The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Winter1982 on March 22, 2015, 11:49:35 PM
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Hey all.
I've been very busy in the studio and have a few things to release over the next few months. I haven't been as active on the forum as I've wanted but always appreciate your comments on what I make. This song is called Sometimes and will be the first track off an EP later this year. It's a sort of desperate and broken little folk song with a huge pay off two thirds in. I'd love your thoughts on it.
https://soundcloud.com/winter1982band/sometimes
Sometimes you gotta wait for it
Sometimes it's there
Sometimes you gotta hurt for it
Sometimes you gotta care
Oh you, you're coming home with me
Oh you, I don't care who sees
He don't deserve you like I do
I've tried so hard to forget you
My love
Sometimes you gotta work for it
Sometimes its free
Feels like you wanna die for it
Darling, lay next to me
Oh you, you're coming home with me
Oh you, I don't care who sees
He don't deserve you like I do
I've tried so hard to forget you
My love
Oh, come down and meet me
Down by the shore
Bring him if needs be
I'll show him what for
Dutch courage is easy
Four bottles or more
We'll fight in the cold breeze
Til' our heads hit the floor
Oh you, you're coming home with me
Oh you, I don't care who sees
He don't deserve you like I do
I've tried so hard to forget you
My love
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Very Damien Rice, absolutely love it. No critique, it's just a cracking song. Let me know when the EP is out, this is my kind of music, superb stuff, well done.
Mark
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Thanks Mark, I love Damien Rice so those are very kind words. I have two tracks already available for download at winter1982.bandcamp.com (http://winter1982.bandcamp.com)
Thanks for listening!
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What Mark said.
Loved this, well written and the change up at the two third mark was exactly what the song needed. If I was to nit pick I would have said the vocal was a little lost in the mix for that last third, maybe just tweak it a fraction there, other than pretty much faultless in my ears ( which some people tell me are just painted on )
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Hi,
I have no idea of who Damien Rice is but if he's as good as you, I should have! Your vocal is extraordinarily good - I would kill for those vocal chops. Reminded me of Ray Lamontagne when he's having a good day.
The lift at 2 thirds is outstanding - really sets the song alight. I have absolutely no idea how you get a track to sound this good but the production combined with your excellent song writing and vocal delivery makes a very powerful combination. Commercial without losing the artistic drive.
What a blinder.
M
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I read through the lyric, then went to listen. I was anticipating a fast paced song. What pleasant surprise to get a rhythmic, slow, thoughtful, almost mournful song.
I'd have never guessed that the song would be that way. I'm always impressed when I'm surprised in a good way.
I thought this was very, very good.
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Seriousfun, thanks for your kind comments, I agree regarding the last third, will re mix slightly for the E.P. version.
Montydog, thanks so much for your comments. Any comparison to Lamontagne blows me away, I think he is right up there with the best vocalists on record. Yeh, really tried to strike that balance between artistic intent and something accessible.
Hardtwistmusic, thankyou very much, it's great to surprise people in a positive way!
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I m always impressed, when someone write a great song, using a few simple chords. It happens here :)
And it s cause your voice really feels the song and the lyrics.
song really takes off at 2:20. GREAT !!
Yes, very Damien Rice style.
I really think this is a great song and you ve done a great job. definetely worth for an EP
cheers
B.
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Again absolutely love it! When you posted the first version here a few weeks ago a wasn't sure about it but I love how it turned out. You have a new fan!
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Love the voice! delivered with the right amount of passion for the theme.
Song builds well to the bridge section. Not sure I'm a fan of
We'll fight in the cold breeze
Til' our heads hit the floor
Sounds a little like the need to rhyme with the previous lines has driven the sense rather than vice versa.
Just a suggestion:
Dutch courage I need
Four bottles or more
We'll fight 'til he bleeds
Til' his head hits the floor
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Loved this before and I love it now. You write stuff that makes me think, I wish I'd written that.
Listening on a small speaker, but I did think the kick drum came through a little too strong in the early part and not quite strongly enough in the second. And also sounded a not quite "live" enough... But I could be wrong, and it's such a small thing anyway.
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The butcher, you're right it is a very simple song, perhaps the simplest I've ever written but also maybe the 'biggest' sounding, funny how music works like that sometimes, a happy accident but I'm pleased with the outcome.
Sarepaar, thanks so much, great to have a new fan! Please do follow on soundcloud and like the tracks, really makes a difference.
Cyrn, thanks for the comments on the vocal, really went for this one, went through quite a process to be in a 'place' where the delivery felt right in terms of tone and performance. I know what you mean about the lyrics, along with the very simple chord structure this is also one of the most simple songs, lyrically, that I've ever written. The line you mention is perhaps an over simplification for the rhyming pattern but it felt like that kind of song - nothing too clever, just a sort of rawness, an old fashioned little shanty or folk song beefed up to something huge, performative and emotional.
Becky, thanks so much. You make great music yourself so it's great to get feedback like that from you. Know what you mean about the mix, think it needs another final mix before it makes the EP but it's close I think.
Also... The song just got its first play on amazing radio as the 'unplugged' choice on the Rock Show. You can listen here http://s3.amazonaws.com/first_plays/329435_amazingradio_04-04-2015_20-10.mp3
I don't know if you guys use Amazing Tunes but you should, the song was picked up within a week of being up, a previous song has had a play too so it does work.
Thanks again for all your feedback. I really appreciate you all taking the time to do it.
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Smashing song. I loved everything about it.
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This is superb! The loud part came as a shock and seemed a bit much at first, but I think after a few listens that'll be what makes the song. Very impressive.
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Hey!
I like the song! I really like the voice and the emotion in it.
I could imagine a violin in it too. In my opinion that would make it more interesting. I don`t think the song is boring! It is like a really good soup.. but it would be amazing with a little bit more salt in it;) Hope you understand what I mean:P
The ending of the song sounds a little bit muddy to me.. maybe a mixing change could fix that:)
Good luck man!!
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Thumbs up from me I like it. Quality throughout very well put together with a great lift.
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WOW THAT WAS SPECIAL, VERY SPECIAL
don't know where to start vocal lyric melody production just everything great
its hard to put words to this I LOVED IT REALLY LOVED IT