The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on May 31, 2021, 09:01:45 AM
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Hello
Please don't get excited thinking it's another great song from Jambrains and Karen! I borrowed their name to use as a lyric, as it is such a super line.
I wrote this when I got the headline "Whirlwind Romance" in the Headline Challenge...which made me think of "Slaughterhouse Five" by Kurt Vonnegut which I read a few years ago...Imagining two people literally thrown together in the firestorm that happened during the bombing of Dresden in 1945. I don't have any particular comment to make about it...except to pray that nothing like that ever happens again.
I made a clumsy video for it here…
https://vimeo.com/manage/videos/584226430
I had to re-record some vocals as they were pretty ropey...even by my standards :) So I updated the original Soundcloud file...
Whirlwind Romance (Ashes for Dreams)
A whirlwind romance threw me into your arms
Wedding bells morph into fire alarms
We dance over rubble. The siren, she calls
Our shadows flicker on bomb shelter walls
In the heat of the moment our hearts set ablaze
An overhead Rolls Royce Orchestra plays
Our guests now depart and at last we’re alone
Together forever as charcoal and bone
A whirlwind romance but It’s not as it seems
Our footprints are carbon. We have ashes for dreams
I've been really impressed with all the Headline Challenge entries...thanks again to John and all the folks involved for making it happen!
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Jola @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
I loooove piano sound, when I wa child I was practicing everywhere with my hands as if I was playing piano... It was just my imagination, it's now when I learned a bit to play timid note...
I think you managed to make a catchy song, very easy to follow and dance to, but not over rubble hahaha
I liked it, the mix sounds good, I love the bass and the tone changes you bring lighten the atmosphere, so, very good track!!
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Lovely song. Another great contribution to the challenge. You say it needs more work - maybe a bit of tweaking and tidying - but what's here is excellent. Great vocal and a memorable hook. Really enjoyed it. :)
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Hi @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
That piano and bass intro is gorgeous and the lyrics are brilliant. Such spare lyrics but so effective in conjuring up the images and telling the story "Rolls Royce orchestra" is a brilliant description of the fighter plane engines. You just never fail to amaze me with your skill, imagination and musicianship. Excellent and it doesn't need anything else.
M
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Hi Paul, another lyrical triumph.I could visualise a black and white video with people dancing in an afternoon tea dance sort of thing smiling etc .That was what the musical style made me thing of with you singing in a Dinner suit and bow tie.
Nice one!
Jamie
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Thought provoking clever lyrics as always @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) which together with that beautiful piano hook creates different thoughts and emotions. Your songs work on so many levels.. they're always interesting and bloody clever. Listened to this a few times before I saw the video and the images give a whole new perspective to the song in my head. Only recently pre covid visited Berlin and I love the place. It's built on and risen above the ashes of its past. Marvelous song and interesting video too.
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) This has a lovely unhurried feel, with the beautiful piano tinkling. The lyrics are fantastic, telling a beautiful, timeless story. (Reminds me of Heroes by Bowie). Love the use of Ashes For Dreams in the chorus (you know Pink Floyd has it first, right? :) )
Really strong song, well done
Kevin
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Well, I LOVE the title @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) 😁😁😎! It’s funny to hear it sung actually... love the ‘footprints are carbon’ (very very clever!!!!!) as well as the charcoal and bone line.
Music is tops again. Really like the piano / bass from the get go. I really love that slow vocal delivery too.
Great take on the theme / challenge.
Superbly done!!
K
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lol
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
All you big shot, top notch types, collaborating, soaking up the limelight.
Don't get too comfortable, it's only a matter of time, don't cha know!
oh lovely song and video by the way
off for another listen
I'll be back
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ah I should have took part in the headline competition
it might have given me focus
The song is really good, lovely melody
I gave it a few listens, seems to be over so quickly.
Well done fellas!
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) what a top notch piano lick! Uplifting but melancholic... considering this came out of the headline challenge, this has inspired a brilliant lyric, a love story consumed in flames, that line ‘ Our footprints are carbon. We have ashes for dreams’ is just excellent! 👌
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Yes, the piano is a lovely timeless choice - bright but melancholy at the same time. Your vocal in the higher register sounding really good (I guess I listened to the new file)
Great lyrical images.
Intro a bit too long for me, but I always say that.
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Wow Paul, I’ve often thought about the imagery behind Karen & Johan’s choice of band name, thinking about burnt out hopes and failed expectations. This is another insightful take on it and a very powerful one too.
The catchy musical motif is breezy, reminds me of what OMD did with Enola Gay, and the contrast of this to the horror of the tale is very dramatic. The melancholy melody is very touching, given the subject matter.
I thought this to be a bit of a sister song to your recent railway murder song, where a catchy backing track trips along, yet belies the tragic tale that is about to be unfurled. Top craftsmanship. 👍
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Not a massive fan of this one unfortunately. I did really like the line "Our footprints are carbon. We have ashes for dreams" but the music feels a bit too like lift/elevator music or maybe on hold music for telephones. I guess the song feels a bit pedestrian in its nature, which is probably the aim so that's fine, but it's not something that builds or becomes exciting.
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Thanks to everyone for the feedback on this one...much appreciated!
And a genuine "thank you" to @LilPeeper (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22775) for having a listen and giving me your thoughts on it...I think it's really important to get a "reality check" every so often...it's lovely that everyone on here is so kind...but I have often wondered whether it would be better in the long run for us to be told when what we write doesn't quite hit the mark.
It's always lovely to get a variety of opinions...cheers!
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Hey Paul, thought the contrast on this one was great - the foot-tapping major key melodies behind some lyrics that are gob-smackingly chilling in places (the charcoal and bone line in particular made me go 'wow' and have a little shudder). I liked the way the vocals give the instrumentation plenty of space too ... not too many words crammed in, especially the way the first verse takes its time to arrive, so we're firmly in the mood of the melody by the time the words show up to pull the rug out from under it. I don't know much about the bombing of Dredsen (or about the war at all really...) and find your songs educate me on a lot of topics as well as being a great listen.
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I absolutely love the piano! I wonder how it would work to use the bass line to give it an ominous undertone?
I really like how you always write songs with substance!
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Awesome. Love the piano playing. Great sound you have here. That bass line you have there is particularly tasty. I like the lyrics and melody line a lot.
Good, good stuff!!
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Hi Paul,
First up, Dresden. Beautiful city - worth anyone visiting. Simply amazing how it was rebuilt after the bombing. Love the place. Word of caution - avoid Easter, unless you like church bells waking you up at 4am. I was staying in a hotel right next to the church in the Alt town. Jeez, it was deafening.
Katja has just moved back there.
Slaughterhouse Five - really intriguing book. A bit odd - but a good read.
Digger
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Great job Paul! Man Love the bass in this, Piano as well. Your vocals
always shine, Great melody that holds it all together :)
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I thought the production and mix was excellent here. The intro maybe a little long although I did enjoy the piano. Vocals a bit pitchy in place though I may have listened to the wrong version as you mentioned you fixed things up a bit on the Soundcloud one. Very clever lyrics!