The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Yodasdad on January 18, 2020, 08:50:23 PM
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For those of you that just want to get to the song, here it is:
https://soundcloud.com/user-479794667/mountain-m-blair-2021
Been getting on for a year I think since I finished a song, for one reason or another. This one was almost reaady to go a few weeks ago, until I developed sinusitis with blocked ears and couldn't hear to finsih the mix.
Still got it, although not as bad but I'm tired of sitting around waiting for it to clear, so I thought I'd just do what I can to get this done, and I'm sure you guys will tell me where I've gone wrong.
Any comments regarding the song, mix or whatever, gratefully received.
Thanks
Yodasdad
Mountain - © M Blair 2020
V
Tear down all the years of regret that I’ve stockpiled like a barricade.
I’m not quite the big monster yet
Theres still a part of me that
you can save
See me through the eyes of child
Forget what you think you know
through the years so many tears I’ve held within I’m drowning here in my own skin
V
Testify elsewhere if it helps you survive the pressure of the wreck thats me.
Ask the questions you know I fear
I might not answer but it’s good to hear
I never knew that I was so fragile
I thought I could beat them all
How could I appear so strong when all along
I’ve hidden that I feel so small.
C
I’m on a mountain
Looking down at the world below
I don’t know how I got up here
But I’m scared that I just might let go
Is this my destiny, to be constantly barely holding on
V
Running through the fields in my head
the ones I played in as a little child
They’re the only place to escape to
When the darkness starts to take the fight
Voices tell me you are my saviour
I won’t need to play there long
That you will lead us down the road and safely home
But can you bear the weight of my blackened soul
Mid 8
Who would miss you
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@Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208) , listening on ipods, so any citique is based on those Im afraid...
Noticed a popping P near the start, nice structure, might benefit from more BVs in the verses, so much texture they could bring, maybe pare back the drums a little it sounded to me like tour lvox was fighting them.
Maybe the double track the lvox line and pull the 2nd track back a little, swing it a hair off centre, and add more delay than on your lvox( i think there is a bit on that, or verb i can’t quite tell), and maybe a bit of verb and comp on the master buss but not much at all, might give a little something, glue, as it were.
It just sounds like the LVox are loud enough in some parts and not others...maybe a vocal rider, i can hear that the lvox were at least 2 tracks, maybe check the relative levels.
Could have a couple fo crunch gtrs as you used about 3:48, sounds more balanced around there.
Just out interest, how was the bass gtr recorded?
Great job. man, lots of nice touches, stopping drums, changing key...
Hope your sinisus clear, thats a real bummer.
Hope this helps
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Very good song, really enjoyed it..good arrangement and good singing, I have one crit regarding the vocal, there is a very raspy frequency on your vocal around the 3 ish Khz area, if you notched that out with a dynamic eq the vocal would be much smoother...however, if it's there on purpose please ignore me...just trying to help :)
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Good work on this track, agree with the above comments this is a gem with some tweaking .....:)
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Those spam comments on Soundcloud are hilarious. Of course you are a genius and they knew that probably without even listening to your track!
Anyhow, I do like your voice, and its technical variations, and it sits well on this mostly delicate rock track - that comes alive with a soaring chorus and fab build. Like The Verve met the Hollies of old. Good stuff mate
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WOW Martin! this is amazing! I'm so glad you decided to share this with us. It's sounds pretty darn awesome to me 8)
Love how it kicks in around 60sec and continues to build and ebb 8) Your vocals are so powerful! I always envy people who can sing like this :)
I hope your sinuses have cleared up. I have chronic sinus problems, so I know how you feel :'(
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Hi
Cool ballad. Like the build from piano into guitar (would like the guitar a touch louder.)
Drums sound good to me - especially the toms (well they sound like toms.)
Vocals carry the song very well.
Strong chorus melodies.
I;m getting 80s and 90s power ballad mixed with indie. A good choice.
Top stuff.
Digger
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Hi, very good song sung very nicely. And here it comes......the key change ;). I think it could have been revved up a bit with some chunky rock guitars coming in to add to the build.The only thing that struck me negatively was the tone of the guitars in the chorus, sounded a bit 'thin' to me, but that's minor and only my opinion :P.
Very good
Cheers
Jamie
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Hey Yodasdad, it is great to have you back on the boards. We have missed you around these parts. This track is classic YD: epic vocals, big build throughout, very well sculpted to ramp up the tension then release. The key change worked very well for me (it didn't feel forced or obvious) and I liked the no-nonsense finish too. No crits, all claps.
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Hey YD, great to see you back. That chorus is fab - shows of your vocal range too. My only small comment would be that it seemed that your vocal felt a bit "pushed" during the verses - I think I somehow wanted a slightly more relaxed delivery as a contrast to the more belty choruses.
But it's really well crafted, key change and all - very dramatic and memorable.
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Great to hear from you...this is a timely reminder of just how good you are!
Maybe i wondered if the drums were a little busy and made you hurry the delivery a touch?
But that's scraping the barrel of finding something constructive to say :-)
Super vocals and a really good listen...
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Hi Martin,
Mix sounds fine to me - perhaps you should block your sinuses more often!
This is a very good piece of music. There is a bit of the melody on this bit :
"But I’m scared that I just might let go
Is this my destiny, to be constantly barely holding on"
that sounds a little like "Keep On Loving You" by REO Speedwagon but as long as nobody tell them, you should be OK :-)
You have so many ideas and little pieces of arrangement that makes this an ever moving, shifting piece which holds the attention very effectively. Great vocals as well. I liked it.
M
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Hey man! Great to have u back. U sang the shit out of this great stuff buddy. Excellent bridge, I want sure about the key change at first...mainly cos it's not the key I would have gone to, but hey, who wants their songs to be predictable right? Anyway, that slight non issue settled for me on another listen. Great job man.😁🎶👊🏻🎶
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Really liked this Martin. Great ambience and atmospherics together with top quality instrumentation, production and fabulous vocals. No nits from me whatsoever !
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Hi @Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208)
It is a kind of song that, because of its important and beautiful lyrics, I would not know how to do otherwise than how you have put it together.
Very good work and very good lyrics ...
Mora
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@Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208) ,
It's difficult to appraise something that is so polished. I had to initially get a little used to one or two of the vocal intervals in the early verse sections as they were not what I was expecting. I thought the melody meandered a little at first but by the time all instruments were added, it all glued together in a very coherent manner and I loved the way the song peaked with that beautiful chorus. I'm a little unsure of the m8 musical section (possibly because there is a feast of ideas and sometimes, less is more) but the key change at the end is quite marvellous and the lyrics are crammed with integrity! Overall, a quality song that could soar even higher with a little editing here and there.
Quality!
Paul