[sparrow]

It is a fool that will be thirsty
fetching when the well is dry
Now you are ageing,you are angry
things are not the same you want to cry
forgot to prepare the roof before cold
You cannot shine the copper
and make it valuable like a gold
Life is but a complicated road

CHORUS Great souls have a will
             feeble souls have wishes
             Water does not flow
             untill you turn the tap
              its a fool paradise

Go to the ant o sluggard
consider her ways and be wise
She prepares her food in summer
and gather the sustenance in harvest
So if the foundation is destroyed
there is nothing the righteous can do

CHORUS Great souls have a will
             feeble souls have wishes
             Water does not flow
             untill you turn the tap
              its a fool paradise

[Vintage54]

   Hello Sparrow,
      Struggling with this my friend. I know you're saying something, i just can't get what it is. Does the fault lie on my side or yours? Maybe it's just too deep for my shallow mind, sometimes i miss the obvious. I'm familiar with the the biblical reference in verse two, but still at a loss. You got my attention though, and that's gotta count for something.

                   Vintage54

[sparrow]

thank you vintage54 am grateful

[Paulski]

Hi sparrow - and welcome!

Maybe you could tell us what you set out to do in this piece as it is not at all obvious.

If it's meant to be a song, I would suggest that you add some more rhyming to it, especially in the chorus as this is what you want ppl to remember - and rhyming acts like a memory aid. Also your verses have different line counts, and the lines have different meters/syllable counts so adding music to this will be a challenge IMHO. If you are a musician and already have done this, please ignore this comment.

I like the hook and it is placed nicely in the chorus.
Paul

[sparrow]

Thank you Paulski,will do a rewrite

[Oldbutyet]

It is a fool that will be thirsty
fetching when the well is dry
Now you are ageing,you are angry
things are not the same you want to cry
forgot to prepare the roof before cold
You cannot shine the copper
and make it valuable like a gold
Life is but a complicated road

CHORUS Great souls have a will
             feeble souls have wishes
             Water does not flow
             untill you turn the tap
              its a fool paradise

Go to the ant o sluggard
consider her ways and be wise
She prepares her food in summer
and gather the sustenance in harvest
So if the foundation is destroyed
there is nothing the righteous can do

CHORUS Great souls have a will
             feeble souls have wishes
             Water does not flow
             untill you turn the tap
              its a fool paradise

I like this (Fools Paradice) lyrics and poetry coming together, each line reads in its own flow.

I like to hear your voice/vocal flow to this with or without instruments.

Welcome and Happy Christmas.

[adamfarr]

Hi there "Great souls have a will/feeble souls have wishes" is a great line! I think you could build more on that. For the rest you do have a lot going on - I would probably try picking one theme/ message for each verse if possible and going from there... Look forward to seeing how it turns out!