[Wolfini]

Hello everyone!

I am new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself here with a song of mine:

We will die

I wrote this song in the fall of 2014 under the impression of all the bad news from Syria and Iraq. Unfortunately the situation has not improved since then.

I recorded this in the last months, and it turned out to be one of my "better" recent songs, so I decided to post this here as my first number.

Any feedback is very welcome, but especially comments on the production which might help me improve the sound would be appreciated.

Lyrics:

when I wake in the morning opening my eyes
and I turn on the TV and see the news headlines

and I pick up the paper and read of war and crimes
then I stop and I wonder about these horrid times

and then I tremble when I feel the rising pain
and then I crumble 'cause everything's in vain

we will die
tonight
or tomorrow
all that sorrow

videos of beheadings show up on my PC
refugees in the desert starve on live TV

we have lost compassion and humanity
we have crossed the border into the land of insanity

and then I tremble when I feel that rising pain
and then I crumble 'cause everything's in vain

we will die
tonight
or tomorrow
all that sorrow

Thanks and Bye, Wolfi

[adamfarr]

Hi - I enjoyed this - not too political (as I feared), quite laid back and philosophical...

I did think that the crunchy guitars in the first verses didn't really add anything and maybe distrurbed the flow a bit. I see what you were doing, presaging the heavier sections to come, but I think it might have been good to leave the first parts "cleaner"... Guitars sounding great otherwise.

The rises and falls kept the interest and it didn't seem like 5 minutes. And the production seemed to combine all the elements well.

Nice!

[Yodasdad]

Hi Wolfi,

I can't really comment on the production too much because I can't reach my headphones at the moment. I'd have to wake the dog (little Wolfi) who's commandeered my lap. It comes across nice and clear through a crappy iPad speaker though. Sometimes the vocal seems a touch hidden with the lyrics hard to make out. I think this is partly due to your 'dylanesque' singing style but again could be due to the speaker.

The song itself is a grower for me I think as I much preferred it on the second listen. I particularly like the bridge (pre-chorus to you American folk?) which built nicely into the chorus.

It felt a little on the long side. It clearly is a long song at over 5 minutes but I'm wondering if cutting down some of the instrumental sections could help it. I think they provide a lot of time to forget the melody on a first listen.

The chorus i haven't made my mind up about yet. I felt like I wanted something more during the really long notes at the end of each line. Having said this, the overall melody of the chorus works well and again I preferred it and it sat better with me on the second listen.

Not a bad track at all here Wolfmeister. As I said probably a grower crore me but the kind of song that I would definitely go back for another listen to.

Good work.

Yodasdad.

[digger72]

Hi Wolfini,

I quite liked the song, but it felt a bit too long for me. I was getting a bit weary towards the end. So production wise I'd shorten it and maybe this will add some impact.
I didn't mind the short guitar stabs early in the track and liked the heavier guitars later.
The chorus vocal was a bit too over the top for me, but I guess that's the nature of the song. I prefer understated. Again personal preference.

Cheers,
Digger

[seriousfun]

A nice clean production and a good strong vocal. This got me from the get go, some nice guitar play. Wasn't so fussed on the distortion effect on the guitar, a bit harsh? maybe you could mellow it a bit and get a less brittle effect. The clean sounds were fantastic.

A suggestion on the lyric, you could make the whole song a bit punchier and more direct by dropping the 'when' 'and' 'then' type words from the starts of the line. You don't need them.  They have the effect of unecessarily drawing the lines out and taking some of the snappyness away. Also you change from singing about yourself to singing about 'we' halfway through the song. IMHO it may be better to sing about we ( being the world ) right from the start as that is your real target. eg:

We wake in the morning opening our eyes
We turn on the TV and see the news headlines

This way it is identifiable that your message is aimed at everyone. Currently it is interpreted as being about you until suddenly we is introduced and then there is a moment of confusion as to who we actually is.  Just something to think about going forward.

Realy great first post. I enjoyed the song and the message though it could be a lot shorter and punchier. Better to have someone want to listen to it again than turn it off before its finished. No production issues, a very nice recording.

Great stuff and welcome to the forum.

Allan.

[Wolfini]

Hey!

Thanks a lot everyone for the nice and thoughtful comments. It is very interesting for me to see how this song is perceived on its own, without a context to my other songs (which are different in some of the mentioned ways.)

@adamsarr: Yes, the crunchy guitar "stabs" were supposed to give a feeling of foreboding in this otherwise rather mellow section. So I guess "disturbing the flow" is what I was aiming for here, but I have to agree that from a purely musical viewpoint the song might work better without them. I will have to think about this conflict.

@Yodasdad: Good to hear that the mix works on an iPad speaker, too. Getting better on second listen sounds like a compliment to me, so thanks for that. (And btw I am not American... but I understand either pre-chorus or bridge, though in my understanding a bridge happens only once in a song and  a pre-chorus more often? Whatever, I also like this part esp. when playing the song 'cause I can put all in there.)

@Digger72: Yes, the length... you and the others who pointed this out are right of course. I will see if maybe there is a part of the instrumentals that I could cut. I also agree that the chorus here was really belted out and a bit over the top. It was supposed to transport a feeling of panic and utter dismay.

@seriousfun: Very valid points on the lyrics. Dropping the whens and thens seems like a very good idea. You got me thinking about the viewpoint also. While the "we" certainly works in the lines you mentioned, I can't see it in the second verse (stop.. and wonder...) and the pre-chorus. Saying that other people would also be trembling and crumpling would be a bit presumptuous, no? The first instance of the "we" is in the chorus: "We will die". I thought about this line like a fatalistic scream of panic, you know like Asterix saying that the sky will fall on all our heads. You are right of course, that the rule is not to change the viewpoint, but in this case I felt I had to break it, to express the individual's struggle with the collective. Or something. ;-)

Bye Wolfi

[shadowfax]

Liked the instrumentation in this though the power chords were a bit loud in the mix..
a difficult subject to broach and I'm not sure about the  suggestion that we've all lost our humanity..
we're not all in the desert chopping peoples heads of are we..
but I do realise what you are trying to say

as mention by previous posters it would benefit from being a bit shorter..
but a good listen my friend..well done.

best, Kevin

[PaulAds]

good song Wolfini 

i really enjoyed the simple descending chord run...worked very effectively and the instrumental bit around 2:20 was really nice...some lovely guitar sounds along with some that are perhaps slightly too harsh...a very minor detail...

enjoyed the sentiment too...i'm a miserable bastard at heart... so this was right up my street!

very promising...keep 'em coming!

[pompeyjazz]

Hi wolfi. Loved it for its simplicity and feel. Good vibes

[empyreantic]

Quite liked this song. The power chords (which I don't really like), as someone mentioned, are way too loud in my opinion. Not a big fan of the solo guitar tone in the chorus. Favourite part is easily the "we will die" part, as well as the small breaks after the choruses and between verses. For this type of song I'd say it's about a minute too long. Still, overall a really nice song with some thought-provoking lyrics Welcome to the forums!

PS. Please consider switching to SoundCloud. This website was a nightmare to use...

[Wolfini]

Thanks again.

@shadowfax: the losing humanity line was aimed at the effect all the bad news have on us. Not sure which powerchords you mean (there are none...?), maybe the chords on the right side?

@PaulAds: I just love a nice major - maj7 - minor run in the bass. I have to try really hard not to use it in every song. ;-)

@pompeyjazz: thanks!

@empyreantic: I am not a big fan of soundcloud since it does not work on my tablet. What was the problem with soundclick? Too many ads? (I use an adblocker so I don't see them...) Sorry it was bothering you, but even more thanks for the listen and comment!

Bye Wolfi

[Neil C]

Hi and welcome
Nice melodic intro and chord progressions
Really liked the meandering guitar runs in round the the verses after the big chorus.
The guitars on the pre-chorus a bit too aggressive and abrupt for me and perhaps I'd end it a bit earlier
 
Neil
 

[crystalsuzy]

Big welcome Wolfini, and what a powerful entrance you've made
This song has a lovely melody and really sweet intro, and liked your vocals  
I think you've arranged it very well, but I'm no pro on that, or production, but it certainly kept my interest with all the different parts...although, as has been mentioned, a little on the long side
I loved the chorus...it's very powerful and catchy
I enjoyed listening to your song and the concept it's right up my alley I've written songs with similar concepts and will include a link to one, so if you're interested, you can have a listen
thanks for sharing this with us...I will look forward to hearing more from you

https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/in-the-name-of-god-1

[Wolfini]

Thanks a lot Neil and Suzy for the warm welcome and nice comments.

@Neil: Well I was trying to depart from my usually rather soft mixes with that distorted part, but it seems like I may have overdone that a bit.

@Suzy: Wow, I listened to your piece and that was really great! He, you also used the humanity - insanity rhyme. ;-) But apart from that I guess yours is completely in its own great league, very impressive!

Bye Wolfi

[beckylucythomas]

I really like how you've approached the subject - keeping it simple but still the lines are powerful. And the chorus brings it all home - the powerful lines and strong melody. I agree with someone who said they weren't sure about the long notes. but it's a catch 22 as it's the long notes that give it its power, but adding some changing melody line might add more interest...so it's a fine balance...adding something but not too much.

A suggestion for reducing the length (should you decide you want to do that) might be to get rid of the repeated bit of verse melody in the second half - "we have lost compassion and humanity, we have crossed the border into the land of insanity" (or switch some lyrics around if you wanted to keep those particular lyrics... Anyway just an idea, and irrelevant if you want to keep the length anyway.

I thought the vocal was a bit overpowering in the verse sections, but maybe a tiny bit lost (but not much at all) in the louder sections.

Overall, I think it's a really well written song, congrats, and welcome to the forum!