[Peppermint]

Rewritten song is lower down the page  


Hey everyone,

Here is a song I was writing for the competition.
However i don't think it will be completed in time for competition but I thought I would share it with you anyway.

It's about a girl who was in a bad relationship with someone who she has now left.
However the boyfriend is haunting her in her sleep and giving her bad dreams hence the name of the song  

Hope you like it.
Peppermint

Bad Dreams

VERSE 1
Every time I try to sleep,
I can't stop myself from shaking,
At all the memories of you,
caught in my mind.

VERSE 2
From the I moment I close my eyes,
You're there and your waiting,
Ready to give me nightmares for ever,
Letting you go.

CHORUS
You always,
Haunt me in my dreams,
Scaring me to the extremes,
Causing wars between my heart and my mind,

But tell me how could you be so unkind,
As to play with someones mind,
And destroy the peacefulness,
Of all of their dreams,

BRIDGE
All of these dreams,
They drive me away,
From ever making up with you someday,

[MartiMedia]

Great to read your approach to this subject! Wow this is going to be a super competition!
What style do you intend the accompaniing (is that correct english?) song to be? IMO this could be a great Trance track!
I like you kept the message simple, I think everybody recognizes a feeling like this in some way. MM

[Peppermint]

Great to read your approach to this subject! Wow this is going to be a super competition!
What style do you intend the accompaniing (is that correct english?) song to be? IMO this could be a great Trance track!
I like you kept the message simple, I think everybody recognizes a feeling like this in some way. MM

Thanks for the reply MartiMedia

Not sure what type of song I was intending to write it for.
Was thinking more towards a little pop number or something for it.
A Trance version of the song could be interesting though lol 

Peppermint

[MartiMedia]

Hey PM, what can you play/produce musically? When I read your lyrics they reminded me of a collab I've done with a guy that calls himself SoulAktor: https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/signals-demo-collaboration-of-martimedia-and-soulaktor
He made the trance track, I sung his lyrics. He has more tunes that need vocals (and maybe lyrics). But just to give you an idea what I felt reading your lyrics. I think trance is a great style for your words! Martijn.

[hardtwistmusic]

Hey everyone,

Here is a song I was writing for the competition.
However i don't think it will be completed in time for competition but I thought I would share it with you anyway.

It's about a girl who was in a bad relationship with someone who she has now left.
However the boyfriend is haunting her in her sleep and giving her bad dreams hence the name of the song  

It appeared to me that the following two lines need a little more tinkering.  Neither seemed to me to be as "smooth" as they needed to be. 

Aside from those two lines, I thought this was absolutely top notch. 

"Scaring me to the extremes,"


"From ever making up with you someday,"

[Peppermint]

Hey PM, what can you play/produce musically? When I read your lyrics they reminded me of a collab I've done with a guy that calls himself SoulAktor: https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/signals-demo-collaboration-of-martimedia-and-soulaktor
He made the trance track, I sung his lyrics. He has more tunes that need vocals (and maybe lyrics). But just to give you an idea what I felt reading your lyrics. I think trance is a great style for your words! Martijn.

Hello Martimedia,

Cant really play or produce anything musically  I have tried in the past though.
I had a listen to the song in the link that you sent and yes I think maybe now it could work as a trance track rather then a pop song.

Hardtwistmusic thanks for the feedback and i will have a go at rewriting them two lines 
to be honest i did struggle on them two lines and it seems to have shown.

Peppermint

[Paulski]

Hi Peppermint

Yeah this is good!
I like it's simplicity - he's causing her to have nightmares.
Doesn't need to be complicated in words, but you can sense the complexities in the relationship/breakup.
Will make a great pop song IMO.

Paul

[Peppermint]

Hey everyone,

I've decided to have a little rewrite of it (hopefully for the better)  

VERSE 1
Every time I try to sleep,
I can't stop myself from shaking,
At the memories of you,
caught in my mind.

VERSE 2
From the I moment I close my eyes,
You're always there and your waiting,
To give me nightmares for ever,
Letting you go.

CHORUS

Bad dreams,
Wait here within my mind,
All these pictures of you,
I thought I'd left behind,
When I left you?

Oh and why am I still shaking?
From these dreams my mind is making.


BRIDGE

Was I so wrong,
to have ever let you go?
should I have gave us time,
for our love to grow?

And if I did,
would you not haunt me now?
Would we have made it through,
The pain somehow?


CHORUS/OUTRO

Bad dreams,
Wait here within my mind,
All these pictures of you,
I thought I'd left behind.
When I left you.

Oh, and why am I still shaking?
From these dreams my mind is making.

[Neil C]

Peppermint,
A couple of small thoughts for your to consider.
V1 the second line to help is scan more easily with the first. I think i'd would sung as 'I can't stop myself from shaking'
V2 the second line again, I'd say 'You're always there and waiting'

Please feel free to ignore.

Paulski, interesting I read it from a male perspective, you read it from a females...

 
Neil

[MartiMedia]

Hi Peppermint, nice iteration! Again I'm not a native english speaker, but what I feel is that you've taken a more positive approach on the subject and put a little more negative energy into the bridge . That works better for me now (but that's really subjective of course) because I experience bridges as new 'views' to the same 'situation' in the world you're describing. Well done!! Did you find a musical partner in the meantime to realise this song? MM

[Peppermint]

Peppermint,
A couple of small thoughts for your to consider.
V1 the second line to help is scan more easily with the first. I think i'd would sung as 'I can't stop myself from shaking'
V2 the second line again, I'd say 'You're always there and waiting'

Please feel free to ignore.

Paulski, interesting I read it from a male perspective, you read it from a females...

 
Neil

Hello Neil,

Thanks for taking the time to review my lyrics
I agree with the slight changes to them two lines and I've decided to change them.

Peppermint

[Peppermint]

Hi Peppermint, nice iteration! Again I'm not a native english speaker, but what I feel is that you've taken a more positive approach on the subject and put a little more negative energy into the bridge . That works better for me now (but that's really subjective of course) because I experience bridges as new 'views' to the same 'situation' in the world you're describing. Well done!! Did you find a musical partner in the meantime to realise this song? MM

Hello MartiMedia,

Thanks for the feedback,
Glad you like the changes to it.

Still not found a partner to help me enter it for the competition yet though
Hopefully someone will come forward soon.

Peppermint 

[Peppermint]

Hello everyone,

Decided to change the chorus slightly above from

CHORUS

Bad dreams,
Wait here within my mind,
These pictures of you,
I thought I'd left behind.

So tell why am I,
still shaking?
From the dreams,
My mind is making.

to.........

Bad dreams
Wait here within my mind.
All these pictures of you,
I thought I'd left behind.
When I left you.

Oh and why am I still shaking?,
From these dreams my mind is making.

[Newgod]

Hi its Newgod
well the hurt in love emos are clear in this song, I guess you could have worked a bit up on the rhyming, not that its always important but they are a very good addition to any song,
the song is clear and it does trigger the emos that you need for such type of songs but you could always make the emos stronger, that would be good too,
anyways its nice keep up and keep smiling