's own terms. It certainly doesn't need a guitar solo.
If only everyone in the world could have your perspective on religion, it could be a garden of Eden instead of a sewer of hate.
Brilliant track. Loved it.
M
Thanks very much Alan for your very supportive words :) "Joni Mitchell"...Wow! that's a real
compliment...I love her stuff :)
I pray for the awakening of humanity, so that we will all see the ridiculousness of some of our beliefs :o :o
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Thank you very much Suzy for posting the lyrics. I enjoyed the piece even better having the lyrics to read.
Now, may I ask if I can post your lyrics and a link to your SoundCloud page on a "Secular/Theism Debate Forum"?
I'm sure they would LOVE this. ;D
They actually have a "Music" subforum and this would fit right in to their theme of things.
Thanks again MD :) Certainly, but give me a few days, because I'm reworking some of this song ::) There are some lyrics that I didn't have in this 1st version that I think I'd like to add, but still trying to figure out how, and if I should take something else out ::)
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Hi Suzy,
Bravo. Lyrically very good, very well produced, I like this kind of thing. Personally I would have liked to have heard some really big live drums. I know this drum sound is very modern but a big live kit is just my own personal preference. Other than that nothing to critique. And I noticed the wee tip of your hat to our old friend Mr. Waters in there too ;)
Very well done, I'd just have liked a bigger production if that makes sense, because it's got all the right ingredients, but like I said that's just personal preference.
Mark
Thanks so much Mark :) I'm glad you liked this...means a lot coming from you :) I wish I had some live drums at my disposal :o
I'd love to do a bigger production of this, but I'm just not skilled enough ::)
If you're ever bored and want a challenge, let me know :) :)
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Thanks again MD :) Certainly, but give me a few days, because I'm reworking some of this song ::)
I await the edited version with bated breath.
There are some lyrics that I didn't have in this 1st version that I think I'd like to add, but still trying to figure out how, and if I should take something else out ::)
No, no, no! Don't take anything out, it's perfect so far. ;)
If you're going to add more just make it longer. ;D
I would love to see a guitar solo thrown in too somewhere, not that it's 'needed' but it would just be cool. I personally have no problem with long pieces so I wouldn't think about it being too long. It's interesting enough that it will easily keep attention to the very end.
I can't speak much to the music part. I like the music and background vocal effects you are using. As far as mix is concerned I'm sure that could be improved. This song deserves to be done up professionally and distributed throughout the world.
I would personally like to see the vocals a bit more crisp and out front to where it's really easy to hear what's being said. I think it's a message that needs to be heard.
It would be great if some well-known professional group or singer would grab onto this and take it to the stars. It really needs to be played worldwide for a while.
I think you really did a great job with this. It says what needs to be said without sounding the least bit offensive. At least, that's my assessment. ;D
I humbly bow to your awesome music composition and lyrical skills.
(http://assets.motherboard.tv/post_images/assets/000/007/352/genie_original.gif?1290198990)
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How surprising you are, great ball of fire! ;D
I don't think of it as a song, I don't know what it is...
It keeps the ear stuck, waiting for the next line.
I don't know if I could say something to help, it just fits.
Damn you're creative.
Nono.
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Thanks again MD :) Certainly, but give me a few days, because I'm reworking some of this song ::)
I await the edited version with bated breath.
There are some lyrics that I didn't have in this 1st version that I think I'd like to add, but still trying to figure out how, and if I should take something else out ::)
No, no, no! Don't take anything out, it's perfect so far. ;)
If you're going to add more just make it longer. ;D
I would love to see a guitar solo thrown in too somewhere, not that it's 'needed' but it would just be cool. I personally have no problem with long pieces so I wouldn't think about it being too long. It's interesting enough that it will easily keep attention to the very end.
I can't speak much to the music part. I like the music and background vocal effects you are using. As far as mix is concerned I'm sure that could be improved. This song deserves to be done up professionally and distributed throughout the world.
I would personally like to see the vocals a bit more crisp and out front to where it's really easy to hear what's being said. I think it's a message that needs to be heard.
It would be great if some well-known professional group or singer would grab onto this and take it to the stars. It really needs to be played worldwide for a while.
I think you really did a great job with this. It says what needs to be said without sounding the least bit offensive. At least, that's my assessment. ;D
I humbly bow to your awesome music composition and lyrical skills.
(http://assets.motherboard.tv/post_images/assets/000/007/352/genie_original.gif?1290198990)
Where did you get that genie icon ??? it's fabulous :) Thanks again for your vote of confidence MD :) I wish I could get this done up professionally :o wouldn't that be a hoot ;D but I fear that isn't going to be the case :( so I guess I'll just keep working on it...I've done a bit of a remix, so will post it asap and someone has offered to add a solo guitar...just to see if it works so we'll see what comes of that :)
Thanks so much for your interest in this song, and I haven't forgotten about your reguest :) :)
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Yippee-ki-yay....! This was right up my alley. Love, love, love the lyrics! I once wrote a song touching the same subject but compare to this hurricane of anger and frustration it was just a mild breeze! Extremely powerful and well written.
The electronica-ish arrangement and production works very well for this and I absolutely love all the things going on with the backing vocals, especially the opera-ish parts. My only concern would be the slap bass (to me, if you want to hit your instrument, be a drummer and leave the poor bass alone) but that just probably just my very personal aversion towards that particular playing technique so you should probably just ignore this since it surely drives the track forward very effectively.
Btw, I thing you could turn up that bass in the intro (that also comes back midways somewhere) way up loud :-)
For some reason this song reminds me of an old Hawkwind song that I no longer remember the name of. :-(
As I said the current version works very well, but I can also imaging a heavier and more aggressive version, maybe a little in the vein of Killing in the name by Rage Against Machine (but even heavier with more guitars).
By far the best I'v heard from you (yet!)
5 out of 5 Jambrains from the Swedish jury!
/Johan
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WOW CS ;D ;D
This is soooo gooood ;D ;D
Love the sentiment....with you all the way ;D
Great arrangement. Your gtr player nailed this one,
amazing playing, right on the money. Your style,
and delivery is unique.........well, I've never heard
anything quite like it......and it always keeps my
attention. Original, creative and exciting. Just
loved it.
xx
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It reminds me of really early Red Hot Chili Peppers mashed with the madness Kate Bush or Bjork. Its quirky and I can see how it won't be to everyone's taste - but I think its great. I think the lyrics are great. It's totally ambitious and out-of-character from the other songs of yours I've heard. For me it works a treat. I wouldn't change anything about it. ;D
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HI CS,
I think this is very good. I like the way the musical background to the verses change to reflect the lyrics. I like the bass but I'd have liked it to have been a bit more bass heavy with the lower frequencies coming through. That may be my headphones and system though. Loved the tip to the B52s.
I agree, no need for a guitar solo.
Keith
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I'm still waiting with bated breath for the final release. This is an absolute masterpiece of linguistic and musical artwork. It doesn't really need any changes. It's going to be a world-wide hit already just as it is.
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Great !! It kicked Ass ;D
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great words and vocals suzy,
sadly not a fantasy either..
love the background which funnily enough has the reverb of a cathedral..!
sounds superb, rattles along lovely..metal bass works brilliantly too ..
i wasnt that keen on the floyd reference but thats me
immense achievement getting this down
think youve nailed it
reminds me a lot of king crimsons elephant talk which is quite something ..
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BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
Ok, before everyone gets all bent out of shape allow me to explain.
This thread was already at the top of the queue when I posted this. So I didn't bump anything anywhere.
I'm just so excited about this song I can't contain myself. ;D
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Yippee-ki-yay....! This was right up my alley. Love, love, love the lyrics! I once wrote a song touching the same subject but compare to this hurricane of anger and frustration it was just a mild breeze! Extremely powerful and well written.
The electronica-ish arrangement and production works very well for this and I absolutely love all the things going on with the backing vocals, especially the opera-ish parts. My only concern would be the slap bass (to me, if you want to hit your instrument, be a drummer and leave the poor bass alone) but that just probably just my very personal aversion towards that particular playing technique so you should probably just ignore this since it surely drives the track forward very effectively.
Btw, I thing you could turn up that bass in the intro (that also comes back midways somewhere) way up loud :-)
For some reason this song reminds me of an old Hawkwind song that I no longer remember the name of. :-(
As I said the current version works very well, but I can also imaging a heavier and more aggressive version, maybe a little in the vein of Killing in the name by Rage Against Machine (but even heavier with more guitars).
By far the best I'v heard from you (yet!)
5 out of 5 Jambrains from the Swedish jury!
/Johan
Thanks so much Johan :) I'm humbled by your comments :) I've done a bit of a remix and added even more backing track effects :o I hope I haven't overdone it ::) thanks for the thumbs up on the lyrics...I had more and I'm still pondering how to add them, or if I should :o
5 out of 5...can't beat that :) :)
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5 out of 5...can't beat that :) :)
Don't be so sure, the volume knob on my amp goes to 11.... ;D
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WOW CS ;D ;D
This is soooo gooood ;D ;D
Love the sentiment....with you all the way ;D
Great arrangement. Your gtr player nailed this one,
amazing playing, right on the money. Your style,
and delivery is unique.........well, I've never heard
anything quite like it......and it always keeps my
attention. Original, creative and exciting. Just
loved it.
xx
Thanks so much Bin :) I'm delighted that you agree and that it kept your attention, because this
one is all about the message :) If you get a chance, let me know if you think the remix is
any better ???
thanks again :)
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Both are good!! I have no problem with direct references to particular religions..they should be held accountable..
this song is an awesome statement..well done,
best, Kevin
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CS,
Unaware of this song until this remix and I'm writing my first post in months to say I think it's wonderful. Full of energy and enough lyrics to last a week! On only one listen I was hooked. Particularly enjoyed the spoken opening line followed by a sung version of the opening line. I didn't explain that very well but you get the idea? Then that blistering bass hit me in the face! Lots a lots of incidental stuff going on in the background beautifully mixed in.
I really enjoyed the nod to Floyd at the end.
So, sorry it's a lame review but you just may have dragged me out of song-sharing retirement!
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Awesome how you did this in an 'not-usual'-way, it's really your style I think.
I have to say, normally this kind of stuff really of freaks me out, but I couldn't stop listening and that's very special! Nice job :)
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It reminds me of really early Red Hot Chili Peppers mashed with the madness Kate Bush or Bjork. Its quirky and I can see how it won't be to everyone's taste - but I think its great. I think the lyrics are great. It's totally ambitious and out-of-character from the other songs of yours I've heard. For me it works a treat. I wouldn't change anything about it. ;D
Thanks so much D :) I'm humbled by your references and yes, I really stepped out of my
comfort zone with this one :) :)
HI CS,
I think this is very good. I like the way the musical background to the verses change to reflect the lyrics. I like the bass but I'd have liked it to have been a bit more bass heavy with the lower frequencies coming through. That may be my headphones and system though. Loved the tip to the B52s.
I agree, no need for a guitar solo.
Keith
Thanks for noticing the background music and how it reflects the lyrics Keith :)
I think you're right about having a lower end bass :)
great words and vocals suzy,
sadly not a fantasy either..
love the background which funnily enough has the reverb of a cathedral..!
sounds superb, rattles along lovely..metal bass works brilliantly too ..
i wasnt that keen on the floyd reference but thats me
immense achievement getting this down
think youve nailed it
reminds me a lot of king crimsons elephant talk which is quite something ..
Thanks for the thumbs up on the lyrics Nooms :) I wish it was a fantasy :( My partner didn't like the
PF thing either, but I couldn't resist :o
Great !! It kicked Ass ;D
Thanks Andy :) Can't get a better compliment than "kick ass!" :)
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
Ok, before everyone gets all bent out of shape allow me to explain.
This thread was already at the top of the queue when I posted this. So I didn't bump anything anywhere.
I'm just so excited about this song I can't contain myself. ;D
You're so sweet MD :-* :-*
Both are good!! I have no problem with direct references to particular religions..they should be held accountable..
this song is an awesome statement..well done,
best, Kevin
Thanks for the thumbs up on that Kevin, and I agree :o but someone thought I shouldn't reference particular religions, so I got cold feet, so I took it out in the remix ::) maybe I'll leave it in...I'm still undecided about which version I like best and I haven't had much feedback, so I guess I'm on my own :o :o
CS,
Unaware of this song until this remix and I'm writing my first post in months to say I think it's wonderful. Full of energy and enough lyrics to last a week! On only one listen I was hooked. Particularly enjoyed the spoken opening line followed by a sung version of the opening line. I didn't explain that very well but you get the idea? Then that blistering bass hit me in the face! Lots a lots of incidental stuff going on in the background beautifully mixed in.
I really enjoyed the nod to Floyd at the end.
So, sorry it's a lame review but you just may have dragged me out of song-sharing retirement!
Welcome back ShinyThang :) I'm delighted to be the one to bring you out of silence :) and so happy my song hooked you in :) That part you're talking about happened quite accidentally, but it's one of my fav parts of the song, so thanks for noticing, and you have nothing to be sorry about in regards to your review :) I loved it :)
Awesome how you did this in an 'not-usual'-way, it's really your style I think.
I have to say, normally this kind of stuff really of freaks me out, but I couldn't stop listening and that's very special! Nice job :)
thanks Anike :) I'm glad this didn't freak and that you and that you got into it :) That means everything to me :)
I'm so happy that I finally figured out how to do multiple quotes ;D ;D
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This is an interesting beast is it not!
The spoken poetry against the backing is just perfect. And any humanist rant will play right into my hand.
The bass and drums sit nicely aside one another. Very crisp
Loving hearing your accent come through
The sung section, on the alternating two noted with the harmony, is oddly discordant in a very deliberate way. It is awkward on first hearing, as often your melodies and harmonies are. Part of me wished you'd go just a LITTLE closer to standard pitchings and melodic/harmonic lines. But part of me worries this would take away some of the madness that is a big draw of your charm.
The "occasional" instrument lines, such as the Egyptian style lick in the second half, are great little additions.
I love the stanza about the native Americans.
Quick Note - it is only in the modern Judea-Christian-Muslim line of religions that teach that women are (increasingly) lesser than Men. Pagans worshipped women as givers of love and life. Shame that, when pinching the calendar from the Pagans, these religions forget to pinch that part too
You mention "archaic" attitude towards women. Archaic would actually be more positive ;)
Beware the lawsuit from Pink Floyd too. They'll want all your pennies ;)
You sometimes make Kate Bush seem like three chord pop ;)
James x
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This is an interesting beast is it not!
The spoken poetry against the backing is just perfect. And any humanist rant will play right into my hand.
The bass and drums sit nicely aside one another. Very crisp
Loving hearing your accent come through
The sung section, on the alternating two noted with the harmony, is oddly discordant in a very deliberate way. It is awkward on first hearing, as often your melodies and harmonies are. Part of me wished you'd go just a LITTLE closer to standard pitchings and melodic/harmonic lines. But part of me worries this would take away some of the madness that is a big draw of your charm.
The "occasional" instrument lines, such as the Egyptian style lick in the second half, are great little additions.
I love the stanza about the native Americans.
Quick Note - it is only in the modern Judea-Christian-Muslim line of religions that teach that women are (increasingly) lesser than Men. Pagans worshipped women as givers of love and life. Shame that, when pinching the calendar from the Pagans, these religions forget to pinch that part too
You mention "archaic" attitude towards women. Archaic would actually be more positive ;)
Beware the lawsuit from Pink Floyd too. They'll want all your pennies ;)
You sometimes make Kate Bush seem like three chord pop ;)
James x
Thanks so much James...I really appreciate your thoughts on this piece...it is an odd beast
indeed ::)
I know what you mean about the harmony sounding a little off in the chorus, and I actually did try
to get it closer pitch wise, but it seem to loose some of the edge somehow ::) Maybe I should try again :-\
I never think of myself as having an accent ;D
"Pagans worshipped women as givers of love and life" :) They were definitely more evolved than some of the so called, modern religions, so in that respect, you're absolutely right about 'archaic' being more of a positive attribute :o hmmm?
I'm glad you liked the bit about the Natives...it's very close to home, so I felt compelled to go on with that atrocity a little longer :(
Hopefully Floyd won't come after me :o LOL on the Kate Bush comment ;D ;D
Thanks again for taking the time to listen James :) CS
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Very strange but powerful words, for me its a bit too weird, but you're very good at words, I don't think you should be worried about offending people, who cares? its their choice to be offended, very original work, well done!
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I have an interesting observation regarding my own reaction to this as I listened.
First of all... yes, this is MUCH better. The lyrical changes you made are improvements. The music is far more cohesive and listenable. . . but still leaves the lyric "in charge" as it must. This had gotten REALLY good.
Now, regarding my reaction. I got so caught up in the marvelous artistry of the music, lyric, and song that I caught myself with a huge smile on my face in spite of the dreary lyric. That (of course) will fade to a non-problem with future listens. But it IS something that sort of "led me away" from the mood you were intending to create.
I wouldn't change anything. People can appreciate the artistry and THEN focus on the lyric. It's kind of how most of us listen to music anyway.